Anchor of Hope

Anchor of Hope

I stopped writing some time ago, why bother? What difference does it make?

My life was derailed years ago and I have been swimming like hell to get back to some kind of shore. And I see a lot of people out here swimming the waters of “OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME” with me. It seems we have become fish in a barrel to what ever feels the need to point a gun in our general direction, are we safe? What is life about now when we have stopped feeling safe in our surroundings? Safe in any sense of the word.

As a spiritual teacher I have looked around and watched the teachings fail us. Why are we in such a mess? So, I put myself and my work on hold. I needed a different teaching than everything is going to be ok, please! those people and their platitudes make me want to hit something. Have you seen the level of suffering that is going on? What can be done? What can we as a single person do to help? Is it all lost until this apparent fall is finished and the old guard dead?

Hopeless is how it feels!

But maybe that’s ok, maybe the old guard needs to die. Maybe what we are feeling is the death of the old world and its greedy humanity hating ways. Maybe it has to be a painful death so that light can begin to enter into the minds of men again. To bring humanity to the brink of extension, giving us all a near death experience especially to awaken the walking dead.

What we have to be careful of is the hopelessness of watching the worst of humanity struggle to keep in control dowsing us with a daily dose of negativity and back bending fear. Tragedy after tragedy can make a person turn their head away from the suffering of their brother or sister. “I’m only one person what can I do”, said way to often…

In the words of Jack Nicolson as the Joker in the first batman, this world needs an enema…

because as a humanity we are full of shit…

First rule of change, be the change you are looking for

Want to be peaceful in a non peaceful world, be peaceful at all costs.

Want to be loving in a non loving world, be loving at all costs.

Want to have hope in a hopeless world, be hopeful at all costs.

Last night, another sleepless night of never ending oh my God, What now? What next? the endless supplications to what feels like a unhearing God… I decided to listen to a podcast of Joel Osteen, I know so many people hate on this man, but I’ll tell you he loves God more than most do, anyway… he was talking about anchoring in hope,

here comes the God talk but listen to it this way… faith is the hope of things to come, faith needs hope, do you get that? If you claim you have faith, then you best be anchored in hope. In this easiest terms it means if you are steeping in fear like a used tea bag, you have lifted your anchor from hope, its trailing behind you like a tail not an anchor…

When life bogs you down with any kind of weighted personal issue and you have begun lamenting it, you have let your anchor go and you will find your self drifting back to hopeless ocean,

Open your eyes, see where you are and put your anchor back down.

Keep your anchor in check. Keep your anchor moored to hope. If you believe in a higher power then leave your anchor next to your God and quit flailing around like you don’t know, because you do know…

God is always there! Its you that moves around and forgets.

Anchor in Hope!

 

What the F…


 

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I woke up this morning after screaming through most of yesterday. I am so done with life right now. The world is on fire and underwater yet most of the modern world is unaffected are still talking about fashion week, and diet plans, gym memberships and don’t forget the new organic foods at whatever high-priced grocery store is in their neighborhood.

After Irma a woman talked of the people on one of the Caribbean islands that was badly torn up by the storm but also damaged by looting, she said she understood looting grocery stores, people gotta eat, but other stores, that was just greed and asshole behavior.

What is wrong with people?

The buoyantly positive, its gonna be fine

The less optimistic, see I told you the world was going to hell in a hand basket.

Or my least favorite of all, the pandering words, it’ll be fine, F you, I’ll decide.

I don’t feel fine. I’m not at all pleased with life and how the humans are losing the game of Adulting.

Who on this planet is really interested in changing anything? Except for marital status, financial status, or becoming vastly popular… It’s a disease now running rampant through the world, everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame, however they get it…

My country embarrasses me, we worship money and desire what we want when we want it. Brings us your tired and poor and we will run them out, make them our slaves, or take whatever we want.

I want to start a new world. I am willing to relocate to a different planet, dimension, and/ or change forms, message me if you know such a place or plan.

What the F?

 

Staying in your lane


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Humans as a rule love to be the boss of things. They love to share their opinions and proselytize their beliefs. It is if you think about it a very hive mind behavior. A safety in numbers things. We like it best when others believe as we do and can feel like we are helping them as we firmly show them the errors of their ways. It helps us to feel better about the belief we have sunk our teeth into. There are people who still believe there is only one way towards salvation. And their definition of salvation is a bit one-sided.

Salvation is the act of saving or protecting from harm, risk, loss, destruction. So salvation can be the entrance of truth so that you may be saved from ignorance the greatest sin of all. Our search for truth, or salvation is a long road of truth seeking. My truth today is different than the truth of my yesterday’s. When I was younger I was a lot more rigid of what I thought truth was and how others were so very wrong.

Funny thing about time, growth, maturity… it changes your mind. It changes your perspective. And one must do this work for themselves. To stay in your lane is to understand that each human has a very unique hold of their perceptions, and their idea of the truth. All any of us can do is model behavior and belief. If what you say is truth or that your belief system”works” the proof is in the pudding they say, or it should be written all over your face, as the peace that surpasses understanding.

In the end none of us are changing anyone. As a parent you have power over your children… for a minute. We must lead by example, preach by behavior and spread hope by just being the peace we want to see in the world.

Stay in your lane. Love the lane your in. Try different lanes if you are dissatisfied with where you are at. Just remember all lanes are moving to somewhere and you are not the judge of where they go or how they get there. Stay in your lane.

 

 

 

We are starting again

We are starting again

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There are many reasons to write a blog, one being so you can be seen and adored by fans for your wit and so-called wisdom. This is not that kind of blog, as a matter of fact, this will be the kind of blog that you will either desire to read or you will burn this connection, heretic witch…oh well I say.

This is a coming to Jesus minute.

Something I have found hard for the last 11 years of my life is the absence of wisdom, and a complete lack of desire for reality. I mean for myself. The fantasy of our world is a much easier lie to tell ourselves, helping us to sleep at night, keeping us asleep during the day. You may even think that you want change or for things to be different. You still think you have control over outcomes. You think you live in reality, the real world, where shit is real and you can be killed, eaten, taken advantage of. That you have real choice.

Oh did you think you were actually awake, and in reality. Who’s reality…

No baby this is a dream…

There is no advancement in life without this knowledge. Sorry, you who think you know truth.

You are asleep at the wheel of your life. You feel alive, I did too. It seems like we are living in a reality. I mean really don’t tell me that last 5 day migraine was a figment of my imagination, I wanted to die, slit my throat, bleed out, it was as real as the letters you are reading right now.

Are these letters real or does your mind tell you these dashes mean something? Who interprets your words for you, who or what gives them meaning? These are the big questions.

You remember the song, row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

We are living in a dream. Your mind as an advanced computer has given your eyes something to perceive and a world to find your way in and through. Apparently we have been tossed down here and now have to figure it out, in an eat or be eaten world.

Humanity will never move past the horror we are trapped in until someone, somewhere, comes out of the dream, kicking and screaming, trying to wake everyone up.

Guess what? I’ll be doing that. I have no idea of the name of the one who just through me out of my dream. The pain of that 5, 6 ,7 day headache drove me to an edge, no returning from that. Once you see differently you can never readjust your eyes to lies.

We are living in a lie, convinced of a material world that has no real backing, it’s an illusion, and believe me as I threw up my guts until my stomach threatened to follow I no more believed this is an illusion than you do right now. So convinced that your pain is real, your suffering is real, so was I.

Nope and wrong. Pain just happens to be one of the ways spirit talks to me, a human with a difficult past, seeminglyunloving uncaring parents and no real support in the real world. All of my power came from a belief that I had for myself. I had to get hard before they went at me again, I learned all tricks to side step, pain, any pain, emotional, physical, spiritual.

So when I fell in LA this last trip I already knew my head would respond. I get headaches like some people get indigestion or get pissed, a headache is always just a thought away, my head gives me buckets of pain.

Because I have believed I am the creator of myself. No one can help, no one cares frankly, and I’m living in a material world and I am a material girl. So many lies.

I am no more material than any of you are, your dream of reality is as powerful as mine was.

So I will lead a new charge. I am done swimming in a world of my own making. It sucks here. My body thinks it’s the boss of me and due to DNA weakness my body is a fu*king nightmare a lot of the time. So time to turn the channel and tune into a different version of reality.

In other words, I, during an experience of unimaginable pain, that I was not only forced to live through, but no amount of drugs would remove me from it. That suffering world be mine baby, all mine, and mine to fix, which I fu*king did, victory arms.

It is said that creator will give us know more than we can handle, or maybe its more important to say that the greater your intelligence, and willingness to change or see clearly, creator will assist in clearing the cob webs from your mind, the film in front of your eyes, and release you from the cage your heart is trapped in. Using any and all means available.

Stay with me, and I’ll explain it all, as it was and is revealed to me,

you know, heretic witch that I am.

 

 

Rough patch


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Nothing like a rough patch to send you off your rocker and straight to the loony bin. Nothing like having your world derailed by somebody elses actions. And there is nothing like the feeling of sliding and falling, as you realize the rough patch you were afraid of is already underneath you and that feeling is your feet losing their hold. One rough patch of unbelievable size can bring a human to their knees. Time to put some knee pads on!

What we constantly forget as we move through life is, that its life. We have been so removed from reality that a human experiencing a rough patch looking at social media would assume that they are the only ones suffering. In fake-ville or the land of virtual reality everyone is; tan, healthy, on vacation, their children are well-behaved, they have the most loving partner, they got a big raise, new house, lost 20 pounds, blah blah blah.

Really people! Back in the day, we were told (I was told a least a billion times) what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. It was understood that life was hard and the only sure way to get through it was to live your life. Hiding won’t help, denying won’t help, blame won’t help, AT ALL. You have to do it, live, you have to live!

Staying stoned – not living , staying drunk – not living, staying in denial – not living, starving yourself – not living, staying mad- so not living, ignoring your dreams – not living, pretending you do not matter- not living.

We go through life one day at a time. You can sit inside your head or in fantasy, living a yesterday over and over again or plotting your tomorrows, it will not help you live today. Each day you get up is your opportunity, your chance. It may be today that the rough patch shows itself, it might be tomorrow, but believe me, there is another rough patch ahead, just around the corner, outside in your yard, inside your kids head,

Believe me, there is a rough patch ahead.

You are alive you can’t avoid them.

My world was tossed around AGAIN, and I wallowed, my misery was all-consuming. My world was trying to fall apart again, AGAIN. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I have had a very large portion of troubles in my life, rough patches would be an understatement. Just like you, I suspect. None of us are getting through this without a lot of pain, this is a growth spurt for humanity. Unfortunately, we will not grow unless we are forced to, so rough patches are designed to move you from pain, to smack you until your vision clears so you see what’s in front of you. One rough patch is not the big picture, the big picture includes rough patches.

So for 3 days I wallowed in the are you kidding me, again, I have to go through this again, again, like a broken record, again.

Wallowing feels good for a moment, oh woe is me, oh God leave me alone already, how am I going to get through this…………….

and on the 3rd day I rose, again.

It was just rough patch, which is not the big picture, nor the end of this story…

What’s your hidden agenda?


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Can there be a hidden agenda when you find yourself; sitting, standing or ‘talking’ with a human that can barely lift their head?

Now, all eyes are down, phone in hand, zombie like gaze induced.

We know at once, what’s important to this human. Its status, its social standing, its virtual life. While eating, visiting, even working, all eyes on us…certainly not on you.

The human agenda has grown in its obviousness. Every moment can be known, be documented; fixed with photo shop, edited by spell check and instantaneously posted on Instagram. Like wearing a set of the Emperor’s new clothes we scream without sound; I am a star, I am a yogi, I am a spiritual teacher, I am a great mother/father/partner. I am beautiful, important, needed. I am lost, sad, horrified. I am the answer, I have the key, I have the map, I know the way…

Until we get that; it’s the same questions being asked, It’s the same feelings being felt, escaped and handled, we haven’t learned a thing.

The human condition has little changed; from the barbaric years of human sacrifices wait… we are still doing that…the human condition has little changed, period. You will find on the spiritual walk, path after path, all designed to do the same thing, enlighten you to this fact, nothing has ever changed. You have been chasing; money, power, fame, love, peace and you have not found it. You hide behind a hidden agenda of pretending to know what you want, or what you are looking for. Your hidden agenda drives your purpose in life and for most it’s just to keep the inner you hidden from sight. You are driven but to who knows where, to do who knows what?

And nothing will ever change.

Until you do…

So let’s get it out in the open, there is a hidden agenda within you. It’s an original operating instruction that was given to assist humans. It was, to seek the source of all, to find the maker and then merge with it. Really, underneath your desire to lose weight, get married, have a child, be the world savior, is this first operating instruction. Seek your source!

When our original instructions are obstructed in any way you become lost to your operational intent. You cannot merge with your original source because its signal bounces off of you rather than becomes a part of you. You can only merge with the signal when you open to it and it flows through you. Without mergingĀ  you are empty and this will cause you a feeling of discontentedness that you will try to fill with all manner of things.

Face it you are like a computer with bad code, you run at some capacity but not at full power.

But key in the proper code, boom. Keep your hidden agenda out in the open, search for the key that unlocks your secret heart and never give that password to anyone.

Cloudy days


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Cloudy days are a visual reminder of the veil in front of your eyes, or that which is keeping the false self engaged. Think right now, am I surround by false thoughts and impressions? Are they about myself, or the world around me?
Is that negativity live streaming in front of your eyes?
The uncleaned mind becomes filled with all the images, thoughts and feelings, amassed each day. This creates a cloud through which your perceptions and judgements must fight through, for you to see, reality that is… Without a meditation practice whether chanting or in silence, the clouds may never clear and sadly you may never even know they are there.
Today the clouds are your teacher. Are they easy to see through or dense and impenetrable?
Learn about the cloud in front of your eyes and then
learn how to move it.