I have decided in a move to push forward, to restart the engine, make myself do something. One of the things I had promised myself as my life went through this last upheaval was to not do anything until I knew what to do. As a survivor and born into a family of survivors chaos living is the norm. Through the years I have been living what I thought was a very dedicated spiritual path. As I look closer I see the tell tell signs of PTSD, I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. This was appropriate during the highly dysfunctional years of marriage, divorce, kids, jobs, poverty, riches. Mostly because I didn’t know any better. Though I was dedicated to a spiritual path I was also living from a place of fear. That my friends is not what walking the path is about. I do not desire a life lived in this manner.
Of course I know better, we all do innately but ignore what is good for us and our growth to get through life, head down, nose to the grindstone.
Divine Spiritual Wisdom is about being in charge of life. It is about walking the path with your eyes wide open, your mind alert and your heart receptive. Fear closes all the faculties and makes us one-dimensional and fear based. As I saw this behavior taking over simply because something had that was unexpected unwanted and frankly unwarranted had happened to me I knew it had to stop. Time to stop Leanne!
As a survivor when chaos happens you assess the situation and take charge make move tend to your business. It happens quick its reactive behavior and often a quick decision to tend to something was simply me applying a band-aid rather than actually fixing the issue. I would leave a relationship in a blink of an eye or move across the country, change my hair color or my kids favorite get a dog. I would do anything I had to do something. As a being of light I desire to live in a more deliberate way making decisions based on wisdom not reactions. In a nut shell I am trying not to react to my fearful situation and just keep moving forward one step at a time. No big decisions just small course corrections until I get my boat back into the stream of life. The good news is I’m ready to rejoin the stream. At least I think I am. Well at least I hope I am. Ok wait being positive, I am so ready to rejoin the life stream, yes, that’s it!
I write this blog to force myself to think each day on how I am doing and where I am at and how I am using my wisdom to negotiate the undiscovered waters that will be my new path. All the wisdom I need I have. All the wisdom I want I continue to search for. All I have to do is keep going. All I have to do is keep going. All I have to do is keep going! ( I highly encourage frequent pep talks with your higher self). Though I have no idea where I am going and what is going to happen it is through my Wisdom, my connection to God, that I just try to keep moving with the flow. Though I don’t know what to do I am just going to do “it” anyway. As I stay connected and focused on peace love and light I will each day learn what “it” is.