I have had a difficult time the last few years and when there is vast change within a human’s life chances are it is affecting every area of your life whether you are aware of it or not. It is not just your life that is thrown into chaos but the life of your entire family. Everyone within your family will have their own problems with any change happening to you.
My father and I have walked a tight rope of a relationship for most of my life and when my parents divorced after high school I didn’t see my father much and then I started having children. We have lived many states away from each other most of my adult life. We are in NYC together this weekend, a place we both love. He is becoming more immobile due to a back issue so I am pushing him around in a wheel chair through the streets of NY. Now I get the American Disabilities Act for sure! Curbs people, I almost dumped him out of that chair 2 times yesterday. Thank God we both have a sense of humor. Pushing a wheel chair here is ridiculous rough sidewalks, rude cabs, you know the drill! My father is a proud man and hates every moment of this new weakness that has him at my mercy to get to the concerts he wants to see and my arms have never been so tired from pushing him around. But that’s ok.
This trip is us putting once again our relationship back where it belongs. In the column of I love you , you are my people, and I am sure that’s why they call it unconditional love. For as many stupid things my father and I have said to each other over the years, me thinking he has no clue and him thinking what is going to happen to me, we battle it out so we can have a relationship.
Our belief systems are different. Our life experiences our different. But we are family. As a spiritual teacher I sow seeds of wisdom over my Dad all the time. Trying to open the closed eyes that has been the experience of his life. If I condemn him for what is outside of his radar it is myself that is responsible for that. It is my job to educate those around me. It is my behavior that dictates how others will treat me. I am in control of that. This I believe is a big secret.
You my reader are in charge of your experience on this planet. Not what happens but how you respond to it. We blame every one for everything when the only person who can do anything about anything is you. That’s right you!
This is the best news of all. Praise God for it! Life, I am sorry would not be worth living if I thought for a moment there was another human on this planet who I truly believed was more powerful than I, more lovable than I, more awesome than I. To know that through my own effort I can raise myself up to be able to live a life that is beyond my wildest dreams. To know that as I accept my father for being a human on his own journey trying hard to get me to understand all he wants for me is the best life possible is as freeing as being divorced from a husband who no longer loves me and this allows me the freedom I wasn’t aware I desired.
Everything happens for a reason. I have come to understand that in a way that is not trite though the words have become a new age slogan. Everything happens to the intelligent person who looks at their life from a view-point of wholeness and love and what can I learn from this moment.
My Dad loves me I know he does. His way of expressing it over the years caused me to question it. As I age I know my children will have this same talk with them selves as they rehash those moments in which I challenged their notion of who they are and desire to be. It is life. It is our choice to be or not to be, or to really live or just sort of live.
I move through my life in a state of forgiveness because as a teenager I remember being mad at my parents and I also remember my children being mad at me for the same things. So at the age of 50 when my father and I cross our lines of communication I reach into myself to that place that remembers to see a bigger picture. I try to relax and just let my Dad be my Dad just let my children each be who they are and in time everyone will allow me to be who I am.
Forgiveness is a great gift we give ourselves. Because in the end if you cannot forgive someone their issues you will find others will be unable to forgive you. Give forgiveness so that you can be forgiven. Forgive your parents, your partner, your children, your neighbor, for that shoe will eventually be on your foot. Forgiveness is so freeing!