Facing fear!

I am going to do something I meant to do for my 50th birthday. It was going to be a present for myself. With no significant other if you want presents you buy them for yourself. I deserve it after all is my feeling. But I chickened out!

But just a couple of days ago something had me looking at a travel site on the internet and once again I was reminded of the promise I had made to take a trip when I turned 50. That was 3 months ago. The way time was flying by I knew it could quickly turn to 3 years ago.

I had to deal with my fear as the idea of what I wanted and the actual follow through ended up being further apart than I had thought. I was alone all of the time and it was getting hard to do things by myself for some reason. Usually I loved any chance to travel but lately I gave myself any out not to have to go anywhere. Maybe I was getting bored with my own company. I needed to spice things up.

Looking at vacation packages online It’s easy to hit the purchase button on the computer and make it all happen. With a credit card and a wireless connection one can make plans for many cool and interesting things. Everything just one click away. Easy to do on the couch of your home and from the privacy of your bedroom all visualized in the creative dream developed in your mind.

Wait…Once you hit the button it sets in motion a destiny you yourself are creating. An event will have moved into the realm of future possibilities, one of either good times and or horrifyingly bad experiences. I was becoming the bipolar madam of should I or shouldn’t I. Did I want to go or not? Would I be ok so far away?  Was I going to let fear stop me? Plenty of what if’s to think about…

My finger was frozen…stuck hovering over the key…Could I really consider going?

I hit the button as the reality of what I did began to set in.  I know myself and how I operate, so as usual there is no way to back out without huge loss! I am forcing myself to do this. It is time to get off the sofa and make new dreams a reality. It is time to start moving again. I have been stationary far to long. I have waited enough.

So I hit the button and my itinerary is on its way to my email, I can’t believe I actually did it.

the tickets bought, passport found, facing my fear, yeah…

learning to live again, priceless!

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