It’s Saturday here in Sancerre. No class and it is very quiet around here. A great day for introspection. Each day passes and the realization of why I am here far surpasses my desire to master French. Just as the time spent on my 10 day silent retreat went way past the need to be silent. I am here to be alone. Alone, strange word, maybe I need to be -a lone- in order to become -al one-. I am here to practice self-mastery.
I am realizing that self-mastery is often very hard to achieve when occupied by human need. Here there is no one but me and when I am alone my needs dwindle to almost none. A little food, a comfortable bed, maybe some company every once in a while. I have gone through too much to depend on the company of those I know, each human so self-possessed, its human behavior after all! You can not even have a conversation with someone without watching their eyes trail off and their attention wander. Much less get them to say something they mean. I am learning, ummm probably remembering that which I already know, something that the laziness of this lifetime has tried to veil, that there is no ‘other’ human that can tell me anything at all. And believe me I look, listen and wait!
I believe self-mastery comes when your God removes everything from your life and you are left looking at empty hands. My God where did everything go? God I use to have a life. I use to believe my life had meaning. The human falls to their knees crying, My God, why has thou forsaken me? This is the anniversary of that day for me , Jan 7 2009. It was also a birth-day of sorts. The day I became a new me. But I didn’t know it at the time.
Self mastery is just that mastery over the self. Something the teachers are to teach, and the great ones do! Mastery is not found in being a slave to another human – parent, child, friend, lover or teacher. There is mastery in serving another. Serving – slaving two-way different things. Slaving humans takes their power away, teaching them to serve brings their power back. learning to serve first begins with serving of the self. Thus opening your heart to that energy of your creation so it may pour in and upon you. You begin to recognize that when you serve your self you serve your God and then and only then can you serve others. How do you know the wants of others if you do not understand the wants of yourself? How do you give to others if you can not give unto your self? Our freedom starts with self-mastery.
Jan 7 2009 I began to be my own master. Three years later is the realization of that sentence. Self mastery is difficult and many teachers have no interest in students becoming self actualized. How do the teachers pay for their high lifestyles if their students realize they are their own masters? There is no ego here. Self mastery is about burning your own karma so you may see the light within your self and then to become a light for everyone else. But only a light. I can not help you make your walk I can only provide some light for your journey, the journey is your own. Like mine was, like mine is!
Self mastery is the ultimate understanding that you have everything you ‘need’, and you will find everything you are looking for. Self mastery is also knowing you have no need for anything and there is nothing really to even look for. Self mastery is Aleph, the beginning, the one point. When you begin the journey of self-mastery whether of your own accord or being pushed by an outside force there is a reason and it is a great blessing. That is when you can step outside of your human self.
When you find yourself at an Aleph point, a place where you have to start your life again, give thanks for this is a sign of the work you have done to move yourself above the fray. When you do, it is your time and be willing to begin the work. Once you realize that you are on your journey to self-mastery worry not for if you have spent your lifetimes well you will find in the blink of an eye your hands which were at once emptied become filled once again.
The light, Oh my God the light!