I went to the coffee meeting today curious to see what the new students would be like and I left in about 5 minutes. I don’t know what it is I am expecting but it has become quite clear to me that I am indeed waiting for something. I certainly hope I have gotten over waiting for someone.Who ever I hoped to see or how ever I expected it to be it was not. This is neither positive or negative. I am waiting for something and it has yet to arrive. But my groceries did so I carried 6 bottles of water and a bag of food back to my place, swearing the whole way.
Girl, hey look at this body, I need to work out!
I returned back to my apartment and wondered for myself what I hoped to get out of all of this. Besides the obvious language improvement. I am forcing my hand each day they I get up and my life doesn’t feel right. When everything hit the fan and my life scattered I have been waiting for all of the pieces to fall back into place. I am a person who likes the feeling of security and safety.
Once I began living alone and spending most of my time alone there has been the feeling that things are just not right. Now for a while I thought it was because I was alone when almost all of my life I’ve been surrounded by people and the business of life. But it is not just that, I don’t feel right, something is off something is missing. I just keep moving, keep looking, keep waiting, and at the same time I am trying to continue to live.
Dramatic pause, hand on my heart, head down…., Please, I smack my own self back into reality!
Today live means deal with the dishes, clean up, maybe do some laundry. Here in this apartment it’s all in the same place, it’s all on the same wall. So much easier than the up and down 3 flights to tend to everything in my house. There is a simplicity of life for me here that I have to say I do enjoy. Everything is harder to find and things I am use to I can’t get so my needs grow simple. Now pleasure comes from the walk back and forth to the school, trying to make friends with the local cat, and yes learning to say it all in French.
I still have that strange feeling, it comes and goes but I would guess many of you are dealing with the same kind of feeling as the entire conscious world is going through its huge change. Here in my slow-paced world I will spend my time thinking and practicing “being” rather than always “doing”. So after I wash my dishes,and my clothes I will wash my hands and go find that cat!
Have a beautiful Lundi mes amies!