Pain as a teacher

I have been in pain the last couple of weeks. When I moved myself to Minneapolis for this next 3 months I had to do it myself. I didn’t move furniture but a few boxes and frankly the neck and spine or an area of weakness in my genetic line so it is a fight to keep it all in line and of course is why yoga is so important to me.

I can keep a good mental outlook and if you know my story physical pain is and has been a part of my life, lots of years of sickness and many fighting pain. Migraines and neck pain, these are my 2 main issues for this period as the other issues slowly faded. Much of the issues within my physical body healed I think as I burned karma and I walked the walk of my spiritual path. It is why my spiritual path became my central focus. For healing, for unity, for peace!

Pain for me is an indication that something is wrong in the body. Pain in my heart is also a sign something is wrong all of it having to do with energy vibration and most of all love.

I am still in battle mode with life, still so confused about my life, where I am, where I am going. The pain reminds me of the fight when everything turns grey and I have let the pettiness of life slow me down. As I slip from my path pain is the thing that nudges me but often it takes a while before I figure out the message and I will spend a ridiculous amount of time suffering, (woman thing). Pain is the indication that something is wrong, not that my body is wrong but that my vibration is wrong, to strong of a word my vibration is off.

I read a story about a woman who had what she called a spiritual awakening, lots of that going around right now, in her interest of what was happening to her and of course having money she began to travel to interview spiritual teachers across the globe to figure out what was going on. At the same time she had also been involved in an accident that had hurt her back and resulted in chronic pain, I can totally relate to chronic pain, anyway, as much as she speaks on what the teachers explain to her she continues to complain of her aching back, traveling with special chairs, cushions for her back, that kind of thing.

Well finally she comes upon the teacher who does not play into the oh how terrible about your back. They are sitting discussing spiritual truths and she can’t sit still, her back, her back, he nailed her right then and there,”if you would dwell in God you would not feel your back pain” of course she blasted past that because it is real back pain but I heard what he said and he might as well have been saying it to me.

Yogi Bhajan my Kundalini master recorded a track for a compilation CD years ago and all I can remember is the part of him saying “dwell in God” my favorite line and there it was, dwell in God.

The vibration of purity does not contain pain or any discomfort for the body and actually purifies and lessens pain as the body responds by lifting and becoming light. Pain cannot live in that kind of environment I have been teaching this and here I am relearning it again.

Yesterday morning I woke in so much pain I would have gladly had my head chopped off just to release the pain in my neck. It was 4:30 am and I am screaming into the heavens for help as there is no one around me to help or even anything I can do to release it when it gets like this, and the words come right to me, ‘dwell in god and forget your pain’. So I did. I just pictured that thought that idea that vibration and lo and behold if you dwell in the purity of light and love there is nothing physical there.

Pain is an indication that something is wrong both on the physical and emotional level, love is the key, love is the vibration of healing. It is not an easy answer my neck hurts right now but I know that as I dwell in God the pain is moved and soon it will be gone. I maybe paying off some karma, I maybe relearning a lesson, I maybe paying for not being attentive while I was lifting, what ever the reason the vibration of love will help release it and the vibration of love will make everything OK.

Love love love to you all!

Is it the Truth and how would you know?

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

I have been thinking about the truth this morning. Where it is and who thinks they have it and why anyone tries to pretend they do. The real truth to any situation is usually revealed at some point. Criminals are caught, thieves are rooted out, spiritual revelations are revealed, but what about the truth-sayers?
For me the real problem is not that someone thinks they know what the ‘truth’ is, its that someone thinks they know what the ‘truth’ is for everyone. How can that be? I read a post about nutrition this ‘doctor’ was spouting about the benefits of being a vegetarian,yes I can get behind that, then the caveat, he ‘knew’ that eating animal products keeps the upper chakras or energy systems from being able to translate spiritual awareness. Excuse me what?
In his limited thinking he believed that each human on this planet will be kept behind in consciousness development because they eat animal products. That’s right “and God said from the heavens eat this not that, starve if you must, you over there with the deer at your table and the pelt on your back, very bad mojo”
There is no doubt what we do to our animals farmed for food is often reprehensible and we would be best served by not including that kind of negativity into our diets. Yet many people have a lively hood that is dependent on the animals they farm, sea, land, or air, and most people have to eat to stay alive. Knowing that their body desires food or any kind, is that wrong? And then who are you to judge?
For me it is wrong for someone to decide for you, about anything. The most awesome thing about self-responsibility is as you learn what is right for you it reinforces for you how to live your best life. Then how you do it and how  your body responds can set an example for those around you. Conscious eating is a spiritual act. Conscious eating, meaning paying attention to what you put in your mouth and why. Not leaving things out because someone said something about this that or the other.
What you find to be good for the body during the 20’s changes in the 40’s again in the 60’s and it changes when your health changes or your environment becomes less than stellar. Our creator put within each of us a thinking brain designed to match the body it is in connected to it, so you probably know what you need.
I have a slow metabolism and eating meat is not necessary for me. Yet during times of sickness and weakness I have used animal protein to give me a boost and fed it to my very thin son as he recover from his illness. I doubt my conscious awareness was affected I was doing my work and that is what is asked of us.
The law of cause and effect levels the playing field on this earth. If you act against your body it will respond in kind. If you act with the body it will act for you. Cause and effect. Same with your speech choice of words choice of friends and associates. If your life is working well then hey you are walking your path. If your life is not working then you probably know that. Though you may be like many pointing your fingers to all who are at fault for your problems but then later you will find that being a victim just puts you on the sideline of life and no one looks on the sidelines for the winners of this game called life.
The truth has changed on the physical planet many times as new truths are revealed, this is life. Big Truth is measured in its accuracy for all people, the sun always comes up, love always wins, we are all part of a grand design. Small truths move around, we need to eat meat, we need flu shots, we need lots of money, we need to dig for more oil, we need… The truth sets us free as we explore what the “truth” is for us.
I say learn the universal laws as they affect the planetary energies. Learn what lies beneath the surface of who you are, no one knows you more than you. And remember what the oracle says, know thy self and then the truth shall set you free!
Be free my lovelies.

Giving up leads where? tests and trials

There is no doubt some people are more tested in life than others. Part being that there are only certain people who can take huge amounts of tests and trials without wanting to exit stage left or right. I have been screaming this week, I have been so frustrated. It all comes down to being alone without support and the burden it is when you can’t find the help you need. Sounds like a petty thing. Ahh poor thing did you get frustrated this week? Yeah I did!

I am strong independent woman I live by myself and recently relocated for a short time for additional language study. I am using learning french as a touch stone during this transition time between lives. I could  have kept sulking at home but it was getting boring so off I went. But I am here by myself so it all falls on me. Packing moving lifting every box, holding every door, filling out forms, connecting lines, finding food, all on me.

I’ve been doing this most of my life even married a large part of the burden of home life was mine but I did have help, no help now, no help no service. yeah no internet service for 5 days while I tried begged the Apple computer Gods to assist me in getting my wireless router to work. I almost winged it out from the 21st floor. Screaming into the heavens why won’t this thing work, day after day, and this is of course after I already had it working and then the internet crashed in the building, after that my wireless router went on strike, really!

I talked to IT men with their voices pleading with me that I don’t know what I am doing the internet connection is fine, well internet connection is not fine. I would fight with it and fight with it then take time out to plead beg and cry to whatever unseen spirit happened to be around, what am I doing wrong? Nothing? Something? Yesterday I thought I would explode and the thought of death and the release from this stupid existence was actually on my mind. Is this really worth all the pain of being alive to have to be so constantly frustrated and I know I am not alone I see despair on some many faces.

Ah the sweet release of death, no more computer bs, no more condescending voices, no more loneliness on a scale I could not even imagine, how do people live this way? No more worry about my sagging face my drooping arm flab, getting older. No more worries about who will care for me when I am sick, no one does now, No worries about taxes, and insurance and the house needs a roof, a new bathroom, anyone know a contractor? No more am I doing the wrong thing and punishing myself for all the mistakes I made, really did it have to be so many? No more worrying about my kids, wait……

No me in the physical no more kids for me, hmmmm

So I could haunt them,  no that would freak them out, not my daughter but my sons probably do not want to see ghost mom, hmmm… I could leave a letter of explanation, I was pissed off at life took the easy way out see you later, no that sucks, and I was certainly not impressed when my Mom died early, early for me, leaving me alone,hmmmm…

Ok maybe I need to rethink this grave yard adventure, computer bs not worth giving life up, human bs not worth it, being alone all the time, not so bad really, I come and go can you imagine a husband response to yah I’ll marry you but from now on I have to be able to come and go, doubt that would fly, miss seeing my daughter married and my future grand kids, miss watching my sister get old, that will be fun, watch myself get older, I’ll need new glasses for that,pissing my kids off for leaving early, probably a karmic nightmare

Ok you win I’ll stick it out and I’ll keep pushing and I’ll keep taking these life tests and going through these life trials because I can! I beat the hell out of my wireless router today and I didn’t give up and I am sending this post through the internet, courtesy of my own, installed by me, (took 3 miserable days) wireless internet router.

test me all you want life, have you seen the honey badger youtube clip yet? yeah that’s me, I am a honey badger and cemeteries are for later, or walking around taking pictures, hehehehehehehehehehehehhe

Fear whispers in my ears

Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Jim Morrison

I am moving a mountain again today. This one isn’t made of snow. As a matter of fact it has no physical qualities at all and it is the biggest mountain in my life.

Meet Fear Mountain.

I have been circling it for some time now and as a woman who intimidates nearly everyone I thinks it’s funny that there is another fricking mountain in my way! After the act which derailed my life(a delicate way of saying I had my ass handed to me) I thought my mountain climbing days were over because frankly I wanted them to be.

We have all had throughout our lives patches of difficult climbing conditions and you can’t move through life without climbing some mountains. Though most people would choose hills since they are easier to climb than mountains but that kind of take the easy way out of life does not garner great rewards. The big view is from on top of the mountain. I have seen a lot of vistas from all the mountains I have climbed. And all the mountains I climbed I now know were located in The Rocky Mountains, (get it, rocky life means lots of rocky mountains), Rocky Mountains. It was fear that motivated those climbs. I knew I would never get past the bull shit trapped in them there rocky mountains until I climbed over through and out the other side. Fast forward 50 years and I got to the other side. Whew!!!!!

Fast forward a few months and I realize that coming out the other side of the rocky mountains was just where the trailed led. I woke up at 50 filled with fear facing a new reconstructed life. I wasn’t climbing a mountain and in my life that is all I have ever done. What the hell is going on? Then I looked up and I saw the mountain. Fear Mountain. I was circling its base. I wasn’t looking up because fear was whispering in my ear. “It’s to high this time. There is no way we can climb that. That mountain is so high you cannot see the top.” Over and over again this stupid whispering voice.

So after much debate and a good swift kick to my own ass I am headed up the side of Fear Mountain. First step was a new location for the new road going up the side of what looks like an impossible climb. As I look around everyone else is still milling around the little hills and gnashing their teeth like they are actually doing something besides walking in circles around hills going nowhere. I break from the pack(like I ever walked with one) and head to the real mountain where no one else wants to go. I am heading up this mountain by myself with no living guide. My last living guide was an epic fail.

Who needs a guide! Like we learned when we were children walking is taking one step after another. Faith is knowing the trail will be under my feet and I will have a knowing of which way to go. So I am headed off on my uncharted journey after finally getting so sick of that stupid voice whispering in my ear about how afraid I should be. Just because I don’t where I am going, Yah well hey voice, I am going to the top! I am going to live free!

I moved a mountain yesterday

“I moved a mountain yesterday” she said in a victorious voice.

We had our first blizzard like storm in a while.  The wind was blowing so hard there was nowhere for the snow to go and it blew into a snow pile right in front of my garage. If that pile hadn’t formed I could have driven away with my all wheel drive car as it just didn’t look like that much snow. That was until you actually went outside and saw the mountain.

I went out the back door to grab the shovel and start the task. I surveyed all that I owned and there was the mountain. At first it looked like a wave frozen in time by the wind and cold. It was beautiful in its design with smooth steep sides and tiny paw prints running up one side and down the other. As I got lost in the beauty of the moment I began to realize it was also a snow mountain trapping my car in that garage.

In one brief moment that snow mountain went from being a thing of beauty and wonder to a are you kidding me that’s where the mountain had to form. A few feet in either direction and the job would have been nonexistent and at the very least a lot less work.

Now I know what you are thinking, where is your snow blower? Yah, I hate large smelly loud machine like things. Plus, I use shoveling as aerobic exercise and can then drink a glass of wine with little to no caloric guilt. But wine or not that mountain wasn’t moving itself. My neighbor has a plow on his truck and usually does this work but that mountain was near invisible from the distance he would have looked down my driveway to see it as he drove off to plow for others. No choice I was moving a mountain.

The work was hard and horrifying. I couldn’t stand a second of it. My arms were screaming. I had to move a large part of the pile to the side of the garage because there was no where for the excess snow to go. I moved snow until I couldn’t lift the shovel and just pushed it from one side to the other.

I had oh so much time to think because I don’t care what any one says shoveling is not a stay in the present moment kind of task. Standing out there in the quite of the post storm drama checking the size of that pile I knew there was going to be a lot of time to think.What I was thinking about was how pissed I was that stupid mountain had to be in my fricking way and that I had no one to help me move the fricking thing and if I wanted it moved I either had to find someone to do it, when the entire town was under a similar mountain range making kind of snowfall, or move the damn thing myself. I spent a month in France and winter kindly waited for my return, ahhhh how sweet, said with great sarcasm. I kept moving the mountain.

Just in the nick of time the teacher inside of me finally comes forth with her wise words pulling me out of my one woman freak out show, stomping my feet at the base of mt snowverest,”I can’t believe I have to move this fricking mountain by myself” said with loads of self pity. As I moved shovel full after shovel full. Then it kind of hit me. This same thing was happening in my life, there has been a  fricking mountain sitting in the middle of my life path blocking my way for some time. I have been so stuck in my head about where I am going and what am I suppose to be doing that my thought storm had finally created a thought mountain I could no longer cross.

I cannot stand when spiritual lessons come into the physical especially in the form of an actual snow mountain. I mean really wouldn’t a dream have work  just as well. Probably not for me as I continued to move more snow and said with a hint of a smile.

During a forced break, my chest heaving I can barely get a breath. I realized I had put a significant dent into that pile, check me out, said with chest out, then collapsing into a heap waiting for my breath to steady. I began thinking about how much better I felt on that day because I had made a few decisions that were getting me ready to start back on my life path. I had finally been able to make phone calls. I had finally sent those emails. What I had done was finally make the first necessary steps going towards some place getting ready to do something. Though I was still confused about the outcome it was certain I was moving the mountain.

In bed that night proud of the hard work of moving that snow mountain I thought of my own dilemma the way I had made a mountain out of a mole hill of an idea. I didn’t need to know where I was going but I would only learn where I was going and what I would do next once I began to live again. I didn’t have to know anything I just had to keep going. I just had to keep shoveling that thought mountain out-of-the-way, one shovel full at a time and before I knew it I will have moved a mountain.

“I moved a mountain yesterday” she said in a victorious voice.