It’s Sunday morning and after a very long week I needed a boost to keep me going when the reality is I am about done. Done with what? Well interesting that you ask…This last week was difficult. And in difficulty I found myself ready to give up.It gets very fatiguing to constantly hold all the balls in the air and deal with your personal bull shit at the same time. I am the mama bear in my family and the last line of defense, you want to hurt my family then you must go through me and just let me say few have had the nerve.
I also work really hard combating what is in my family genetics and for my birth family par for the course. We deal with issues of the head and mind. We are way to smart for our own good, we think too much, we think way to fast and we want everything at lightening speed. We battle depression bi polar condition, addictions. Sound familiar? We also have big hearts and are the kind of people who lend a hand and each of us have had that said hand slapped, hard.
My eldest Son is bi-polar and it is a rough life. It is a rough life for all of us who help him and he does the best he can, brain chemistry is a tricky thing. I digress. It was issues with this son and his family that has plagued me this week as I watch his constant battle one I fight with him and I got tired of the fight. As a mother I stand as a vibration holder for him, when he moves away from his center I use my vibration to help steady his. I got tired this week. It is hard work and my own life is no picnic right now,my loneliness gets me so hard sometimes I can’t breathe.
Back to this morning. I went to bed last night just done. Tired of feeling such pain and heaviness in my heart and really feeling forsaken by God. Hard sentence for me, my hope has been all I have had this last 3 years. I could not sleep I kept waking up this song playing in my head was making me cry over and over again. Then I woke for the last time and it was 7:24am I never sleep this late. I have a show I watch on Sunday mornings it starts at 7:30.
I went right for the tv remote and my show started. This preacher talked to me the entire half hour just like he always does. Surrounded by thousands at his church watched by millions he is only talking to me. Awesome right? Anyway he went on to say that when life gets hard and it looks like everything is going wrong sow seeds of that which you desire then the universe/God will deliver blessings to you. Now we have all heard serve man. I was once taught that to serve was the highest calling but for me when everything was taken away I had no interest in serving man. It was man who ruined everything for me in the first place.
It was how he said it that resonated. When I dip down my life in order to help my son I often forget the line between what is his and what is mine. As his mother I think it is all mine and I am responsible to always be there and help. Not so fast, often this man said, as we act on others as we would have them be, this vibration begins to run through our lives as well. So it is not a matter of what it is that is troubling us or our families it is what we do that gets a response.
You want sunshine in your life sow seeds of sunshine in the lives of others. When you experience financial problems give to someone in need. Dealing with depression help someone out of theirs. Feeling sadness then make someone else smile. Feel like the burden of the world is on your shoulders go to the internet and look at the state of the world and believe me your little crap looks like gold that day. Like “they” say it can always get worse might as well hope for the best.
So today I am sowing seeds. Everyone I come across gets a hey how are you doing? I helped the wheelchair woman with her laundry. I laughed with the gas station attendant when I bought my coffee. I feel better. I feel better.I talked to the laundry attendant way past wanting to but he seemed lonely too!
Sowing the seeds has been used so much I don’t really think of it any more but the principle that sending out the very vibration you need can bring it to you well that’s a valuable reminder of the principal of serving. I don’t have to volunteer. I don’t have to have special skill and I don’t need life to get worse just so I can have perspective on an issue that hurts me. I need to sow seeds of peace into every young man who is suffering like my son. I need to send light to every woman who is dealing with loneliness. I need to send light to all the families raising children sorry people but it is the hardest job on the planet hands down. I need to send light in to places where people are scared for their lives. I need to pray for the sick and the lonely the neglected. I need to sow seeds into the lives of others. So I will!
Breaking into song…”sowing the seeds of love, the seeds of love, sowing the seeds…