I am realizing more and more that my weaknesses are the very thing holding me up. Like so many women of my generation I believed in the old ways of what women roles are, mother, servant, slave.

I keep wondering what I am supposed to do. What am I waiting to do. Then there it is. Just like a woman I am waiting for what, permission, ideas, permission, a direction, permission..

Yeah I think I must be waiting for permission. I must believe that I need someone to tell me that I am ok, or that I am doing ok, going the right way. Yah, who is it I am waiting on to give me permission. So Stupid!

I have been so lonely these last 3 years yet I am so very certain I have needed the break and a big break from my old life was the only way to go. I have to quit doing this. So old! So tired of it! And I guess that is the key, same ole I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I also am very tired  of waiting on others to do the right thing. Or to do what it is I need to be ok,

God that makes me so mad. How do I show my daughter empowerment when I continue to lament about what happened to me using anger and the ever popular poor me. My fricking weakness, (look what happened how can I be expected not to be out of mind) Allow a weakness into your head and it will sit there and take up residence. Get the hell away from me said weakness!

Why do we do that? Ok maybe you don’t but some of us do….