Bored out of my mind I went for a walk under what looked like a sky getting ready to blow. I couldn’t help it when it is this grey and I am in a certain state of mind being outside is the only answer, rain or not. Out the door I went.
I love being outside when it’s like this because there are very few people out and about. You feel even in the middle of a busy downtown like you are the only person in the world. This is also why I love New York City on a Sunday morning, no one on the roads. Even the busiest cities in the world have their quiet times.
Today it’s an off and on rain. The kind of rain that used to piss me off because I didn’t want to get wet, mess my hair, or have wet feet. Back in the day growing up in Florida it was blast playing in the rain. It didn’t last long and usually cooled everything for a minute or two. It also made some awesome puddles to jump in. There is an element of the sweet innocent child I once was in that state of rainy cloudy loneliness.
There were others who had the same idea as I had, we nod as we silently pass each other. I walk by the church as the bells go off and a alleluia chorus begins serenading us from above. It was other worldly. It began to rain harder when I hit the park. I spied a huge tree and went for it. I stood under its large branches waiting it out watching others heads down just braving the rush of water.
It was so interesting how it felt just to be standing outside all around me was blowing rain and I was hiding under that tree. It reminded me of when I lived in the woods and we played a game as we walked the unpaved country roads, if you heard a car you had to head into the woods so as not to get caught. It was exciting to crouch down and watch the car go by. I found myself wanting to hide around the side of the tree as a person appeared on the path just as I did in the woods. Just like in the woods I didn’t want to be seen. So I did, I walked around the tree as the other person walked around on the other side. They never saw me. Just like that the little girl I once was I recognized the game of being alone. I am well used to this game.
The rain lessens for a moment and I walk further done the trail and there is the water’s edge where a cool tree long ago fell but continued to grow. I hid there so I could watch the ducks at the edge. Ducks do not trust anything that moves fast so I move slowly so I can watch and then every animal in that area became really interested in me. The ducks swam in place watching me, the squirrel came around the side of the tree and these other birds were darting back and forth. I imagine a huge number of nests are hidden in those cattails.
Rain lessens again and I head out. The path is clear of people and its like I have the whole town to myself again. I walk through the park and head towards my building. The emptiness of the world is reflected in the pond found deep within me. Still waters that run ever so deep and there is wisdom. This wisdom of mine so cleverly hidden by the lotus flowers covering the surface of my inner waters. Just like curtains holding back prying eyes. Or better yet like soil protecting my next new seed.
I am to be alone for now and I will do it like someone filled by a great lake. Sometimes I will rise up and overflow my banks consumed by rivers of trapped grief. Sometimes I will not move a ripple held in reverence of the present moment. Sometimes I will rage and throw myself around rattling the cages of my mind destroying falsehoods and fake Gods. And sometimes I will play and send my waves high into the sky searching to reach my maker. I will throw myself into his arms reaching higher and higher with my waves tall like huge sky scrapers soaring into the heavens.But for now my waters are still and covered by flowers, they conceal the who I am, for now!
I like walking in the rain. Today it was my meditation, it was my communion, it was a gift.