It has taken me almost a week to process the events of my daughters big day. The look of happiness on her face made every minute of so-called upset totally worth it. I was also blessed to be the officiant of the wedding of my daughter and her wonderful partner Jeremy. That Sunday evening was a beautiful time that celebrated the love that Natalie and Jeremy share with each other. I witnessed it. I saw his face when my daughter made the turn at the end of the aisle and in that moment as she stood suspended in time only her eyes moved as she looked to meet his. It was an image of the budding intimacy between the new couple. It was lovely and sacred. We were all witness to the exchange. Both of them were overwhelmed by what they saw and what they felt. It was palpable you couldn’t help but feel it. Ahhh love.
It was also a day of great healing as their father and I laid down our differences and decided to proceed down our path together with our children in peace. He has a new woman in his life and it is wonderful to see him happy after so many years of apparent unhappiness. Each of us are due some peaceful times. My children have gone through so much over the years and much of it the fault of their father and myself. Now I believe we all deserve a time of being not always having to be doing, a time of thriving not always just surviving. It has to be my families turn for success, and above all a time of peace and joy.
It was this thought that gave me pause when I saw this picture of the newlyweds at the reception. I realized it is the generation of my children who will be the ones who heal the wounds of our past generational ills. There has been so much dysfunction and pain in my family. So much abuse, so much ignorance. But now we are at a time of the silver lining. Our families will be healed by my children’s desire to be partnered and parents and it will happen as the next generation continues to make an appearance. There will be lots more babies and the appreciation of the newness of life will be reflected in their brand new eyes. Yes it is a time of healing. It is a time of love.
As I gazed at the picture I felt my heart swell for my daughter and I also felt a shift in how I now saw her. I had not expected that. My son is married and has been with Tana I think 14 years. Tana has made a relationship with my bi-polar son possible. I love that he is married. It helps him and it helps me. She also gave me my grandson that great big ball of light that lives in my heart. They are a family and my Grandson is school-aged. They had a wedding and everything. In my mind I rationalized, I have already gone through this process of losing a child to marriage. So why does it feel so different to have my daughter married and having been the one who welcomed them into their new life. I kept wondering why it feels like such a huge difference?
I think it is because she is a married woman now. On that Sunday morning she was my daughter and by that Sunday night she was somebodies wife. Everything will change. She will now be in charge of a growing family unit. She will soon desire to go through the huge transition that is bringing babies into the picture. She will share her inner self with her husband in a way she no longer will with me. How odd! There is now someone between my child and myself. Unlike my son who still stands next to me only ever a phone call away. A role he cherishes. It is different with her. She will now have to differ to a husband and she will learn to dole out her time between us. And I as a good mother and mother in law I will always differ to him, really, yes, of course, really, no fricking way, no, of course, yes, what ever they want. I will be a good mother in law, (fingers crossed on the just in case).
Oh my God my life is happening on a completely different part of my life’s timeline. Wow, more silver hair.
Two of my children are married and my youngest son is happily employed in his field in California. I am standing at a crossroads on my own path just as my kids have moved to new locations on their own. The tree of life is in motion. The seeds I have nurtured are moving into the next stage of their very own trees. My seeds have laid down roots and are beginning to sprout their own seeds. We will be a new grove of many diverse kinds of trees. There will be such a variety that great creator will be most pleased with what I have done in my lifetime. Creator will be pleased with what I have done with my riches that my life has been so blessed with. I can’t help but believe that children are blessings given by God and they are our greatest contribution to humanity. So people love your children well so they may in turn learn to love others and more importantly themselves equally well. Let’s get back to remembering and understanding our longevity is found in our family lines and the stories we tell our families and the stories they will tell about us.