Old shirt new shirt


The ego is our enemy there can be no doubt. The ego just loves to ruin our day. For me there is nothing more disgusting than being dressed and out the door just to learn upon seeing your reflection in a window that the outfit in mind is not the outfit on. The clothes at first glance that seemed to be cool and hip turned into a fashion faux pas and one begins tumbling into the abyss of despair. I am in LA there can be no city more vain or more concentrated on the physical form and how it is dressed. Being dressed correctly seems very important out here.

I have an interesting relationship with clothes I see them as self-expression I see them as art. I know them as practical but I hate that word practical. It’s practically boring. Anyway back in my no money days and when my kids were small we hit garage sales for new fashions, goodwill, and thrift stores. That way you could dress as an individual without breaking the bank. But of course only us cool kats did that and later we learned to hide the fact we wore used clothes because in some circles it was and still is seen as gross. To me it has been and still is treasure hunting. The other day I found a treasure the next day I wore it.

Proud of my new look I hit the street in search of breakfast and got nailed as I caught my reflection in a store glass and looked up to see how everyone else was dressed. In that moment I forgot myself and everything about myself I was 15 again and awkwardly aware of how wrong my clothes were and I just knew everyone would know I had bought the top used and I forgot my Louis Vuitton bag and now I feel stupid. The first store I go in the women treat me like I have a hole in my head why would I be in their store. Now I feel stupid and bad.

This is where I hit the pause button on my DVR. I have been in this emotional f@&king trap hundreds of thousands of times. I have let mountains of time go by feeling bad about how I look and what ever was happening around me just became background noise. I have lost moments I can’t get back worrying about how I look. How stupid does that sentence even read???? So as my DVR was on pause and I went through the scenario of stupid thoughts I decided to stand up and wear what I had on as if I loved it and I had chosen it. I had found it and thought it a treasure so I would wear it as a treasure. Emotions adjusted I hit the play button on the DVR and restarted my walk.

Next store clothes still not for my body, sales woman knew it, then I knew it, but this time all calm and sweet me saying thank you as I left, out the door saying to myself ‘ok I can do this’. Next store I walk in looking around sales woman approaches me, “I love your shirt”, she loves my shirt, my treasure, she thinks it’s cool too. Next store same thing again this time the guy sales person, ” I love your shirt.” A young guy even!

There it was when I turned my thinking around and loved the shirt because I loved the shirt the power attached to my mistaken thought around my ‘used’ shirt went away. When I took back the awesomeness of my shirt then others saw the awesomeness as well. Well it was probably my awesomeness in the shirt but that shirt is awesome and so am I.

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