This image says a lot about what has been going on within my mind lately. I have made a mistake because I have been lost in a mind trap. A trap of my own making.
Keeping my focus on my son for the last few months has moved my thinking mind away from my own personal troubles and has allowed me great focus on something I thought I was in control of. As a mother we get lost easily in the fog of, “Oh my God what is happening?” and forget to step back and remember that each child has its own path and karma to work out even when a lot of the karma may be with the parents. The thing I did right was stand next to him while the storm was brewing in his mind and did my best with the help of all the energies of the heavens to anchor him in a better thought. What I did wrong was allowed it to get inside of me making me walk in as much pain as he was.
The mind trap of our thinking makes everything personal and then we will allow ourselves to get distracted from our own lives and soon we are lost in someone else’s hell. To each his own and stay out of my head and I’ll stay out of yours. What good do I do when I am lost worrying about him? Is he lost worrying about me? No, no one is. What we spend our time dwelling on is where the energy of our thinking will become stuck. Every time I over think my son’s condition I draw fire to it. Making it more of an issue than maybe it would be if my thinking towards it became more solid in its desire for resolution rather than how do I put this fire out. Chaos living and thinking breeds chaos living and thinking. Now that sounds fun right?
As usual in the morning I do my spiritual reading setting the tone for the day I get this message that the book I am reading is a waste of time, I reach for the next nope that one too. So I go upstairs fully aware I have read everything up there and with a mind like a steel trap I don’t really care to reread books. But I felt led so I sat down and perused my books. One from an old teacher popped up, subject, The Mind. Flip open the book and there it was the description of what I was doing. This whole thing with Nicholas is a tragedy and has become a mind trap for me. In the ever-present let go and let God ideology is a parent struggling to know where the line is between letting go, little g and letting GO big G. How do you let go when holding on seems like the safer answer, who wants their kid to die if you could have been able to do something about it, MIND TRAP.
According to this teacher the mind is in service to the human and is our greatest tool and enemy. It can work for us and against us sometimes at the same time, mind trap. When we are lost in thoughts or suffering because of our thinking it keeps the mind busy and this, the mind likes. You can think of the mind like a teenager that thinks it knows everything and is happy to convince you, be mad at you and ignore you, all at the same time, wow! The mind will lead you down any path you wish and will guide and judge you depending on your mood or weakness, it doesn’t care. The mind is to be controlled, but by you not for you.
In the tools of meditation is the key to mastering the wandering mind. Sitting at the temple of your inner self lets you become the master rather than the servant. But it doesn’t happen because you want it to, it happens but because you have taken the time to learn how your mind works. It is then that you make it serve you. Yesterday I told my mind to shut up it was driving me crazy. Will he be alright? It’s his birthday what if it gets out of control? What if? What If? What if I stop this freaking mind trap nightmare and move on down the road. If the creator of the universe is indeed in charge then things down here must be going according to plan. It’s plan not mine!
I do more good for my son and family keeping my mind under control reminding myself that the creator of the universe probably gets what is happening, I am after all screaming for help on a regular basis. Leading to the ask and ye shall receive, a saying not followed by badger God until something happens or flip out and make something happen, mind traps.
Having faith during scary times whether it be real world or in your house is walking a path with your head up not down. The mind trap will spring in a millisecond telling you that you are right, wrong, happy, sad, good heavens, it will tell you what you want to hear and hate to hear and will stop when you make it. Faith is walking a path of light without any guarantees of outcome. Walking in faith becomes your life when the mind is your servant reminding you of your awesomeness and that everything is going according to plan. Walk in light and the light will lead you. Walk in fear and there is a trap up ahead just waiting to grab you in the dark.
Don’t get caught in a trap, she says breaking into an Elvis Presley song, “I’m caught in a trap, I can’t walk out, because I love you too much baby” great song…