I have to many questions. So many questions and nowhere to go for answers. I think lots of people feel this way. What’s going to happen? When will it happen? Will it ever happen? Questions questions questions!
What is the answer? Where do we go for answers? And do we even get to have the answers?
I truly believe that the hardest thing for a human to go through are the kind of life changing events that rips the rug out from underneath you. One minute life is moving along and boom, knock on the door, telephone call, or your own impending trip to the doctor, bad news. These are the events we are not prepared for and are often the events that stop humans in their tracks. Wow that bend in the road about took my head off. Talk about having questions!
Like my grandma whose life stopped after grandpa died. He took care of her and all of her needs. She never drove a car, paid a bill so after his sudden death she pretty much sat down on her coach and waited so her reunion with grandpa. It took 20 some years. This cannot be the answer though it was hers and she was lonely but fine with it. I am not. I don’t want this for me. I don’t want to sit down.
I walk a spiritual path that is difficult for most people to understand. I take nothing for granted and believe whole-heartedly that as horrible as things can sometimes get there is a higher power in charge(Praise God) and, that there is a reason things are happening (so tired of this sentence, there is always a reason yah so show it to me, I say!!!!!!!). I know there is an answer out there but it is taking so fricking long to show up. Walk in faith the voice says.
I am tired of the questions. I am tired of the uncertainty and that is my humanness speaking. Uncertainty is a part of the process of a person walking in faith. I can’t imagine being Job but am pretty sure I am his sister. So I work very hard at keeping my eyes looking up when what I really want is to close them tight. I am so tired of wanting answers.
My heaviness is a recognition of the heaviness on the planet. While the children are so excited about the coming of Santa others are hoping we can just get through the holidays without jumping over fiscal cliffs, or a war breaking out somewhere. I guess the best reminders of the okness of life are the joy of good health, knowing that your family is ok, maybe just being able to take in a breath unaided makes it a good day. Maybe just being ok is good enough for now. Maybe the new year will bring answers. But right around the corner of this problem being solved is the next question that needs answering and it will be just as pressing.
Reminds me of what my Dad says, we never get anything fixed, really and there is always something to tend to. I guess that would be called the journey of life. How about that, question answered.