There is a sensation in my chest, a sense of urgency. It’s the feeling of ‘have I forgotten something?’ It feels like the sensation of an answer being on the tip of your tongue but not quite in your consciousness. Something feels off. What the hell? I could look for someone to talk to about it, but who? Who can answer such questions? Seeking and desiring answers, is it just attachment? Am I allowed to know what I don’t know? Am I just bored? Am I stuck? Am I in a holding pattern? Am I just unwilling to seeing what is front of my face? So I must go into myself and sit on a platform high in the sky trying to get better perspective. I believe nothing can be seen clearly from where I am here on the ground steeped in the physical world.
Here I constantly want to be distracted. I want to walk towards food, or fun. I do not want to focus or figure it out. I am tired of that. I just want something to take my mind off of what I don’t know and can’t figure out. I have to pull myself up because the pull down to the material world and all of its distractions can be intense. Oh the worry, oh the stress and tomorrow is another day.
I read on social media one after another of these spiritually enlightened messages wondering who is following these wise words. Because if spiritual platitudes made us enlightened the world would be a very different place. I see multitudes of spiritual teachers in video trying to help us see. They say, (they?) spiritual lessons can be learned from a book or a teacher but if they are never put into practice what difference does it make that someone can sound good, but in the end they can’t do any good, not for anyone much less themselves. What difference does it make what I know, has it helped?
We say we want spirituality but most desire money and power and control. The new age has us living far away from ourselves as we thought the accoutrement of living a spiritual life was the path. Dress the part, chanting or no chanting, hair or no hair, meat or no meat, this is what is important, from down here. We are missing the heart of the teachings. I need to see, more.
So I move to my platform in the sky, the one in my mind’s eye. I sit in silence because I am sick of my own voice. I sit with my eyes closed I am sick of what I see, could we have a little more pain on the planet thank you very much. But the thinking does no good. Stop thinking! I am up here to be, just be, just be, and figure out what just be means. The hardest thing I have heard is just be who you are. Just be, just be who? Me.
I am going to sit here on this platform in the sky in my mind’s eye until I see clearer. I going to sit here until I hear clearer. I am going to figure out which voice is mine , you know the one in my head. I am going to force my body to be quiet and quit taking so much of my time and energy. I am going to still the stupid voice in my head so I can hear someone else talk, you know inside my head.I am going to try to hear through my heart not just my head. I am going to sit here until I see God, hear God, feel God. And then I will come back down knowing the voice in my head is the voice of God and the feeling in my chest is the presence of God. Then the words coming out of my mouth will be the wisdom of God.
Where did we think wisdom comes from? It is inside of us accessible all the time, we must desire it. I desire it!