I am at a mid-point in my life and not just in my chronological age. I am also at the end of a depression brought on by tremendous personal loss and that has helped put me at this crossroads. Having faced such vast personal loss I have been unwilling to look forward. I just moved through my days, no one day different from the next.
For a long time I thought my indecision about what to do next was more of a response to my need to be reclusive, a reaction brought on by the humiliation of betrayals and the loss of my mother. But now I know it has been so much more than that. I thought I wasn’t moving forward because I had wrapped myself in a blanket of emotional distance to give myself space, you know for healing. What I was really doing was using every excuse I could think of to stay where I was, lost in depression. I had every right to stay depressed for as long as I needed. That was until I was ready to grow again spiritually. Time to move forward.
Spiritual teachers move through dark nights of the soul just as everyone does. Especially when greater spiritual awakening is a life long desire. Suffering in any form is a great teacher and it separates the wannabe’s from the I will be’s. When as a spiritual student I thought I had finally found my path, my teacher, my way and was living a Godly life I stopped looking any further for guidance. I thought I had everything I needed and wanted. I thought I had control over my situation. Big stop signs threw me off course and I thought as anyone would that there had been a mistake. I am a spiritual person things like this don’t happen, obviously, God had other plans for the seeds that I was using to pave my life.
Of course I am reminded of the spiritual story about blooming where you are planted. When I am in LA I see sprouted seeds all day. There are flowers everywhere, growing everywhere they can. Plants and flowers exotic to us grow like weeds and are barely acknowledged they are just blooming where they are planted. The moral being not to wait for ideal growing conditions to sprout your seed but do your best to grow wherever you are at.
But after this rather long break from my life I see the idea of our spiritual seed blooming where its planted being applied to our mental lives as well. We may never get where we desire in our spiritual lives or what we think we deserve. We may have to suffer through many dark nights of the soul and feel we are never getting anywhere in our desire for spiritual growth. Rather than thinking we need a teacher to get out of our rut, or spiritual direction from someone to move forward, we might want to think on the idea of blooming where we are planted. Even when that means growing in a temporary garden of doubt and misery. Into every garden a little rain will fall.
A seed will work to fulfill its mission of sprouting, no matter the cost or the time spent, and it is driven to do so, I think it the same with the spiritual seed born within each of us. It is driven to sprout and just a little spiritual rain will do. We may think we need the perfect church, faith or religious community to bloom spiritually. We may think we can only practice our faith or belief system under ‘these perfect’ conditions. Not true. Anyone who has ever been locked up either in body or soul understands that freedom is all in the mind. A spiritual life is sprouted from the seed’s desire, in it’s will to be.
The spiritual seed can be awakened by living waters anytime anywhere. Just the smallest spark of spiritual understanding can be enough to sprout the Divine in man. Bloom where you are planted and start with the garden in your mind. And remember where ever you are is where your garden is at, and whatever you say waters it, and whatever you think fertilizes it, so tend to it correctly and there is nothing you cannot grow.