the grace of a human


IMG_0004I am very disheartened lately, every where I turn I am looking at humans who seem to have no grace left or the idea of grace was something never taught. What happened to the idea of a woman being a graceful and mysterious presence. Do we still think of ourselves as nothing unless stared at by someone for whatever reason?

I walk the streets of sunny CA and see every manner of human in every state of dress. Believe me there are some beautiful people on this planet. I just wished I didn’t have to see so much of them. I guess what I really wish is for all the women to really understanding how the men are looking at them. I watch guys mouths open openly staring, well hell I’m looking too, you can’t help it. But these men are not just looking they are LOOKING! Like the man I called out with his tongue out, “I can’t help it” he says and I have to say the chick barely had pants on.

As a spiritual woman and a yogi I want to take them aside and show them what we see and how we see them when they are walking ahead of us leaving nothing to the imagination of every man woman and child walking by. It’s not that it matters so much what you wear, wear what you want. This is certainly not a feminist debate for me, again you are free to wear what you want. I’m just tired of looking at butt cracks or camel toes where they don’t belong.

When do we as women acknowledge there is not a one of us wearing skin-tight clothes whose is not uncomfortable, no one is enjoying their pants riding up into the nether regions. Most women are mortified when they find they have on clothes that become sheer in the sun. I know some or not, believe me I know.

The worse for me is in yoga class. The very place where respect of the vessel we inhabit is taught. The place where we practice realizing this material world is an illusion. Yoga class where we chant to unite ourselves with our God, our inner Divinity. The men all have appropriate clothes on. The women are divided by how they feel about their bodies. The more skin showing both a sign of more confidence or less self-esteem. I dislike it all. And its all enforced by the yoga clothing companies that are making the clothes so tight and revealing.

Just think yogis use to wear loose baggy clothes to practice yoga in, it was more about the postures, the practice, connecting with God than how you looked. Women use to wear clothes to flatter their bodies not to show us how their flesh is wrapped by their body. It was about weaving a mystery around your self, leaving things to the imagination and if you were in a relationship your partner would love it if you wore clothes. Men have been able to do what they want and the worst it has gotten is the constant appearance of some man’s drawers because they don’t or can’t pull their pants up any more.

I am ready to see a beautiful woman walk by fully dressed, a man with his pants up and frankly fitting his ass. Most of all I want to see less of you. The picture you show us as you walk amongst us is telling us who you are and how you feel about yourself. So really look in the mirror before you head out the door. Try to have some grace about yourself, we can see you!!!!!!!

a new year, finally some movement


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This is what it looked like in Duluth when I left. A horror show of unending winter and solitary living and for me the impending depression of being locked in a house alone for months, months, and more months. Its beautiful there is no doubt but past the beauty is the awareness of what this type of winter can do to a person, or me. When you are doing what you are led to do life feels good, you feel a sense of satisfaction because you are where you are supposed to be, regardless of the weather. When there is an undercurrent of dissatisfaction chances are you are not in the right place at all. One of the worst traits of a human is the inability to take charge when something is wrong and bitch about it rather than take action. Inaction is a decision just as not making a decision is a decision.

This is where I am nowIMG_0948well the location, that was the view off my hotel balcony I am in a different room now. Point being when I decided to make a move, for me at first the guilt was overwhelming. How do I feel ok leaving my son, what if he has a breakdown? What about my daughter with a new baby, will she be ok? How do I feel ok doing for me when my kids “need” me? And this is how the lying starts. Its just a trap.

We pretend we are needed so we can stay trapped. We pretend that our own interests and needs can be overrun by anyone and we let them. Another trap. Boo, bad behavior. Why do we act so weak-willed? We are supposed to do what we are called to do, and do it with right attitude. We are to live our lives with some sacrifice but not as a martyr. The ever giving mother is a misconstrued idea, a true mother is a person first and it is a title not a life sentence. On the flip side not wanting to parent after your children have arrived makes you a f*&ker, sorry, it’s a hard job but you called for it the minute you had sex, now deal with it. Same goes for all the humans who spend more time bitching about their state of affairs than doing anything about it. We live in a state of entitlement in this country that upsets me. We believe we are owed big for just being alive and awesome, while others on the planet would like a fresh drink of water and maybe a little food if that isn’t a problem. Being a human is a hard job doing it correctly takes time and effort.

Even the spiritual student who thinks they have all the answers will find themselves swimming in shark infested waters of negativity and feeling left out, under appreciated and basically invisible. So who is it that you are trying to get to notice you? God? Your partner? Everyone on the street? Who are you being spiritual for?

Awe, silly human. Now know I am talking to the choir and that’s me in the first row. I have spent so much time wondering what others thought until the day my family turned their backs on me for what I thought, no need to think on that anymore. I was having a hard time with this issue when my reading told me to look for the presence of God and that that was the answer. I had to think on that.

When we really get how things are here on Earth, we will realize that everything in the created world is made from the same building blocks, those little atoms, and that is the presence of God, in those atoms. Which means the presence of God is everywhere and in everything. So when we are out of sync you can imagine the atoms are swirling but not in a comfortable manner. When we are moving with life following the signs that are everywhere, those atoms are talking to us every minute, life moves smoothly.

I decided to make a move to help myself, to move away from depression. I have decided to love those little atoms because they are God. Science tells us atoms have consciousness and they are affected by how we think, interesting right? So I am going to pay more attention to them. I have been blessed by God and those atoms are with me all the time. The presence of God is there and there and when we meditate we bring the atoms into alignment and we feel the power of God that much more. That’s the walk of a spiritual person, when we walk with the wind it gently pushes us froward, when we walk against the wind it pushes at us hard.

Working with the universal laws that the creator has put in place allows us to live our lives as they were meant to be lived. So that’s me on the beach, sitting in the sun, taking charge of those atoms letting them be near me and leading me where I am suppose to be, or better yet where God wishes for me to be.