I wish I could help


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Everyone of us have needed help at some point on our journey and if you lived a blessed life somebody was there to do the work of your care when you needed it. During a crisis someone needs to be there to help you sort out the details so you don’t lose yourself in the stream of stuff rather than the heart of the matter. A crisis is the fork in the road of transformation and sometimes looks like the worse thing that can ever happen. Death, divorce, sickness, depression, financial ruin are the markers that can identify the road of transformation. It can happen suddenly, one day your life was this and now it’s that. It’s a time to put the wisdom to work, not crawl in a hole.

So many of our days are spent in the in-between state of being here, and going there, but not there yet. We work the wisdom we gather in our everyday life sometimes perfectly aware that something isn’t right in our world. And one day the fire keg of change goes off and everything is changed in an instant. Someone loses their job, a spouse cheats, or leaves, our children leave, someone must battle sickness, of any kind. Everything is changed. It’s hard to watch someone going through the fire of change for so often people use the fire to bring everything down without letting it be a cleansing act in their lives. Instead it becomes an act of self-hatred and the loss of power and a desire to bring everything down with you. It’s hard to watch and hard to guide someone through.

Self empowerment through horrible life change is a gift but a gift through tears.  If you yourself have gone through such a situation you will know it renders one helpless, unable to accept responsibility or accept help. You can get trapped in a fog of denial or victimization. This point of transformation must be gone through for better or worse and those on the outside must step back and let the chips fall where they do. It is no fun to watch and is hard to take when your loved one is in so much emotional pain, you want to step in.  At some point there is no real help to be had and only support that can be given, it is through these difficulties we all learn what helps us to grow. There is as much growth to be had in the awareness that we as caregiver can only do so much as it is to know what needs to be done can only be done by the one experiencing the transformation.

The person going through the trauma has work to do and it is work they must do. For a parent or care giver this is a hard place to stand in. But stand there we must. We can guide and cajole, speak words of wisdom and loving encouragement buts it’s a test of trust and faith as we must just let it be. So as I watch the trauma unfold, I wish I could help but I know the best I can do is guide and hope my guiding leads to the road of hope.

The in-betweens


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This picture is a perfect representation of my today. I am in-between states, in-between moods, in-between worlds. In other words its the day right after a healing training I just completed. It’s that in-between time of making a huge leap from one state of being to the next state of becoming. Time to take that leap to reach the next level.

I do a lot of spiritual work mostly to be a better mom and grandma and then a citizen of the world. In a world filled with pain and suffering spiritual understanding is the only answer I seek. I believe guidance from within will always lead me to where I need to go, where as guidance from outside takes me where someone else thinks I ought to be. A true spiritual student bears the responsibility of reaching the goal, the teacher can only lead, we have to leap!

Nothing is ever immediate and the letting go of the past conditions of our lives is a tricky thing when dysfunction is the norm in our world. The in-between state is a slippery slope or a rock stuck between two cliffs. What I mean is during the training we got so excited about what we were learning that we saw how putting the practice to work will change our lives for the better. Oh how exciting I just love life, she says walking home from the training with a big smile. Next morning the in-betweens set in.

Life today is the same as the days before the training. Nothing changed in my outer world, still doing dishes, laundry and dealing with life, and it made me feel a little blah. I was on such a high all weekend. Today I am alone in my apartment, what happened? I jumped off my cliff onto the rock, the in-between space, my life has changed but the full on effect will come on like a gentle breeze. The way to move past the in-betweens is to understand that change comes like a subtle wind, we have to trust in the process of change, or we become stuck and maybe find ourselves back on the first cliff afraid to complete the work. We have to have faith, faith in the work, faith in the guiding aspect of God.

My teacher says faith is manifesting evidence. A person with belief only believes because they have been shown. Faith is the eyes that see God and through the work of faith evidence is manifested as that which was done in faith reaps its reward.

So I reach for my spiritual tool belt and put the wisdom to work. I breath in and the most important thing I can remember is that I am not doing any of this for me, or to get anything, I do this work for others who have it worse than I do. I do it to lift the vibration of our world. Because when I elevate myself I elevate everyone. And an elevated world is what I wish to leave for my children and my children’s children.

Enough in-between, I’m jumping to that other cliff!

the power and woes of being a parent


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I agree. I remember when I found out I was pregnant the first time. Still a teenager I had decided to keep my baby and do what I felt was the right thing. Fast forward 34 years and I am still struggling with this boy as he struggles with the disability of his bipolar condition he lets over take him when the darkness gets ever so dark. I may not have been prepared to be a mom, and frankly who is, but what I found out and not through my own family is that having a child is very much an extension of self. What he is I am and I lead him so he may know which way to go and most certainly which way not to go. The eternal hope of the parent. If I don’t do it, who will?

Problem with parenting is that there can be a number of others who begin to contribute to the wellbeing of your child, other parents, teachers, peers, and mentors. SO a strong parent voice is the best defense to others who would speak before they think or those who speak from the head rather than the heart. SO many of our children are hurt in their heart by words spoken to them by a person who was to love them unconditionally. It happens and next shall be apologizes, words not often spoken from a parent to a child, I am sorry! We teach them we as parents are not perfect, just striving to be our best, so they will know the same, we don’t expect perfection just the best they can be. Wisdom people, they need wisdom!

Having children will be hands down the hardest thing I have done and will frankly be the only job I stand before God beaming with pride as I say I did my best God. I made my children’s well-being my guiding light. I will hope to do this for my grandchildren as well. Let’s do this for all of the children. Smile at the children you see so they will know they are seen. Listen to the children so they know they will be heard and love the children well so that love may grow in their hearts making them loving children of God!