I wish I could help


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Everyone of us have needed help at some point on our journey and if you lived a blessed life somebody was there to do the work of your care when you needed it. During a crisis someone needs to be there to help you sort out the details so you don’t lose yourself in the stream of stuff rather than the heart of the matter. A crisis is the fork in the road of transformation and sometimes looks like the worse thing that can ever happen. Death, divorce, sickness, depression, financial ruin are the markers that can identify the road of transformation. It can happen suddenly, one day your life was this and now it’s that. It’s a time to put the wisdom to work, not crawl in a hole.

So many of our days are spent in the in-between state of being here, and going there, but not there yet. We work the wisdom we gather in our everyday life sometimes perfectly aware that something isn’t right in our world. And one day the fire keg of change goes off and everything is changed in an instant. Someone loses their job, a spouse cheats, or leaves, our children leave, someone must battle sickness, of any kind. Everything is changed. It’s hard to watch someone going through the fire of change for so often people use the fire to bring everything down without letting it be a cleansing act in their lives. Instead it becomes an act of self-hatred and the loss of power and a desire to bring everything down with you. It’s hard to watch and hard to guide someone through.

Self empowerment through horrible life change is a gift but a gift through tears.  If you yourself have gone through such a situation you will know it renders one helpless, unable to accept responsibility or accept help. You can get trapped in a fog of denial or victimization. This point of transformation must be gone through for better or worse and those on the outside must step back and let the chips fall where they do. It is no fun to watch and is hard to take when your loved one is in so much emotional pain, you want to step in.  At some point there is no real help to be had and only support that can be given, it is through these difficulties we all learn what helps us to grow. There is as much growth to be had in the awareness that we as caregiver can only do so much as it is to know what needs to be done can only be done by the one experiencing the transformation.

The person going through the trauma has work to do and it is work they must do. For a parent or care giver this is a hard place to stand in. But stand there we must. We can guide and cajole, speak words of wisdom and loving encouragement buts it’s a test of trust and faith as we must just let it be. So as I watch the trauma unfold, I wish I could help but I know the best I can do is guide and hope my guiding leads to the road of hope.

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