Life


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One of the biggest misconception in life is the idea that your life is your own and that you are actually in charge. We are very egotistical people and often can’t see what is passing before our eyes. We see what we want to see and feel how we want to feel and pretty much do what we want to do. And if things aren’t going well, we love to complain about our lives.

We will push our systems to the limit by eating a crappy diet, not drink enough water or simply not get enough rest but when we get sick or feel like crap over our broken down body we start looking for someone to blame. You pushed your body and now your body is pushing you. Off to the drug store! But they don’t sell fix my mood, or lift this depression pills over the counter, you need a doctor for those.

The same things that will make you sick physically will also make you sick mentally and while we will try to manage physical symptoms we never think about dealing with the mental mess. My Dad had chronic stomach pain, and digestive issues, nearly every year I lived with him, he also had a terrible anger management problem. He was angry all the time. He thought it was because the entire world was made up of idiots that had to be yelled at to do a good job. It never occurred to him, his mother or his wife, that his chronic stomach issues, that he constantly complained about, were related to his constant and steady anger.

Or think about the many stories there are of women caught in the madness of “the change” as it use to be called. Think of hormonal imbalances in women who have no idea what a hormonal imbalance is, most think she is crazy because one minute she is up and the next she is down. Really how many people have been heavily medicated over issues that were related to something else. Our bodies are like machines that have certain maintenance requirements for steady service. And a breakdown in one system can be related to a problem in a different system.

When we do not take car care of the car the car will break down on us, if we don’t take care of the body it will not take care of us. Right now, can you take in a deep breath without coughing? Can you bend and reach your toes? Can you stand on one foot easily? Are you in charge of your mind, or do obsessive thoughts plague you? Do you have pain? Everything that you think you are “dealing” with is something that will simply grow into a bigger problem if the underlying issue is not being tended to. The body is hardcore like that. It will give you what you ask for until the day it can’t and on that day you won’t just be changing the battery!

These bodies were given to us. You woke up one day and looked in the mirror and there you were, but you came from somewhere and when you leave you will be going somewhere, obviously something is in charge of this game called life. We are players on the planet just as the animals. We are under a constant threat of natural disasters, and radical environmental changes, just like the animals. But as humans we were given the thinking brain that was to go above and beyond the instinct brain to the active participation of life brain, rolling with the changes rather than rolled over by them. Figuring out what works and what doesn’t.

Why are we constantly recreating the wheel? Or better yet when did people start thinking they could get away with stuff?

Our body is the vessel we are playing the game of life in and we are in charge of taking care of it. As players of the game we learn the rules and try to stay alive but as in any game there is an entire underworld at play trying to throw us off our game and take over our lives. When we are not consciously in charge of ourselves there is another power(your subconscious animal self) that will take over and do your job. To win at life is to stay as conscious as you can, as much as you can, through the entire day, week, month, year, consciousness is the goal.

From a place of consciousness comes the connection to that that is more than the small nature of the minds of men.It is the creative current that sustains life. As humans it is time to redefine what it is to live a successful life.

Everyday is another change to start again.

Dealing with days after death


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Time is the only thing that moves the sting of death. The further one is from the date of the tragedy the further the remembrance of the impact the tragedy produced. We as humans are asked to go through many challenging events, death is but one of them.

We are often tested by virtue of circumstances like war separating the men from the boys and girls from the women. Other times its something that happen’s hitting us close to home. A death or great tragedy in a family brings out the survivor, the victim, the teacher, and the follower. It will bring out the worst in us or the best in us but most of us need the tragedy to turn on the hero or see the tyrant within us. Tragedies are meant to stir this teaching that we are greater than the small-mindedness of our beliefs and we have the chance to grow and change everyday and sometimes we will be pushed.

The days after a great loss or death are filled with the sorrow of those around us. We come together to share memories and stories and sometimes a shoulder to help bear hearing the story again under hushed whispers. These are important days and must be shared with reverence but the real work of loss is found in the days when others can return to a “normal” life and you cannot. They go back to a before and you are now stuck in the after.

The empty days after the tragedy are fraught with too much time for thinking and rethinking, finger-pointing and guilty flag waving. And some must be expected as our human emotions left unleashed do unleash the torrent of sadness and anger left behind but not played out. Why did you do that to us?, we are left to ask, no one…

Faith is tested and we need to help stand next to the wobbly, next to those God is testing the most. Do not so easily walk away from someone who has experienced a tragedy. They may be strong in your eyes but behind closed doors we are all human. We are meant to learn all the hard lessons God thrusts onto us whether we want to or not. It is through community a person can gather the strength of remembering what is forgotten in the darkness of disbelief and despair. Being a spiritual warrior is to be present when someone needs you, not when its convenient for you.

Be true to your sister or brother who has experienced a tragedy and be like a mighty oak unwavering in your support. Though we will never know the mind of a God who allows us to be penetrated by the greatest of tragedies we can have solace in knowing there is no love without sacrifice.

If our hearts are involved in the pain of the teaching, or the lesson we are surrounded in then you can guarantee God’s hand in it. There is no sacrifice without love, if it is happening to you it does prove God’s love. We, in our finite understanding of love will sacrifice for our loved ones so how much greater is the sacrifice made by the creator of the universe for us. The more you hold to the teaching that you cannot know God at all if you do not see God in all makes every experience part of the all of God. Everything comes from the all. Everything seeks to return to the all.

Some just chose to leave way to soon…

 

More tragedy, more faith


I have not written in a while because my heart is broken from events that occurred within one months time. The last time I wrote it was about the death of my father. He had struggled with some physical issues and was tired of living in a body that he couldn’t get to work with him anymore. He didn’t want a less than life, so he chose death.

It was hard when he told me he wanted to die we had just reconnected after 3 years and I had hoped he would see the worth of living to be of help to his grandchildren and great grand children. He didn’t, he didn’t want to fight for his life, he was done fighting. That was a hard moment. I walked him through death like I did my mother and certainly thought that would be enough sustaining heartbreak for a while.

and then…

My eldest son embroiled in a terrible situation was sentenced to jail over an incident with his wife and the tragedy of their story is falling out around the shoulders of my grandson who I haven’t seen in months and whose mother will make sure that I don’t, because she is mad at my son. Their tragedy bleeds into my life but my heart bleeds for my son and for the grandson who has become a victim to the selfishness of parents. That was less than a month after Dad died.

But almost to the month of Dads death was the greater tragedy and that was the sudden death of my infant grandson Oliver.

My daughter calls me distraught and I think my son has done something awful or he is dead, it was neither, it was her son, her baby, it was my grandson, my baby grandson, he had died in his sleep. Falling to your knees becomes the only response.

What is it to keep your head up when all it wants to do is fall? My heart is broken and my family nearly destroyed. And God has now got a target on his back in the eye of my daughter. Where is your God? They ask me, how can I have faith in this moments, why would God do that to us, to her? It goes beyond the pale and there is no answer at all. There is no understanding the mind of God.

As a matter of fact we don’t even get asked, we are just to deal with it. The gnashing of teeth, the screaming until your hoarse does nothing but prolong the pain. There is no rhyme nor reason,  we are not allowed to know why these things happen or we would. We are forced to stand with the weight of the tragedy on our shoulders being the strength everyone needs to see.

My daughter couldn’t lay down and die after her baby did because her daughter is still alive. I couldn’t get distraught because it was my daughters loss, she needed my strength. We can’t get lost in the darkness of despair though the door to depression and sorrow is standing opening begging us to go through it. What does not kill us actually does make us stronger.

What moves us forward is the next day, it’s not that you want to move on you have to. It’s not that faith sustains us it’s that unwavering faith in a higher power in charge is the only thought that makes sense. The order in the universe serves as a reminder that there is indeed a higher force, higher than the mind of any human, that is making the world go around.

The force is not personally trying to hurt us, things happen. Sometimes we are instigating these things to happen and sometimes people are thrusting their stuff on us and it makes things happen, (that we do not want!), it is our ego that believes we are in control, and we are not. The best we can do is to stay in the lane marked God’s will, God’s world.

I am a peon on this planet and a person who lives my spirituality in a real world way, it’s not fairy dust world, dealing with God gets ugly and my world just got ugly. But I won’t throw God out with the bath water. I will see God in every moment in every act, I will work to see the unseen, I will remind myself there is no comprehending the mind of God and we are all small peons on this planet, all at the mercy of forces beyond our control.

Best to stand under the shadow of the most powerful force there is, call it what you want, but when God starts cracking my skull open I get down on my knees and pray. If God wants to tear my life open and watch me bleed again… then bleed I will. Eventually God will release me and peace will be restored. You can count on that!