Almost done


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How do you write about those times in your life that push you so hard that you can hear your back breaking under the pressure. I for one get extremely tired of it. But it completely speaks to what this last 2 years have been for me and I am almost done. Done with the bull shit, done with falseness, done with fake spirituality, done with lies, done with manipulators, done, done and done.

What is with women who will beat an idea, hope or dream to death? “It will work, he will change, she will do what she said, they will keep their promises”, done, done and done. No they won’t, nor will he/she/they ever.

A human reveals their truth easily but often through rose colored glasses we refuse to see, or acknowledge what we instinctively know, and then we will walk right into a glass door all the while pretending this isn’t who they revealed themselves to be.

I’ve been teaching about self responsibility as long as I can remember and here I stand having denied my own truth. I gave away my power and lessons learned are having to be relearned. Thank God for our brains! Through my own volition I can make mistakes and correct them as often as I need to, that’s life. That’s why we are on a practice planet working at being human. But it doesn’t change that I am done dealing with this.

We are at a collective time of hardship on our planet, end times and all of that. We must have our eyes open and our hearts and minds engaged and their-in lies the problem. When life gets tough we close our eyes and ears singing lalalalalala I can’t hear you, so its not real. We spend time fooling ourselves until it is written on our face or reveled in our sickness and/or broken relationships.

Look up, Listen up, for the truth is there to see and is being sung for us all to hear.

This is not an easy ride; people are hurting, people are dying, hearts are being broken and lives are being changed forever. I am almost done.

After the death of my grandson my life was never going to be the same again because I would never be able to think on my pathetic weakness without remembering the horror my daughter had to endure. I allowed weakness to overtake me and hide the truth that was in front of my face. I had made a tactical error and trusted the untrustworthy. I had to face the lies I was telling myself. I leaned on myself rather than turning to God, the higher power that has always lead me.

My mistake, and I am done.

 

Whose voice is that?


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Most of us would venture to say we are in control of our lives but truth be told everyone is held hostage by the voice in their head. Unknowing to them they are lead around like a dog on a leash to feel certain things when certain things are said, to react a certain way when certain things happen. We may have a great sense of justice constantly correcting ourselves or others, but the nagging interior voice may be completely different making you feel bad about everything you do or don’t do, say or don’t say.

Even the most assured person you see is dealing with a voice that is trying to mess them up, trip them up and lead them astray. We come onto the planet innocent little children but soon we are overwhelmed with the truth of our situation, and innocence disappears as survival becomes the game. The voice in our head can be helpful giving us the support we need in a tight spot, but left to its own devices that voice would rather chase you down the road to negativity-ville.  “Shut up and keep your head down”, it says.

I started my spiritual path when my life just became to hard to handle on my own. I needed more than that voice telling me I was never going to make it, or be it, I was doomed for failure. The voice changes tone and frequency depending on how well you feel or how much you are serving your false self. You know this one, dressed for work, the voice, “you wearing that?” You work hard for a meeting or project and that voice,”this is not going to work” The voice when not in check is certainly checking us.

I have grown weary of a voice in my head that just reappeared. It’s the voice of fear, the one that comes just as you are moving in a new direction, establishing new habits or growth of any kind. It’s the voice that says, “who do you think you are?” A long time friend that bitch voice, always talking in my ear sometimes in the voice of husbands, parents, sisters, brothers, that voice can be any bodies voice but it is going after me, making me feel bad. As if my dreams aren’t good enough to follow, like I don’t have something to say, like my opinion doesn’t matter, that I am no body going no where, who do you think you are…

In spirituality you learn that to be a follower is not the answer, it’s a stepping stone to help establish new habits but you must be in control of your own life. The voice in your head was put there as a support system, “you go girl” but some where along the line that voice lost itself and began taking over and becoming a vehicle the darkness can use on every one of us, because we all have that voice, we hear that voice, we listen to that voice inside of us.

Stop doing it! Take control of it! That is what meditation is all about, learning how to quiet that voice, taking back control of the thinking mind and making it your servant rather than your master. You can use breathe work and counting, or chanting, to help control your thoughts. Just focus on your inhale and exhale until the voice quiets or come up with a short phrase and say it over and over, especially loud when the negative voice is doing its work. Over time you can learn to control it. It’s worth it, that voice is not the boss of you! You are the boss of that voice! And as you grow in spiritual strength that voice becomes the still quiet voice that has been there all along.

Life


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One of the biggest misconception in life is the idea that your life is your own and that you are actually in charge. We are very egotistical people and often can’t see what is passing before our eyes. We see what we want to see and feel how we want to feel and pretty much do what we want to do. And if things aren’t going well, we love to complain about our lives.

We will push our systems to the limit by eating a crappy diet, not drink enough water or simply not get enough rest but when we get sick or feel like crap over our broken down body we start looking for someone to blame. You pushed your body and now your body is pushing you. Off to the drug store! But they don’t sell fix my mood, or lift this depression pills over the counter, you need a doctor for those.

The same things that will make you sick physically will also make you sick mentally and while we will try to manage physical symptoms we never think about dealing with the mental mess. My Dad had chronic stomach pain, and digestive issues, nearly every year I lived with him, he also had a terrible anger management problem. He was angry all the time. He thought it was because the entire world was made up of idiots that had to be yelled at to do a good job. It never occurred to him, his mother or his wife, that his chronic stomach issues, that he constantly complained about, were related to his constant and steady anger.

Or think about the many stories there are of women caught in the madness of “the change” as it use to be called. Think of hormonal imbalances in women who have no idea what a hormonal imbalance is, most think she is crazy because one minute she is up and the next she is down. Really how many people have been heavily medicated over issues that were related to something else. Our bodies are like machines that have certain maintenance requirements for steady service. And a breakdown in one system can be related to a problem in a different system.

When we do not take car care of the car the car will break down on us, if we don’t take care of the body it will not take care of us. Right now, can you take in a deep breath without coughing? Can you bend and reach your toes? Can you stand on one foot easily? Are you in charge of your mind, or do obsessive thoughts plague you? Do you have pain? Everything that you think you are “dealing” with is something that will simply grow into a bigger problem if the underlying issue is not being tended to. The body is hardcore like that. It will give you what you ask for until the day it can’t and on that day you won’t just be changing the battery!

These bodies were given to us. You woke up one day and looked in the mirror and there you were, but you came from somewhere and when you leave you will be going somewhere, obviously something is in charge of this game called life. We are players on the planet just as the animals. We are under a constant threat of natural disasters, and radical environmental changes, just like the animals. But as humans we were given the thinking brain that was to go above and beyond the instinct brain to the active participation of life brain, rolling with the changes rather than rolled over by them. Figuring out what works and what doesn’t.

Why are we constantly recreating the wheel? Or better yet when did people start thinking they could get away with stuff?

Our body is the vessel we are playing the game of life in and we are in charge of taking care of it. As players of the game we learn the rules and try to stay alive but as in any game there is an entire underworld at play trying to throw us off our game and take over our lives. When we are not consciously in charge of ourselves there is another power(your subconscious animal self) that will take over and do your job. To win at life is to stay as conscious as you can, as much as you can, through the entire day, week, month, year, consciousness is the goal.

From a place of consciousness comes the connection to that that is more than the small nature of the minds of men.It is the creative current that sustains life. As humans it is time to redefine what it is to live a successful life.

Everyday is another change to start again.

make a decision, be a dreamweaver


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At some point we have to make the decision that defines our life. We have to chose to step over the line of complacency and accept responsibility for where we are at even if we have been stuck in a rut for years. The greatest act of freedom is in acting free. But you are not free if the voice in your head is not yours and the path you are following was dictated to you not the path of your heart.

Life is scary and none of us want to be caught with our pants down. No one likes to fail, or look stupid in anyway but it is also the reason we become stuck. You must be willing to fail in order to move towards what you truly want for yourself and your life. Do you want it written she lived but she was scared and never did realize her dreams. Its not easy to be a dreamweaver.

We are born with gifts and talents, as is everyone you see. All of us were born with potential. Those who have succeeded listened to the voice of their soul way over the voices of the naysayers of “who do you think you are?” and became their hearts desire. We as humans are willing to settle way to quick. Life is hard, get over it and pursue your dream.

The road in front of you is going to fork over and over again. It will present opportunities for growth and healing and it will be your choice to heed the call or stay wishy washy in your approach to life, boo hooing to God for leaving you behind. We are God’s children, not God’s spoiled brats, God expects us to live our life not follow someone’s life or be told by another. We were to engage our own thinking mind and as we realize our potential we will know what a gift we have been given.

Make a decision to be better. Dream of your life not of your horror. Project a future of happiness and fulfillment. Your future is coming anyway so make a decision to work with flow and the force that is God. As you move past your victim thinking you will open to the field of possibilities that you are walking through each day. That field is full of potential, creative energy looking for someone to serve, might as well be you!

Quit being thrown around by life. Quit allowing that broken person in you to have a voice, enough already. Make a decision to walk in faith believing in better days. Make a decision not to be so negative. What you change about yourself will be the change that affects the your entire family. It happened to mine.

You are a walking ball of potential. You are carrying inside of you the power that once ignited will change your life. Make a decision to walks towards it. Learn how to be silent so that the voice of soul can be heard.

Make a decision and be a dreamweaver!

Pointing the finger


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I remember hearing this for the first time and it was a profound learning on how pointless being a victim is, (pun intended). Like I was saying the entire notion changed my world view. As a women I had grown up having been taught that at some point, when I accomplished some goal, or reached some unknown point, a knight in shining armor would show up swooping in to take care of me. Frankly I had been waiting all of my life for this false notion to manifest itself until it did…in the form of this wisdom, point a finger at someone and 3 fingers are pointing back at you. I could spend the rest of my life thinking that I was owed something or I could take responsibility for myself and realize that as I worked towards releasing my own gifts I would learn to finally take of myself.

It seems self-evident to say we are walking through the present moment and it is brought to us by our past thinking actions and words. In other words if your life is a mess, shift through your memories and try to catch the originating thought, you know the one that made you the boss, the one in charge, the know it all. The one who didn’t want to take responsibility but was hiding behind antiquated beliefs. Being a victim is an outdated thought we all need to give a rest. As far as I am concerned, the only victims are children and the truly naive. Every other form of victim thinking is allowing weakness to stand in your stead and what kind of creator created a creation that would have to hang its head in an oh woe is me fashion.

Being a victim can be a hidden thought within your own self especially if you have really forceful thinking in certain areas, for example we all think we know what is right in a world where we can name right from wrong. Problem is that every one of us is living life and looking through eyes that are feeling and seeing through many veils of conditioned thinking, “Look what that person is doing, of course, I am the victim” Like my thought that someone “out there” was supposed to take care of me, it took me living in the woods without running water and indoor plumbing to get that if I could take responsibility myself my circumstances would change. And change they did and you can read about it in my book(Shameless plug, Living Words: A Wisdom Yoga Journey Towards Health will be available for purchase in January, yay!) When we take responsibility for our lives miracles can happen.

So as we walk towards the holiday season a time when many people’s less than button can be pushed, holiday party’s…, I don’t have a dress, Will what’s his name get drunk? Family…, who’s going to say the wrong thing? All of us eating too much, drinking too much, talking too much, and then blaming the holidays…or your partner, or your children, or the government, or God… Take responsibility and stop being a victim, maybe a few people around you will do the same, either way, take responsibility! The Devil did not make you do it!

Take charge of your emotional health and do whatever it takes to remain neutral and a calm presence for your friends and family. Know that as you turn your frown upside down especially, while in the company of those you would rather strangle, you are turning the vibrational tide of your life. Even when all the evidence supports your victim theory then let it be the lesson that turns everything around. Start being the person who opens their hand in help rather than the one pointing the finger of blame.

I advocate being the master of your life and domain not being a victim of circumstances. Learn to turn your attention to the laws that run our universe and move with the flow. Your victim days will be far behind you as the river of life moves you towards a more successful experience. A victim wins by becoming a victor