We are starting again

We are starting again

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There are many reasons to write a blog, one being so you can be seen and adored by fans for your wit and so-called wisdom. This is not that kind of blog, as a matter of fact, this will be the kind of blog that you will either desire to read or you will burn this connection, heretic witch…oh well I say.

This is a coming to Jesus minute.

Something I have found hard for the last 11 years of my life is the absence of wisdom, and a complete lack of desire for reality. I mean for myself. The fantasy of our world is a much easier lie to tell ourselves, helping us to sleep at night, keeping us asleep during the day. You may even think that you want change or for things to be different. You still think you have control over outcomes. You think you live in reality, the real world, where shit is real and you can be killed, eaten, taken advantage of. That you have real choice.

Oh did you think you were actually awake, and in reality. Who’s reality…

No baby this is a dream…

There is no advancement in life without this knowledge. Sorry, you who think you know truth.

You are asleep at the wheel of your life. You feel alive, I did too. It seems like we are living in a reality. I mean really don’t tell me that last 5 day migraine was a figment of my imagination, I wanted to die, slit my throat, bleed out, it was as real as the letters you are reading right now.

Are these letters real or does your mind tell you these dashes mean something? Who interprets your words for you, who or what gives them meaning? These are the big questions.

You remember the song, row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

We are living in a dream. Your mind as an advanced computer has given your eyes something to perceive and a world to find your way in and through. Apparently we have been tossed down here and now have to figure it out, in an eat or be eaten world.

Humanity will never move past the horror we are trapped in until someone, somewhere, comes out of the dream, kicking and screaming, trying to wake everyone up.

Guess what? I’ll be doing that. I have no idea of the name of the one who just through me out of my dream. The pain of that 5, 6 ,7 day headache drove me to an edge, no returning from that. Once you see differently you can never readjust your eyes to lies.

We are living in a lie, convinced of a material world that has no real backing, it’s an illusion, and believe me as I threw up my guts until my stomach threatened to follow I no more believed this is an illusion than you do right now. So convinced that your pain is real, your suffering is real, so was I.

Nope and wrong. Pain just happens to be one of the ways spirit talks to me, a human with a difficult past, seeminglyunloving uncaring parents and no real support in the real world. All of my power came from a belief that I had for myself. I had to get hard before they went at me again, I learned all tricks to side step, pain, any pain, emotional, physical, spiritual.

So when I fell in LA this last trip I already knew my head would respond. I get headaches like some people get indigestion or get pissed, a headache is always just a thought away, my head gives me buckets of pain.

Because I have believed I am the creator of myself. No one can help, no one cares frankly, and I’m living in a material world and I am a material girl. So many lies.

I am no more material than any of you are, your dream of reality is as powerful as mine was.

So I will lead a new charge. I am done swimming in a world of my own making. It sucks here. My body thinks it’s the boss of me and due to DNA weakness my body is a fu*king nightmare a lot of the time. So time to turn the channel and tune into a different version of reality.

In other words, I, during an experience of unimaginable pain, that I was not only forced to live through, but no amount of drugs would remove me from it. That suffering world be mine baby, all mine, and mine to fix, which I fu*king did, victory arms.

It is said that creator will give us know more than we can handle, or maybe its more important to say that the greater your intelligence, and willingness to change or see clearly, creator will assist in clearing the cob webs from your mind, the film in front of your eyes, and release you from the cage your heart is trapped in. Using any and all means available.

Stay with me, and I’ll explain it all, as it was and is revealed to me,

you know, heretic witch that I am.

 

 

What’s your hidden agenda?


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Can there be a hidden agenda when you find yourself; sitting, standing or ‘talking’ with a human that can barely lift their head?

Now, all eyes are down, phone in hand, zombie like gaze induced.

We know at once, what’s important to this human. Its status, its social standing, its virtual life. While eating, visiting, even working, all eyes on us…certainly not on you.

The human agenda has grown in its obviousness. Every moment can be known, be documented; fixed with photo shop, edited by spell check and instantaneously posted on Instagram. Like wearing a set of the Emperor’s new clothes we scream without sound; I am a star, I am a yogi, I am a spiritual teacher, I am a great mother/father/partner. I am beautiful, important, needed. I am lost, sad, horrified. I am the answer, I have the key, I have the map, I know the way…

Until we get that; it’s the same questions being asked, It’s the same feelings being felt, escaped and handled, we haven’t learned a thing.

The human condition has little changed; from the barbaric years of human sacrifices wait… we are still doing that…the human condition has little changed, period. You will find on the spiritual walk, path after path, all designed to do the same thing, enlighten you to this fact, nothing has ever changed. You have been chasing; money, power, fame, love, peace and you have not found it. You hide behind a hidden agenda of pretending to know what you want, or what you are looking for. Your hidden agenda drives your purpose in life and for most it’s just to keep the inner you hidden from sight. You are driven but to who knows where, to do who knows what?

And nothing will ever change.

Until you do…

So let’s get it out in the open, there is a hidden agenda within you. It’s an original operating instruction that was given to assist humans. It was, to seek the source of all, to find the maker and then merge with it. Really, underneath your desire to lose weight, get married, have a child, be the world savior, is this first operating instruction. Seek your source!

When our original instructions are obstructed in any way you become lost to your operational intent. You cannot merge with your original source because its signal bounces off of you rather than becomes a part of you. You can only merge with the signal when you open to it and it flows through you. Without merging  you are empty and this will cause you a feeling of discontentedness that you will try to fill with all manner of things.

Face it you are like a computer with bad code, you run at some capacity but not at full power.

But key in the proper code, boom. Keep your hidden agenda out in the open, search for the key that unlocks your secret heart and never give that password to anyone.

Which car is you on the Ferris wheel?


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This picture represents one of the best ways I find in explaining the human experience. I find most people think of life in linear terms, born on this day, die on that day and every day in between just another day down the road. But in my experience life moves more in circles, spirals if you’re lucky. The way I look at it, we are on a Ferris Wheel.

I see us spinning on a wheel with designated start and stop points. For the linear thinker those would be the days of your birth and death. For those of us on the wheel the days of starting and stopping would also include days of redemption and atonement, resurrection and rebirth and other opportunities to start again, start over, move ahead or move along. Each point where the Ferris wheel pauses to let other beings on and off the wheel of life can be seen as way stations, where you receive advance training for the next station on your journey.

To be clear, on this symbolic Ferris Wheel the developmental stage of where you are at is represented by the location of your car on the Ferris wheel. See the wheel like the face of a clock. We enter each new stage of our lives at the car positioned at 6:00. It is the same position of the car where we get off, after having finished that cycle of experience. You are ready for a more advanced go around on the Ferris Wheel.

The one in this picture is the simplistic wheel of a beginner. All the basic stops line up with the hour hand of a clock. It takes one full turn to load each car on the Ferris Wheel and one full turn to empty it, adding new passengers.  Here’s a list of short one word definitions of each Ferris Wheel car.

6:00 Car- Car of Entrance or Car of Exit

7:00 Car-Car of Anticipation- the journey begins

8:00 Car-Car of caring-learning to love the situation you are in

9:00 Car- Car of blame-finding someone or something that is the reason the things are going like planned

10:00 Car- Car of rescue-thoughts of someone bailing you out, or now filled with righteous indignation you know how to save the world.

11:00 Car- Car of Ego-you develop your plan to save the world, your family, your lover

1200 Car- Car of Highest Hope – Car of Greatest Dread-the spark of renewed energy fans your inner fire, you are doing it! Or the plan is to big I can’t do it, this could crash and burn

1:00 Car-Car of Perspective-after the fall the air is the clearest

2:00 Car- Car of Waning Hope-the inevitable awareness that we cannot save anyone, we can only show them a door

3:00 Car- Car of Compromise- build a plan with many doors and some where you don’t want them. Eyes become opened to other realities

4:00 Car-Car of Inevitability- Realization that some things are just not going to work, passangers of the wheel will want to pick and choose the car they ride and avoid the cars they don’t want to ride

5:00 Car-Car of Relief-realization the someone other than us is in charge of the running of the Ferris Wheel. It is our job to become conscious of the ride.

6:00 Car-Car of Exit or Car of Entrance- with self acceptance new cars will show up carrying you towards the next Ferris Wheel designed with your lessons in mind.

Just a thought.

To think of life in this way gives me hope for all of humanity. I think of the energy that runs the Ferris Wheel as the highest energy of all. It gives me hope to think that humanity still has endless opportunities to start and stop on this ever forgiving Ferris Wheel of life. For our good it just keeps turning and turning continually offering its steadfast rhythm for our growth.

 

 

 

 

What’s the reason for the season


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For me Christmas is for children to keep some semblance of hope in their hearts. A jolly Santa tends to their wishes. But the real reason for the season is the celebration of the return of light.

For the many Christians it is to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the way shower to the oncoming tide of love the teaching were meant to bring. They saw and celebrate a heavenly child but often forget the vast importance of his role. This great teacher changed the course of our understanding of the force of God. God was no longer a punishing God but a force of love offering relief to those bogged down in laws they would never find relief from.

Jesus was the physical holder of the great light emerging as the fulfillment of the law releasing us from this life of sin, claiming a life of light and love. This fulfillment changed his name from the human form of Jesus to the being of light or the Christ. The Christ like God is a force of light available to everyone, let me repeat that, EVERYONE. It is as the Christ taught within each of us waiting for our acknowledgment. Accepted, we too can be filled with this light that surpasses understanding. That means it comes to me, it comes to you, and is beyond our small minds just how encompassing it is.

Everyone will have access to this light, no one owns it or controls it or can name it. Beyond the name of Jesus the light endures because if humans can touch it, it will be put out.This light cannot be put out as the Christ taught us and physical death will show us.

The light is eternal.

Beyond the little minds of humans the great stories continue to do their work. The seasons are marked as story holders to jog our memories to the truth innate within us. Deep down we know, deeper still lies the truth that through the time of winter season and the darkness, we feel this light our eternal hope for a better world.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

My hope for the return of light is for the children. May we all be as children before this light, innocent, heart open, and filled with love.

May your holiday be blessed!

 

Whose voice is that?


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Most of us would venture to say we are in control of our lives but truth be told everyone is held hostage by the voice in their head. Unknowing to them they are lead around like a dog on a leash to feel certain things when certain things are said, to react a certain way when certain things happen. We may have a great sense of justice constantly correcting ourselves or others, but the nagging interior voice may be completely different making you feel bad about everything you do or don’t do, say or don’t say.

Even the most assured person you see is dealing with a voice that is trying to mess them up, trip them up and lead them astray. We come onto the planet innocent little children but soon we are overwhelmed with the truth of our situation, and innocence disappears as survival becomes the game. The voice in our head can be helpful giving us the support we need in a tight spot, but left to its own devices that voice would rather chase you down the road to negativity-ville.  “Shut up and keep your head down”, it says.

I started my spiritual path when my life just became to hard to handle on my own. I needed more than that voice telling me I was never going to make it, or be it, I was doomed for failure. The voice changes tone and frequency depending on how well you feel or how much you are serving your false self. You know this one, dressed for work, the voice, “you wearing that?” You work hard for a meeting or project and that voice,”this is not going to work” The voice when not in check is certainly checking us.

I have grown weary of a voice in my head that just reappeared. It’s the voice of fear, the one that comes just as you are moving in a new direction, establishing new habits or growth of any kind. It’s the voice that says, “who do you think you are?” A long time friend that bitch voice, always talking in my ear sometimes in the voice of husbands, parents, sisters, brothers, that voice can be any bodies voice but it is going after me, making me feel bad. As if my dreams aren’t good enough to follow, like I don’t have something to say, like my opinion doesn’t matter, that I am no body going no where, who do you think you are…

In spirituality you learn that to be a follower is not the answer, it’s a stepping stone to help establish new habits but you must be in control of your own life. The voice in your head was put there as a support system, “you go girl” but some where along the line that voice lost itself and began taking over and becoming a vehicle the darkness can use on every one of us, because we all have that voice, we hear that voice, we listen to that voice inside of us.

Stop doing it! Take control of it! That is what meditation is all about, learning how to quiet that voice, taking back control of the thinking mind and making it your servant rather than your master. You can use breathe work and counting, or chanting, to help control your thoughts. Just focus on your inhale and exhale until the voice quiets or come up with a short phrase and say it over and over, especially loud when the negative voice is doing its work. Over time you can learn to control it. It’s worth it, that voice is not the boss of you! You are the boss of that voice! And as you grow in spiritual strength that voice becomes the still quiet voice that has been there all along.

comfort zone


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We hear talk about our comfort zone all the time now.

Look at the definition

comfort zone
noun
  1. a situation where one feels safe or at ease.
    “the trip is an attempt to take the students out of their comfort zone”
    • a settled method of working that requires little effort and yields only barely acceptable results.
      “if you stay within your comfort zone you will never improve”

Funny to me are all the years I desperately wanted to find my comfort zone. I wanted to be comfortable, for once. Even now living alone and being alone so much I still hope to find a situation where I may feel comfortable. For years it was a similar feeling to never feeling safe. Now being alone all of the time just doesn’t feel right. It’s not my comfort zone, where is all of the noise, where are my children?

After all of those years raising a family and tending to the needs of children and teaching students, all of it was a comfort zone of sorts. I knew what needed to do and when I needed to do it. Now not so much! I have to decide what to do and when and what for…

Most of life was the search for comfort zone definition number one, “a situation where one feels safe or at ease” Knowing what you are to do and when to do it, are comfort zones. Knowing where you are supposed to be and maybe even who you are supposed to be would also be comfort zones.

But nothing lasts forever and life is about growth, boom comfort zone blows up and the next life stage begins to construct itself.

Fear strangles people and locks them in comfort zones they really don’t want to be in. Watch a drug intervention show and you will know what I mean. An addict will do anything to stay an addict because there is a comfort zone in addiction and its hell to get out. But after becoming clean the person can’t believe how long they were a prisoner to this self-proclaimed comfort zone of drug addiction.

Comfort zones become dangerous because they set us up for false safety. In life one must keep focus, like the lion searching for food, and the antelope hoping not to become food. They have to keep on their toes and in the animal world they stay on their toes because every one of the animals know they are food for something or someone else. Very little comfort zone in the animal kingdom.

So watch for your comfort zone traps. Habits are a comfort zone trap. We think habits are good but habits are just something you do all of the time, doesn’t make it good. Really, the only good habit is breathing, and as deeply as possible all of the time in order to stay in your head where you need to be, not in your fear driven comfort zone. These are the people with their head in the sand.

Comfort zones are religious views, bigoted behavior, crappy diet, stress junkie, drug addict(food, sex, drugs, rock and roll), it doesn’t matter. When you do anything to distract your self from life or put yourself in a prison of false comfort, it is a rejection of the power of life. It was never meant to be a game of ease, life is a journey and a journey goes up and down and all around and since we don’t know what’s going to happen, we call it a journey. We are on our way somewhere, yay.

So understand that a comfort zone is a state of mind at is best, you are ok just the way you are, be comfortable with that. You are moving forward in better ways, be comfortable with that. You are working hard to make a better life for your family and self, be comfortable with that.

Do not expect life to allow you to stay in your comfort zone. That’s not the job of life!

Leaving your comfort zone is the exercise of living life. Try new things, expose yourself to new thoughts and ides, awaken your creative self, get off your high horse, open your mind, shut your mouth, eat new foods, watch a different show, listen to a different station, try new music , read a different kind of book, go to a different church, spiritual system, climb a hill, move a mountain, sing loud, write often, dance every where all the time.

Shake your self loose from the confines of your rigid fear based living structure, break it wide open and let life in. You will be surprised at what you will find.

This is why I travel, it forces me out of my comfort zone and forces me into life, then I can sit and write and tell you all about it.

Let’s all get out there and live!

resetting the clock


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We humans are experiencing burn-out. Its hot, the world is on fire and it’s making everything difficult. Tempers are flaring with the temperature and without tending to ourselves we will get hot under the collar spewing the excess heat accumulated in our souls on everyone we meet. Like the trash can, we too need to be emptied and frankly it needs to be done everyday. It stinks when we don’t empty the kitchen trash it’s no different in the human vessel. Leave the trash of negativity inside the body and boy, the smell.

If we haven’t yet discovered the true reason to meditate, then we ourselves are not emptying the trash and are accumulating ideas and experiences that are sitting on top of each other. Sometimes this mishmash of thoughts and ideas just don’t gel and you have a stinky mess inside of you holding you down or back. We need to reset our clocks, clean out the trash, start with a fresh view of our life and what’s happening. Some many of us are stuck.

Stuck is not realistic, nor a place to stay. But we see it all of the time. I can’t leave my husband, my job needs me, my mom, my dad, my kids my dog, you name it and it’s the reason we must stay stuck, you know, for them. Being stuck is a famous trick of that being who hopes you will sit down in your misery and pick up your pointer finger looking for someone to blame.

So easy to blame someone, anyone, the times, the sky, my lunch, sorry baby its all designed as the lesson that will push you over the edge of blaming everything and back towards reason. We get stuck in old stuff and we fall as we refuse to get what we are here to learn. The rejection of our life lessons leads to the fall, off our rocker, out of reason, towards being a victim.

With a firm meditation practice and true spiritual belief, when you are falling, the hope is that you will reach for your tools, remember what you know, and at the very least, scream out for God. We must reset our own clock, fix our own issues, deal with ourselves, it is after all our life. In that moment of realizing just how much work it is to be you that needing to control everything and everyone around you will stop and you will get down to work.

The sunrise for me is the sign of see, its brand new day. It resets my clock. How do I hold on to my crap when the sun comes to burn the remnants of yesterday away, sweeping my mind of clutter making room for the potential of this new day. How does the sun get to work for us if we keep dragging yesterday into today?

Take responsibility for accepting the fact that yesterday is gone, this new sunrise is this fresh new day. Use the sunrise and turn your face towards it, let it pour its light into you. It’s no joke just how powerful keeping the image and feeling of the sun inside of you is. Its mighty that sun, and over time you will feel its mightiness. Remember, that which you constantly have on your mind will filter through your thoughts and move down into your reality. My life sucks, and so it does. Keep saying the sun shines in me and on me and it will.

The sun shines on us everyday, cloudy or not. Spend a few minutes with the early sun and use it to help let go of yesterday. Then be the presence of the sun for those around you, shine so great that they will not want to rehash their past with you. You will be the presence that makes them want to shine, telling good stories, uplifting stories.

Daily mediation will take whininess out of your life. The sun is not into whininess it shines to bright for that. If you want a life that is uplifting for yourself and others then pull that sun right down into your chest and imagine it sitting inside you shining on everyone. The moon comes and goes, it helps us maintain balance but to much and you can’t get yourself up and you may finds yourself down. The sun is uplifting all the way through the day. It’s setting energy  is also a powerful thing, think on it. It takes a long time for the sun light to be extinguished and the sky to get completely dark, it stays with us just being the boss of the dark.

Because truthfully the sun doesn’t set, we the Earth turn away from it. That sun is shining every minute of everyday for more years than any of us can imagine. The sun doesn’t darken or leave, we turn away from it. So reset your clock by facing the sunrise in the morning giving thanks for the life giving sun. Clean out your trash by meditating. Let the hot rays of the sun burn yesterday right out of you so today can be a new day, a great day, or at the very least a day you have your eyes wide open through it.

God bless the sun, and God bless you!