We are starting again

We are starting again

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There are many reasons to write a blog, one being so you can be seen and adored by fans for your wit and so-called wisdom. This is not that kind of blog, as a matter of fact, this will be the kind of blog that you will either desire to read or you will burn this connection, heretic witch…oh well I say.

This is a coming to Jesus minute.

Something I have found hard for the last 11 years of my life is the absence of wisdom, and a complete lack of desire for reality. I mean for myself. The fantasy of our world is a much easier lie to tell ourselves, helping us to sleep at night, keeping us asleep during the day. You may even think that you want change or for things to be different. You still think you have control over outcomes. You think you live in reality, the real world, where shit is real and you can be killed, eaten, taken advantage of. That you have real choice.

Oh did you think you were actually awake, and in reality. Who’s reality…

No baby this is a dream…

There is no advancement in life without this knowledge. Sorry, you who think you know truth.

You are asleep at the wheel of your life. You feel alive, I did too. It seems like we are living in a reality. I mean really don’t tell me that last 5 day migraine was a figment of my imagination, I wanted to die, slit my throat, bleed out, it was as real as the letters you are reading right now.

Are these letters real or does your mind tell you these dashes mean something? Who interprets your words for you, who or what gives them meaning? These are the big questions.

You remember the song, row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

We are living in a dream. Your mind as an advanced computer has given your eyes something to perceive and a world to find your way in and through. Apparently we have been tossed down here and now have to figure it out, in an eat or be eaten world.

Humanity will never move past the horror we are trapped in until someone, somewhere, comes out of the dream, kicking and screaming, trying to wake everyone up.

Guess what? I’ll be doing that. I have no idea of the name of the one who just through me out of my dream. The pain of that 5, 6 ,7 day headache drove me to an edge, no returning from that. Once you see differently you can never readjust your eyes to lies.

We are living in a lie, convinced of a material world that has no real backing, it’s an illusion, and believe me as I threw up my guts until my stomach threatened to follow I no more believed this is an illusion than you do right now. So convinced that your pain is real, your suffering is real, so was I.

Nope and wrong. Pain just happens to be one of the ways spirit talks to me, a human with a difficult past, seeminglyunloving uncaring parents and no real support in the real world. All of my power came from a belief that I had for myself. I had to get hard before they went at me again, I learned all tricks to side step, pain, any pain, emotional, physical, spiritual.

So when I fell in LA this last trip I already knew my head would respond. I get headaches like some people get indigestion or get pissed, a headache is always just a thought away, my head gives me buckets of pain.

Because I have believed I am the creator of myself. No one can help, no one cares frankly, and I’m living in a material world and I am a material girl. So many lies.

I am no more material than any of you are, your dream of reality is as powerful as mine was.

So I will lead a new charge. I am done swimming in a world of my own making. It sucks here. My body thinks it’s the boss of me and due to DNA weakness my body is a fu*king nightmare a lot of the time. So time to turn the channel and tune into a different version of reality.

In other words, I, during an experience of unimaginable pain, that I was not only forced to live through, but no amount of drugs would remove me from it. That suffering world be mine baby, all mine, and mine to fix, which I fu*king did, victory arms.

It is said that creator will give us know more than we can handle, or maybe its more important to say that the greater your intelligence, and willingness to change or see clearly, creator will assist in clearing the cob webs from your mind, the film in front of your eyes, and release you from the cage your heart is trapped in. Using any and all means available.

Stay with me, and I’ll explain it all, as it was and is revealed to me,

you know, heretic witch that I am.

 

 

testing mother’s love


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Just to be a part of the world right now is a mighty test to my mothering self.

I am a mother and grandmother, it is a job I stumbled into, many many moons ago. It is one I hold with pride, dignity, and it is and will be, hands down, the hardest job of my life. In every minute there is something happening to the kids or the grandkids, they are constantly testing my love. Asking for this, needing that, they are constantly testing my love.

Am I ok, not ok, Are you proud of me, Am I doing alright? We ask and ask because we want to know, Are we ok, Are we doing alright? They want to know. They are constantly testing my love.

Even in the dark days of horror and drugs and screaming and fighting I stood there, never moved, I am the mama, they were constantly testing my love.

In the sad days of loss and divorce and life will never be the same, I stood there never wavered, We are ok, we are doing alright! They were constantly testing my love.

When they were seperated from me by meanspirited behavior that sought to take me from my children, it was worse, they asked and asked, are we ok, are we doing alright? They were testing my love after I had been removed from them. I never wavered. I never moved. I was always right there. They needed to test my love.

So many years later and testing goes on, Are we ok, Are we doing alright? A mother’s job is never done and the testing of a mamas love unending, because I am an ocean. You can test me and push me, I am a force that can’t be moved easily, but I can easily move over you.

By pain or might I am a force that can’t be moved. I stand in the stead of the father who resides in the useen world, I see what they cannot. They are constantly testing my love because my love overflows for them and they can. They can test me and test me because…

It’s what I do to God, Are you there, am I ok, Am I doing alright?  I am constantly testing God’s love. As I am a mama containing infinite love I stand beside the one who has that same love for me, for as I am tested, I am testing and together we learn that we are protected, guided, and lead right where we need to be.

test my mothers love and I will wrap my big arms you and love you up, test me all you want, my love for you cannot be moved,

because the one I test has never let me down. I am held so I can hold you!

 

 

the spirituality of life


It has been a difficult start for 2016 that I have spent most of it in bed. I even went to Minnesota to visit my daughter after I thought I felt stronger and ended up with the flu. My granddaughter and I were getting re-acquainted as we both struggled with pain, what a bonding experience that was.  I was dealing with my body pain, and a baby upset and in pain and a daughter pregnant and in pain. It was not a nice time of family it was a horror of how can we make each other comfortable in this minute, now this one…

During the 3 weeks I would peruse Facebook for what was going on in the world but in a pain fog I saw only negativity. As I came out of the fog of illness and looked closer at our world broadcast through social media I realized how fast you can step out of the life stream. All I can say is that these are troubling times. Everything looks negative!

I think the amount of physical pain running across the planet is indicative of the mental pain that it is chasing. The amount of mental fog plaguing the ignorant is indicative of a surge of crowd mentality not realizing its following the tail of an ignorant beast. If we are not leading our lives then the media or who ever has the loudest voice is leading us. I do not need a blow hard voicing my views, thanks I’ll do it myself by voting people, voting!

It is a great horror how much ignorance there is swirling around and how willing people are to broadcast their ignorance. I really see very little value in ignorance when we have so many different ways to gain intelligence. Make sure if you are one of the ones broadcasting your views that you stay informed and work to make the light of truth your guide. Not your brand of truth but the honest to God truth. It may take a while to get people to stop yelling and see passed their flag of prejudice but if you wave a flag of clarity long enough I have to believe eventually people will see.

Be the change we need in our world by staying as close to the truth in all matters as you can because all lives matter! And when it comes time for you to truly voice your opinion get out there and vote.

 

 

Life


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One of the biggest misconception in life is the idea that your life is your own and that you are actually in charge. We are very egotistical people and often can’t see what is passing before our eyes. We see what we want to see and feel how we want to feel and pretty much do what we want to do. And if things aren’t going well, we love to complain about our lives.

We will push our systems to the limit by eating a crappy diet, not drink enough water or simply not get enough rest but when we get sick or feel like crap over our broken down body we start looking for someone to blame. You pushed your body and now your body is pushing you. Off to the drug store! But they don’t sell fix my mood, or lift this depression pills over the counter, you need a doctor for those.

The same things that will make you sick physically will also make you sick mentally and while we will try to manage physical symptoms we never think about dealing with the mental mess. My Dad had chronic stomach pain, and digestive issues, nearly every year I lived with him, he also had a terrible anger management problem. He was angry all the time. He thought it was because the entire world was made up of idiots that had to be yelled at to do a good job. It never occurred to him, his mother or his wife, that his chronic stomach issues, that he constantly complained about, were related to his constant and steady anger.

Or think about the many stories there are of women caught in the madness of “the change” as it use to be called. Think of hormonal imbalances in women who have no idea what a hormonal imbalance is, most think she is crazy because one minute she is up and the next she is down. Really how many people have been heavily medicated over issues that were related to something else. Our bodies are like machines that have certain maintenance requirements for steady service. And a breakdown in one system can be related to a problem in a different system.

When we do not take car care of the car the car will break down on us, if we don’t take care of the body it will not take care of us. Right now, can you take in a deep breath without coughing? Can you bend and reach your toes? Can you stand on one foot easily? Are you in charge of your mind, or do obsessive thoughts plague you? Do you have pain? Everything that you think you are “dealing” with is something that will simply grow into a bigger problem if the underlying issue is not being tended to. The body is hardcore like that. It will give you what you ask for until the day it can’t and on that day you won’t just be changing the battery!

These bodies were given to us. You woke up one day and looked in the mirror and there you were, but you came from somewhere and when you leave you will be going somewhere, obviously something is in charge of this game called life. We are players on the planet just as the animals. We are under a constant threat of natural disasters, and radical environmental changes, just like the animals. But as humans we were given the thinking brain that was to go above and beyond the instinct brain to the active participation of life brain, rolling with the changes rather than rolled over by them. Figuring out what works and what doesn’t.

Why are we constantly recreating the wheel? Or better yet when did people start thinking they could get away with stuff?

Our body is the vessel we are playing the game of life in and we are in charge of taking care of it. As players of the game we learn the rules and try to stay alive but as in any game there is an entire underworld at play trying to throw us off our game and take over our lives. When we are not consciously in charge of ourselves there is another power(your subconscious animal self) that will take over and do your job. To win at life is to stay as conscious as you can, as much as you can, through the entire day, week, month, year, consciousness is the goal.

From a place of consciousness comes the connection to that that is more than the small nature of the minds of men.It is the creative current that sustains life. As humans it is time to redefine what it is to live a successful life.

Everyday is another change to start again.