Waiting


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I have been waiting most all of my life

for something promised held just out of sight

I have been waiting most all of my life

for partnerships held dear between siblings of light

I have been waiting most of my life

for wisdom to lead me through this dark night

I have been waiting most all of my life

for the sensation of deeds finally done right

I have been waiting most all of my life

to be reminded, that I am a being of light

I am fed by my knowing and the sunlight

I have been waiting for this, all of my life

Forgiveness


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I’ve always had a hard time with forgiveness not that forgiveness is hard it just seemed like a get out of jail card. “That’s ok I forgive you”, over and over and nobody learns and you become a doormat of “that’s ok I forgive you”.

The course of miracles assigns forgiveness as the only act we need perform. That not being forgiving is what is causing the breakdown of our lives. This action takes us back to what they consider the original sin, the guilt that plagues us because we turned away from God and are ultimately responsible for the need of a savior that had to die for us.

Our unwillingness to forgive ourselves holds us away from the love of God that is ever-present though unrecognizable. Most everyone who has suffered abuse by family members find forgiveness difficult and it becomes a hallmark of their lives. Oh woe is me and all that has happened. It takes a long time to realize the pettiness of our lives is surrounded by our small-minded thinking that we came to this world to be victims of it.

Forgiveness is the key to power. When a person moves away from childish thoughts and immature beliefs, we can begin to open our eyes to a greater belief in what life is about. It is but growth, and the hardest form of growth because it is seemingly hard forgiving someone who would rather you see you in pain and/or dead. As children we do not see our parents or any abuse as a fault of the perpetrator but only in a guilt ridden state of ‘what did I do to deserve this’, which becomes a mantle life rests on.

If we can make that bend in the road towards maturity and spiritual maturity at that, we can see the pain of our others that has only been seen as “what a bitch you are”, “how could you treat me so badly?” to what motivates their need to perpetrate pain on others to begin with. Like the Christ said, “Father, forgive them they know not what they do.” is that awareness. Those who are motivated by fear lead fearful lives. What’s hard to see is that those perpetrating pain are the most fearful.

In a world of eat or be eaten, you can see how this theory plays out. Who ever has the loudest voice, most powerful fist, gun or bomb, becomes the winner. But it is their fear that makes them want to shoot first ask questions later. That’s still a child’s game.

Forgiveness is what most women will carry for their children as an act of unconditional love. The wise woman who understands her man. But do not think forgivenss as act of weakness because it is only the strong who recognize truth, beyond what it is wrapped in. If my child is lying then it is because they fear being found out.

So I guess they are right, forgiveness is an act of love and the greatest of all actions. It does not produce doormats, or weak women who can’t or won’t get away from an abuser. Forgiveness is an act of strength and is an active word. We can forgive as we move on, we can forgive as we try to forget, we can forgive because love is a force whose true strength really is not recognized in our world of pop culture, and popularity contests.

For the new year, choose someone or some act perpratrated against you to forgive. From your mother, father, brother, sister, child, priest, teacher, lover, husband, wife, any group of people or organizations. Because in the end forgiveness will release you. The energy it takes to stay in anger, fear or loathing is great, and unnecessary. Open your eyes and your mind to what growth would be yours if forgiveness was your next move.

Let’s make 2018 great, let’s do it for ourselves and watch how it releases everyone.

 

Baby it’s dark outside


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Here in the Northland, daytime is but a memory as clouds, snow and 3:30 sunsets become the norm. In this part of the world the idea of the Winter Solstice and the return of light, is the light at the end of the tunnel reminding us that the universe does a lot of work under the cover darkness but the promise of the return is inevitable, and undeniable.

I have holiday lights ever twinkling, candles always burning and have created a beautiful cave for this season of interior work. While it is often hard to deal with so much dark there is an innate intimacy that is created between myself and the would be spirits that hang around. I feel the spirit of my grandma when I think on my loneliness and feel her assure me I am not alone.

When the sun does come out for just a brief time I stand in my window and let its rays wash over me so I can remember and stay hopeful for its return. I love the sun and sitting outside, less lonely out there. But now I sit inside looking out, it can be lonely in here. So as soon as I wake and after the so-called sunshine goes down, I turn on my twinkling lights and burn my candles and sit in this wonderland that I have created.

Only in the quiet do we hear the sound of our soul’s yearning and learn to discern the voice that may be God’s. Only in the dark without witness can I let myself be free to be me. In the dark where I am not afraid but released from eyes that hold judgement and I can sing and dance, and cry and scream, until all of me is free. My spirit soars into the sky, my dreams become bigger and the dragon I ride moves darkness away. The darkness is a presence that seeks to keep me down, but that’s not what the dark is outside this time of year.

This darkness is a blanket, it is a freedom of sort, a blank slate for recreating. This time of year reminds us of the impermanence of all things. Just like the dark to the day. The seasons call on us to change, be more, be different, be the same, just be, because the greatest gift to humans is our ability and freedom to be-come.

You may become whatever you wish. So baby it maybe dark outside but inside of the soul is a light that can’t be put out, unless you put it out. Use the dark to find your true self. Use the dark and be silent and listen to your hearts desire. Sing your song, write your story, be your dream.

The dark is only scary if you have no awareness of your light. Shine on baby, shine on!

 

Awareness in Relationship


images-2.jpgI am having many ah moments reading Paul Selig’s books. It has reignited in me what my last disappointment I thought put out. Part of my search lately is trying to rise above the ceiling I kept running into while looking for truth in the many spiritual systems I have studied. In Churches, yoga studios, meditation centers and all manner of self-help gurus the same ideas of a rise was in place but they were held back by a wall or door that only the special could pass.
But within every organization I saw very few who had actually walked through the door and down the path to enlightenment but rather many that were teachings the steps while holding collection plates. And this group was usually the elite, the VIPs, the ones holding the knowledge that if you got close enough you could get too. Or so you thought.
Until we do the work of monitoring our influences, the false teachings will surround us and the truth will elude us, and all for thinking someone more powerful or with greater wisdom needs to lead. Every teaching you stumble upon is designed to awaken you to yourself. But our matrix is well designed and all you see, is whatever wrong you thought was done to you, whatever unfair thing happened to you, or an all around what the hell is going on you’re just a victim here…, it doesn’t make any of your projections real.
The true teachers teach love. Love as a vibration, a frequency not a sugary feel good orgasmic experience. It is a living frequency, the all-encompassing creative thread holding everything together.
Redefine true love for yourself and you will find that it has been there the entire time. In the beauty of a sunrise, the smile of a baby, the laughter of children, the purr of your cat, the wag of your dog’s tail, the snow flake falling on your hand, the last-minute nudge to turn right rather than left, the frequency of love is everywhere. You exist in the frequency of love and it is always in communication with you.
When you are in a love relationship with someone and they need you to change in some specific way in order to continue the relationship, think hard on this moment. Love in it’s truest form is freedom. In love we are free to be who we are with the choice to change that at any given time based on new information, free will baby. Love in the form of control, (you must do this for me), makes sacrifice a requirement of love. In love there will be sacrifice but to force a sacrifice of character is to kill off self-identity. That is not love but control.
From Paul’s work, “But when someone else sacrifices their own identity or those things they require to make them feel true to themselves for the benefit of another, you are not supporting integrity in your relationship. Period.”
We are free! Be free. Word I am word.
I’m reading “The Book of Love and Creation”, start with “I am the Word” if you are not familiar with Paul Selig’s writings.

What expectations

What expectations

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One of the hardest things to admit is the gigantic amount of energy that is expended holding onto expectations. It’s a difficult day of adulting when you learn that your expectations for life may have been a dream and one found only in your head. Similar to the scene in “Little Miss Sunshine” when big brother in the throes of puberty, sees his dream of being a pilot vanish as he discovers he’s color blind.

Oh what mighty expectations do you hold.

    • ex·pec·ta·tion
      a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
      a belief that someone will or should achieve something.
      one’s prospects of inheritance.

     

And expectations have to do with belief, we believe something is going to happen or we will be saved or rescued, we have a ton of expectations. The worse kind are the expectations we carry in our heart about those we love and care about. We expect certain behavior. We expect that we can trust that person, or what this person is saying. Again expectation is a belief, but it doesn’t make it real, it just shows all of us that you hope it does.

Expectations have become an afterthought of “the secret movement”, or the law of positivity. Stay positive! See it happening!

What happens when it doesn’t? Is it now your fault for not reaching high enough? Is it your inability to expect correctly? Are you not doing it right? Do you need a refresher course in manifesting your destiny? Now for a limited time….$99.99 a refresher course on manifesting your destiny, hit the buy button…

The expectation on the planet is that there is answer to your specific issue. That there is a special staircase for your special rise to the top. There is a special person/teacher/pastor/partner waiting for your specialness and they will tell you what you need to do. You are most special , please continue to give, hit the button, and buy some good feelings, for a limited time only $19.95.

Our expectations are a problem. It is time to put responsibility back in our lap. We need to quit expecting anything. I know expecting seems correct, yet in the end expecting is you letting go of responsibility of whatever it is you are expecting. The highest spiritual teaching is the constant and consistent awareness of oneness with creator. There is no need to expect, constant oneness produces knowing, wisdom, and truth.

No one can make you happy or make you a success. No person on this planet has the permission to do for you what you must do for yourself. But, believe me, there is a gigantic population of would be helpers brimming with the promise to fulfill all of your expectations. And they take credit cards, cash, bitcoin and ultimately your blood.

Hand over your power to any human or group to fulfill your responsibilities and you can expect to be fulfilling someone else’s dream. You were created and placed here to figure out why. And please, quit expecting someone to tell you what your why is. No teacher or spiritual leader walking in truth will tell you because you have to know, you must have a knowing of yourself.

Dig deep, look within yourself, seek guidance but do it with open eyes or expect that guidance to lead you falsely.  Seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will be opened, ask and ye shall receive, all actions statements.

Stop expecting anything and begin knowing everything.

 

 

 

Anchor of Hope

Anchor of Hope

I stopped writing some time ago, why bother? What difference does it make?

My life was derailed years ago and I have been swimming like hell to get back to some kind of shore. And I see a lot of people out here swimming the waters of “OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME” with me. It seems we have become fish in a barrel to what ever feels the need to point a gun in our general direction, are we safe? What is life about now when we have stopped feeling safe in our surroundings? Safe in any sense of the word.

As a spiritual teacher I have looked around and watched the teachings fail us. Why are we in such a mess? So, I put myself and my work on hold. I needed a different teaching than everything is going to be ok, please! those people and their platitudes make me want to hit something. Have you seen the level of suffering that is going on? What can be done? What can we as a single person do to help? Is it all lost until this apparent fall is finished and the old guard dead?

Hopeless is how it feels!

But maybe that’s ok, maybe the old guard needs to die. Maybe what we are feeling is the death of the old world and its greedy humanity hating ways. Maybe it has to be a painful death so that light can begin to enter into the minds of men again. To bring humanity to the brink of extension, giving us all a near death experience especially to awaken the walking dead.

What we have to be careful of is the hopelessness of watching the worst of humanity struggle to keep in control dowsing us with a daily dose of negativity and back bending fear. Tragedy after tragedy can make a person turn their head away from the suffering of their brother or sister. “I’m only one person what can I do”, said way to often…

In the words of Jack Nicolson as the Joker in the first batman, this world needs an enema…

because as a humanity we are full of shit…

First rule of change, be the change you are looking for

Want to be peaceful in a non peaceful world, be peaceful at all costs.

Want to be loving in a non loving world, be loving at all costs.

Want to have hope in a hopeless world, be hopeful at all costs.

Last night, another sleepless night of never ending oh my God, What now? What next? the endless supplications to what feels like a unhearing God… I decided to listen to a podcast of Joel Osteen, I know so many people hate on this man, but I’ll tell you he loves God more than most do, anyway… he was talking about anchoring in hope,

here comes the God talk but listen to it this way… faith is the hope of things to come, faith needs hope, do you get that? If you claim you have faith, then you best be anchored in hope. In this easiest terms it means if you are steeping in fear like a used tea bag, you have lifted your anchor from hope, its trailing behind you like a tail not an anchor…

When life bogs you down with any kind of weighted personal issue and you have begun lamenting it, you have let your anchor go and you will find your self drifting back to hopeless ocean,

Open your eyes, see where you are and put your anchor back down.

Keep your anchor in check. Keep your anchor moored to hope. If you believe in a higher power then leave your anchor next to your God and quit flailing around like you don’t know, because you do know…

God is always there! Its you that moves around and forgets.

Anchor in Hope!

 

We are starting again

We are starting again

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There are many reasons to write a blog, one being so you can be seen and adored by fans for your wit and so-called wisdom. This is not that kind of blog, as a matter of fact, this will be the kind of blog that you will either desire to read or you will burn this connection, heretic witch…oh well I say.

This is a coming to Jesus minute.

Something I have found hard for the last 11 years of my life is the absence of wisdom, and a complete lack of desire for reality. I mean for myself. The fantasy of our world is a much easier lie to tell ourselves, helping us to sleep at night, keeping us asleep during the day. You may even think that you want change or for things to be different. You still think you have control over outcomes. You think you live in reality, the real world, where shit is real and you can be killed, eaten, taken advantage of. That you have real choice.

Oh did you think you were actually awake, and in reality. Who’s reality…

No baby this is a dream…

There is no advancement in life without this knowledge. Sorry, you who think you know truth.

You are asleep at the wheel of your life. You feel alive, I did too. It seems like we are living in a reality. I mean really don’t tell me that last 5 day migraine was a figment of my imagination, I wanted to die, slit my throat, bleed out, it was as real as the letters you are reading right now.

Are these letters real or does your mind tell you these dashes mean something? Who interprets your words for you, who or what gives them meaning? These are the big questions.

You remember the song, row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

We are living in a dream. Your mind as an advanced computer has given your eyes something to perceive and a world to find your way in and through. Apparently we have been tossed down here and now have to figure it out, in an eat or be eaten world.

Humanity will never move past the horror we are trapped in until someone, somewhere, comes out of the dream, kicking and screaming, trying to wake everyone up.

Guess what? I’ll be doing that. I have no idea of the name of the one who just through me out of my dream. The pain of that 5, 6 ,7 day headache drove me to an edge, no returning from that. Once you see differently you can never readjust your eyes to lies.

We are living in a lie, convinced of a material world that has no real backing, it’s an illusion, and believe me as I threw up my guts until my stomach threatened to follow I no more believed this is an illusion than you do right now. So convinced that your pain is real, your suffering is real, so was I.

Nope and wrong. Pain just happens to be one of the ways spirit talks to me, a human with a difficult past, seeminglyunloving uncaring parents and no real support in the real world. All of my power came from a belief that I had for myself. I had to get hard before they went at me again, I learned all tricks to side step, pain, any pain, emotional, physical, spiritual.

So when I fell in LA this last trip I already knew my head would respond. I get headaches like some people get indigestion or get pissed, a headache is always just a thought away, my head gives me buckets of pain.

Because I have believed I am the creator of myself. No one can help, no one cares frankly, and I’m living in a material world and I am a material girl. So many lies.

I am no more material than any of you are, your dream of reality is as powerful as mine was.

So I will lead a new charge. I am done swimming in a world of my own making. It sucks here. My body thinks it’s the boss of me and due to DNA weakness my body is a fu*king nightmare a lot of the time. So time to turn the channel and tune into a different version of reality.

In other words, I, during an experience of unimaginable pain, that I was not only forced to live through, but no amount of drugs would remove me from it. That suffering world be mine baby, all mine, and mine to fix, which I fu*king did, victory arms.

It is said that creator will give us know more than we can handle, or maybe its more important to say that the greater your intelligence, and willingness to change or see clearly, creator will assist in clearing the cob webs from your mind, the film in front of your eyes, and release you from the cage your heart is trapped in. Using any and all means available.

Stay with me, and I’ll explain it all, as it was and is revealed to me,

you know, heretic witch that I am.