We are starting again

We are starting again

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There are many reasons to write a blog, one being so you can be seen and adored by fans for your wit and so-called wisdom. This is not that kind of blog, as a matter of fact, this will be the kind of blog that you will either desire to read or you will burn this connection, heretic witch…oh well I say.

This is a coming to Jesus minute.

Something I have found hard for the last 11 years of my life is the absence of wisdom, and a complete lack of desire for reality. I mean for myself. The fantasy of our world is a much easier lie to tell ourselves, helping us to sleep at night, keeping us asleep during the day. You may even think that you want change or for things to be different. You still think you have control over outcomes. You think you live in reality, the real world, where shit is real and you can be killed, eaten, taken advantage of. That you have real choice.

Oh did you think you were actually awake, and in reality. Who’s reality…

No baby this is a dream…

There is no advancement in life without this knowledge. Sorry, you who think you know truth.

You are asleep at the wheel of your life. You feel alive, I did too. It seems like we are living in a reality. I mean really don’t tell me that last 5 day migraine was a figment of my imagination, I wanted to die, slit my throat, bleed out, it was as real as the letters you are reading right now.

Are these letters real or does your mind tell you these dashes mean something? Who interprets your words for you, who or what gives them meaning? These are the big questions.

You remember the song, row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

We are living in a dream. Your mind as an advanced computer has given your eyes something to perceive and a world to find your way in and through. Apparently we have been tossed down here and now have to figure it out, in an eat or be eaten world.

Humanity will never move past the horror we are trapped in until someone, somewhere, comes out of the dream, kicking and screaming, trying to wake everyone up.

Guess what? I’ll be doing that. I have no idea of the name of the one who just through me out of my dream. The pain of that 5, 6 ,7 day headache drove me to an edge, no returning from that. Once you see differently you can never readjust your eyes to lies.

We are living in a lie, convinced of a material world that has no real backing, it’s an illusion, and believe me as I threw up my guts until my stomach threatened to follow I no more believed this is an illusion than you do right now. So convinced that your pain is real, your suffering is real, so was I.

Nope and wrong. Pain just happens to be one of the ways spirit talks to me, a human with a difficult past, seeminglyunloving uncaring parents and no real support in the real world. All of my power came from a belief that I had for myself. I had to get hard before they went at me again, I learned all tricks to side step, pain, any pain, emotional, physical, spiritual.

So when I fell in LA this last trip I already knew my head would respond. I get headaches like some people get indigestion or get pissed, a headache is always just a thought away, my head gives me buckets of pain.

Because I have believed I am the creator of myself. No one can help, no one cares frankly, and I’m living in a material world and I am a material girl. So many lies.

I am no more material than any of you are, your dream of reality is as powerful as mine was.

So I will lead a new charge. I am done swimming in a world of my own making. It sucks here. My body thinks it’s the boss of me and due to DNA weakness my body is a fu*king nightmare a lot of the time. So time to turn the channel and tune into a different version of reality.

In other words, I, during an experience of unimaginable pain, that I was not only forced to live through, but no amount of drugs would remove me from it. That suffering world be mine baby, all mine, and mine to fix, which I fu*king did, victory arms.

It is said that creator will give us know more than we can handle, or maybe its more important to say that the greater your intelligence, and willingness to change or see clearly, creator will assist in clearing the cob webs from your mind, the film in front of your eyes, and release you from the cage your heart is trapped in. Using any and all means available.

Stay with me, and I’ll explain it all, as it was and is revealed to me,

you know, heretic witch that I am.

 

 

Rough patch


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Nothing like a rough patch to send you off your rocker and straight to the loony bin. Nothing like having your world derailed by somebody elses actions. And there is nothing like the feeling of sliding and falling, as you realize the rough patch you were afraid of is already underneath you and that feeling is your feet losing their hold. One rough patch of unbelievable size can bring a human to their knees. Time to put some knee pads on!

What we constantly forget as we move through life is, that its life. We have been so removed from reality that a human experiencing a rough patch looking at social media would assume that they are the only ones suffering. In fake-ville or the land of virtual reality everyone is; tan, healthy, on vacation, their children are well-behaved, they have the most loving partner, they got a big raise, new house, lost 20 pounds, blah blah blah.

Really people! Back in the day, we were told (I was told a least a billion times) what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. It was understood that life was hard and the only sure way to get through it was to live your life. Hiding won’t help, denying won’t help, blame won’t help, AT ALL. You have to do it, live, you have to live!

Staying stoned – not living , staying drunk – not living, staying in denial – not living, starving yourself – not living, staying mad- so not living, ignoring your dreams – not living, pretending you do not matter- not living.

We go through life one day at a time. You can sit inside your head or in fantasy, living a yesterday over and over again or plotting your tomorrows, it will not help you live today. Each day you get up is your opportunity, your chance. It may be today that the rough patch shows itself, it might be tomorrow, but believe me, there is another rough patch ahead, just around the corner, outside in your yard, inside your kids head,

Believe me, there is a rough patch ahead.

You are alive you can’t avoid them.

My world was tossed around AGAIN, and I wallowed, my misery was all-consuming. My world was trying to fall apart again, AGAIN. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I have had a very large portion of troubles in my life, rough patches would be an understatement. Just like you, I suspect. None of us are getting through this without a lot of pain, this is a growth spurt for humanity. Unfortunately, we will not grow unless we are forced to, so rough patches are designed to move you from pain, to smack you until your vision clears so you see what’s in front of you. One rough patch is not the big picture, the big picture includes rough patches.

So for 3 days I wallowed in the are you kidding me, again, I have to go through this again, again, like a broken record, again.

Wallowing feels good for a moment, oh woe is me, oh God leave me alone already, how am I going to get through this…………….

and on the 3rd day I rose, again.

It was just rough patch, which is not the big picture, nor the end of this story…

Which car is you on the Ferris wheel?


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This picture represents one of the best ways I find in explaining the human experience. I find most people think of life in linear terms, born on this day, die on that day and every day in between just another day down the road. But in my experience life moves more in circles, spirals if you’re lucky. The way I look at it, we are on a Ferris Wheel.

I see us spinning on a wheel with designated start and stop points. For the linear thinker those would be the days of your birth and death. For those of us on the wheel the days of starting and stopping would also include days of redemption and atonement, resurrection and rebirth and other opportunities to start again, start over, move ahead or move along. Each point where the Ferris wheel pauses to let other beings on and off the wheel of life can be seen as way stations, where you receive advance training for the next station on your journey.

To be clear, on this symbolic Ferris Wheel the developmental stage of where you are at is represented by the location of your car on the Ferris wheel. See the wheel like the face of a clock. We enter each new stage of our lives at the car positioned at 6:00. It is the same position of the car where we get off, after having finished that cycle of experience. You are ready for a more advanced go around on the Ferris Wheel.

The one in this picture is the simplistic wheel of a beginner. All the basic stops line up with the hour hand of a clock. It takes one full turn to load each car on the Ferris Wheel and one full turn to empty it, adding new passengers.  Here’s a list of short one word definitions of each Ferris Wheel car.

6:00 Car- Car of Entrance or Car of Exit

7:00 Car-Car of Anticipation- the journey begins

8:00 Car-Car of caring-learning to love the situation you are in

9:00 Car- Car of blame-finding someone or something that is the reason the things are going like planned

10:00 Car- Car of rescue-thoughts of someone bailing you out, or now filled with righteous indignation you know how to save the world.

11:00 Car- Car of Ego-you develop your plan to save the world, your family, your lover

1200 Car- Car of Highest Hope – Car of Greatest Dread-the spark of renewed energy fans your inner fire, you are doing it! Or the plan is to big I can’t do it, this could crash and burn

1:00 Car-Car of Perspective-after the fall the air is the clearest

2:00 Car- Car of Waning Hope-the inevitable awareness that we cannot save anyone, we can only show them a door

3:00 Car- Car of Compromise- build a plan with many doors and some where you don’t want them. Eyes become opened to other realities

4:00 Car-Car of Inevitability- Realization that some things are just not going to work, passangers of the wheel will want to pick and choose the car they ride and avoid the cars they don’t want to ride

5:00 Car-Car of Relief-realization the someone other than us is in charge of the running of the Ferris Wheel. It is our job to become conscious of the ride.

6:00 Car-Car of Exit or Car of Entrance- with self acceptance new cars will show up carrying you towards the next Ferris Wheel designed with your lessons in mind.

Just a thought.

To think of life in this way gives me hope for all of humanity. I think of the energy that runs the Ferris Wheel as the highest energy of all. It gives me hope to think that humanity still has endless opportunities to start and stop on this ever forgiving Ferris Wheel of life. For our good it just keeps turning and turning continually offering its steadfast rhythm for our growth.

 

 

 

 

messages for the push


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There are times in life when the cheer leading squad of your world gets busy or is uplifting someone else, you can beg and plead with your God or the universe for a kind word and the silence will be deafening! I mean the screaming sound of nothing can take your breath away. It is the loneliest feeling, needing something you can’t find or reach for yourself. Yet, what do we learn, the strength you need to get through your sh*t is inside of you.There is inside of all of us a self-regulating monitor of love and support which can be activated if you quit looking for a source outside of yourself. The great power of the universe is inside of you. When we scream in frustration sometimes it’s because we know, we need to do something. Crying into the wind only can do so much…

So here are some push notifications to use when you need to remind yourself of the power in YOU

  1. You are unique. The world seemingly desires consistency between us humans, all the same wonderful weight and degree of success. But that level of sameness will burn the world out. We were made unique, a single vortex of creative energy that can suck a room dry with its neediness, or swirl in its wonder becoming everything you were meant to be. So stop trying to be “them” or “one of them”or “just like them” You were meant to be you, singularly you, without you where would any of us be?               SO BE YOU
  2. There is no wrong answer. Sorry perfectionists but each of us develops our own answers for our own unique life. I’m not Betty and you are not Joe. So what works for Betty may not work for Joe. And for every question you have there are a multitude of answers, there is not just one. An experiment is done over and over with minute changes in the problem to test outcomes. What is an answer today may become a problem tomorrow. SO KEEP TRYING, don’t stop searching for the unique answer for your unique question.
  3. You look like you are supposed to. It cannot be stated enough that your physical shell is not you, just the entity that houses you. We change houses all of the time. We remodel our houses. But if you tear your house down before you have another house you will be homeless, a spirit without a body. This is how most people live, as a spirit without a body because they hate their body. Hate yourself long enough and your body will begin to play along. Look in the mirror and see you, if you need to do some remodeling then do so. But remember you are not your body, it looks like its suppose to. You are awesome just as you are.
  4. Material success is not real. Change fixes that, one day this makes you rich the next day your money is gone. Material plane anything is a but a dream. Because frankly material success is a trap. Once you are dead your material success stays here and you go to the next world taking with you what can’t be carried. Don’t be fooled by a world that wishes to make you a slave to material things and this desire your primary concern. You can’t take it with you so work to have that which is not material.
  5. Love is the answer. The horror is most people have no real idea what true love is. The level of sacrifice, the amount of pain we endure, the hopelessness we face in an uncertain world all contribute to our suffering. This one is easy and hard but the lord gave us the one law, love your creator with all your might and love your neighbor as yourself. Correct your eyesight from dismissive judgement, see the other in front of you as you, see the world as a parent sees a child, love with the fury of a mother and the world will love you back.
  6. It is all a mystery. There is no human who knows. There is no one better than another, in the eyes of the big game of life. There is no second place. There are no winners or losers. There are no rules only consequences. The mystery of life is like a veil over our eyes keeping us from truth but focus your eyes on the third eye and your vision will  clear. Be better everyday. Be open to all that is happening and the mysteries of the universe will open to you.
  7. Be in charge of you. Face it no one knows you better than you know yourself.
  8. Don’t let anyone be the boss of you. Think for yourself. Be your biggest fan.
  9. Do your inner work . Be flexible in your beliefs. Keep your eyes on truth. Do not let someone else influence your beliefs. Be your own monitor.
  10. Use silence as a spiritual practice. When all else fails put your hands in front of your mouth, stop talking, start listening. That incessant chatting inside of your head is getting you nowhere fast, silence that voice. Harness inside of your self the voice of truth. Believe me, truth has a distinctive voice, you will recognize truth when you hear it. Believe in silence and let nothing penetrate your inner most self. God made you so be quiet and hear the voice of your creator, it calls for us.
  11. Be still and know that I am God. You can’t do it alone. We were not meant to do it alone. The help and support we need has been there the entire time. Inside of you is the strength of the universe. You are massive in your power so know that God is with you and the be that power.  Be still and know God has you, everything is going to be alright.

What’s the reason for the season


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For me Christmas is for children to keep some semblance of hope in their hearts. A jolly Santa tends to their wishes. But the real reason for the season is the celebration of the return of light.

For the many Christians it is to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the way shower to the oncoming tide of love the teaching were meant to bring. They saw and celebrate a heavenly child but often forget the vast importance of his role. This great teacher changed the course of our understanding of the force of God. God was no longer a punishing God but a force of love offering relief to those bogged down in laws they would never find relief from.

Jesus was the physical holder of the great light emerging as the fulfillment of the law releasing us from this life of sin, claiming a life of light and love. This fulfillment changed his name from the human form of Jesus to the being of light or the Christ. The Christ like God is a force of light available to everyone, let me repeat that, EVERYONE. It is as the Christ taught within each of us waiting for our acknowledgment. Accepted, we too can be filled with this light that surpasses understanding. That means it comes to me, it comes to you, and is beyond our small minds just how encompassing it is.

Everyone will have access to this light, no one owns it or controls it or can name it. Beyond the name of Jesus the light endures because if humans can touch it, it will be put out.This light cannot be put out as the Christ taught us and physical death will show us.

The light is eternal.

Beyond the little minds of humans the great stories continue to do their work. The seasons are marked as story holders to jog our memories to the truth innate within us. Deep down we know, deeper still lies the truth that through the time of winter season and the darkness, we feel this light our eternal hope for a better world.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

My hope for the return of light is for the children. May we all be as children before this light, innocent, heart open, and filled with love.

May your holiday be blessed!

 

Are you a human being…


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This is a much repeated phrase that needs more repeating because it has constantly gone past the minds of all the human doings. We are doing and doing and doing, all the while claiming our being.

Here’s a line for you. If you find yourself sick, ill in any way, you have separated yourself from all the human beings. A human doing is a human alone, which in and of itself is impossible, but through our deluded ego we believe our doing is an act of our own will. We believe that we exist outside of creation. We believe in what we see, the world around us, but this does not include that which we do not believe or cannot see. I like them but I do not like those “others”.

Myself even, deluded into believing any other had power over me, or my thoughts. That any disadvantage I feel, comes from a lack my ego says comes from another, trying to take from me. Through all my spiritual work this belief has stuck, like a nail in my shoe no less. We are all deluded into the belief that we are lacking or something is missing and only in being a human doing can we fix it. Yet each human doing trying to fix that which is unbroken is swirling in a cycle of endless repetition of more and more doing. Getting no where really, really fast.

I have searched in dozens of spiritual communities for someone who “had it”. Someone not held in the fake belief that we need to do something to get “it”. I’ve encountered “enlightened” people still selling their beliefs when the belief of we are all one as humans beings and part of God, doesn’t need to be sold. Even our spiritual leaders are lead to believe they must sell their beliefs so that we can become humans doing the “right thing” in some “right” way.

What if freedom, true freedom which exists in the mind, was free and ours for the taking. What if the truth we desperately seek from someone we feel; more important, smarter, better able, really was none of those things. What if the guy next to you was as valuble to God as you are. What if every so called bad person was actually a human being trying to get to their truth. What if instead of seeing others as good or bad, smart or stupid, right or wrong, we began seeing them all as children of God.

Do we really think the God force of creation, created you, but not you, them but not those, this but not that. See how deluded we have become. We choose for the creative force who is worthy, us, human doings, putting ourselves in the creative hot seat, hmmm…

Do you know the mind of God? Do you think there is a human doing that does? Only a human being, exisiting in the light of God, is that you?

While many seem far away from the true teachings, any teachings really, they are still here and a part of us, you know human beings. What if your presense as a loving inclusive being made the difference to someone lost in ignorance of their true birthright. What if you chose to believe we are all a part of the creative force, beloved of God.

Underneath the pain and ignorance of human life is the mind of God at work, its not easy. I’m not God. I don’t know why my baby grandson had to die, or any child for that matter, but in the mind of God is the answer and that’s where I desire my mind to be attached. And as a mother, when truth comes to me, I desire for my children to have it, just as I imagine the mind of creator desires for its.

I reach for the truth for my creations as I know God reaches for me, and you, and you over there, all of us human beings. You are a part of humanity and you didn’t have to do a thing but be…

testing mother’s love


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Just to be a part of the world right now is a mighty test to my mothering self.

I am a mother and grandmother, it is a job I stumbled into, many many moons ago. It is one I hold with pride, dignity, and it is and will be, hands down, the hardest job of my life. In every minute there is something happening to the kids or the grandkids, they are constantly testing my love. Asking for this, needing that, they are constantly testing my love.

Am I ok, not ok, Are you proud of me, Am I doing alright? We ask and ask because we want to know, Are we ok, Are we doing alright? They want to know. They are constantly testing my love.

Even in the dark days of horror and drugs and screaming and fighting I stood there, never moved, I am the mama, they were constantly testing my love.

In the sad days of loss and divorce and life will never be the same, I stood there never wavered, We are ok, we are doing alright! They were constantly testing my love.

When they were seperated from me by meanspirited behavior that sought to take me from my children, it was worse, they asked and asked, are we ok, are we doing alright? They were testing my love after I had been removed from them. I never wavered. I never moved. I was always right there. They needed to test my love.

So many years later and testing goes on, Are we ok, Are we doing alright? A mother’s job is never done and the testing of a mamas love unending, because I am an ocean. You can test me and push me, I am a force that can’t be moved easily, but I can easily move over you.

By pain or might I am a force that can’t be moved. I stand in the stead of the father who resides in the useen world, I see what they cannot. They are constantly testing my love because my love overflows for them and they can. They can test me and test me because…

It’s what I do to God, Are you there, am I ok, Am I doing alright?  I am constantly testing God’s love. As I am a mama containing infinite love I stand beside the one who has that same love for me, for as I am tested, I am testing and together we learn that we are protected, guided, and lead right where we need to be.

test my mothers love and I will wrap my big arms you and love you up, test me all you want, my love for you cannot be moved,

because the one I test has never let me down. I am held so I can hold you!