That’s right I’m angry


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That’s right I am angry. Oh does that hurt your precious sensibility? Funny how in spiritual circles we are to shun anger. Don’t be angry! Don’t get mad, get glad! Well you know what, I’m angry and I am ready to feel this anger and then tend to it. I figure if Jesus got angry and then anger is sometimes appropriate.

I think anger is useful! Because, and here’s the kicker, most humans won’t do anything about anything, until they finally get mad as hell. Then and only then, will they put down their phones, turn off the televisions, get off their asses and take a stand or do something about it.

I’m angry because mostly I see people bitching and whining like 3 year olds and their “life’s not fair” sentence. Get it in your head, LIFE IS NOT FAIR. That was a humans idea, nope, a humans opinion of how the world should be. In nature the snake eats the eggs of the birds, is that shit fair. We kill off everything for some whim, any whim, is that shit fair. We slave humans for greed in every possible way, is that shit fair. There is nothing fair about this world, I mean come on, our president walks around with the nuke codes and uncontrolable power to use them, is that shit fair.

Does it change anything to say it’s not fair. Yes sirrrrreee I’m angry.

I expected people to be for people, nope they will be for you if they can have what you have, or take what you have….

I expected woman to rise, to stand up. Now they are and it’s because they have been forced underneath men and their perverted sexual/power needs. Very few men believe in equality, ask one, or better yet check their track record. Most men slave their women and their children, and their mothers, and……………………….. I said most,

I expected humanity to rail against violence to children, nope men like to violate children, in the workforce, cheap labor and in the bedroom for titillating disgusting fun. Man once thought babies couldn’t feel pain, REALLY

I expected Gun control, nope I guess we will pry their guns from their cold dead hands, after a gunman shoots them with it. The horror is our country will never allow gun control until, and I doubt even then, someone powerful loses their child. This country loves guns not people. Money not people. Fame not people. Power not people.

I seek a divide in those living in skin suits who are not human but subhuman. Sound judgie…

I seek a dismissal to all positions lorded over children, parents learn to parent be the expert and boss for your kids. A wounded, unloved, used up child, grows up into a force that has become the backbone of our world, you know Dog eat Dog.

I am tired of all the humans who sat down because life was hard, drugs easier, blame faster, unconsiouness more desirable. What is fu*king wrong with you people.

And for all the so-called spiritual teachers, the self proclaimed gurus, the God gave me this assignment asshole church leaders, (talking to you Scientology and many others) bilking their people out of their hard earned money so you can be rich and famous, talking to you spiritual masters who use people, so you can be rich and famous while waving your God flag watching those around you suffer.  How’s your new Range Rover?

For family members who judge their family, boo on you. Who made you a God.

For the humans who use words like I love you, you are my friend, I will be there for you, and don’t mean a word you say, ******************************** this sentence has been censored.

So there, there’s my bitch. I am angry. Tomorrow maybe not so much.

Be a decent human. Be a team player. Be there for your family and friends.

Be something, stop doing nothing!

One step away

One step away

I sometimes wonder if humanity feels fear and pain the way they do because we are always like the poem reads, one step away.  We continue dwelling on our negative issues feeling lost and abandoned, as if the boo hoo-ing has gotten any of us anywhere.

We feel one step away and we stay one step away.

Frankly, I think we humans, are like puppies lost from their mother who is simply on the other side of the blanket but totally absent to them.

We cry out in our own loneliness and pain, because when we look up, our eyes are so swollen with tears we can’t see that something is actually there watching over us, there always was.

And it’s waiting for us to take a step, or a stand, or a breath, or something…

Deep down inside of us is the awareness that we were once a part of something, just like that drop of water aware of the ocean it lives in, that is how our beginning was. But we are spilt off from our beginnings and now feel all alone.

Because, we forgot where we came from. More importantly, we forgot that we did not create ourselves.

We are here, wrapped in our individual skins suits, thinking we are alone in our bodies and our experiences. We are not. You are but one step away from your brothers and sisters at all times, and at one, with the source of life, all of the time. You are perfectly seen in the unseen world, recognized as a spiritual being lost in your physical life.

You are at one with all the unseen spirits surrounding you, who are working to try to get you, to see and hear them. Not with your physical eyes and ears necessarily, but with the other sense you have

…you know your knowing, you know that you know at least sometimes, no one can tell you what you KNOW is wrong. You have been aware of your knowing of something in truth all of your life. Time to put that part of yourself to work.

This life is for you to figure out, no one not even your God will do this for you. It’s all you baby, and all your choice to do, or not to do.

You are here for a reason and the “what” that put you here, is well aware of you. You don’t believe in it but believe me, it believes in you.

When you feel that sense of aloneness that comes with despair, use your mind to remind you that you are one step away from the source that created you. One thought away from the creative energy that sustains you.

You have come one step away from everything and there you stay, far from everything, one step away.

So be with everything and there you stay, at one with everything, that’s never been, one step away.

 

 

 

Anchor of Hope

Anchor of Hope

I stopped writing some time ago, why bother? What difference does it make?

My life was derailed years ago and I have been swimming like hell to get back to some kind of shore. And I see a lot of people out here swimming the waters of “OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME” with me. It seems we have become fish in a barrel to what ever feels the need to point a gun in our general direction, are we safe? What is life about now when we have stopped feeling safe in our surroundings? Safe in any sense of the word.

As a spiritual teacher I have looked around and watched the teachings fail us. Why are we in such a mess? So, I put myself and my work on hold. I needed a different teaching than everything is going to be ok, please! those people and their platitudes make me want to hit something. Have you seen the level of suffering that is going on? What can be done? What can we as a single person do to help? Is it all lost until this apparent fall is finished and the old guard dead?

Hopeless is how it feels!

But maybe that’s ok, maybe the old guard needs to die. Maybe what we are feeling is the death of the old world and its greedy humanity hating ways. Maybe it has to be a painful death so that light can begin to enter into the minds of men again. To bring humanity to the brink of extension, giving us all a near death experience especially to awaken the walking dead.

What we have to be careful of is the hopelessness of watching the worst of humanity struggle to keep in control dowsing us with a daily dose of negativity and back bending fear. Tragedy after tragedy can make a person turn their head away from the suffering of their brother or sister. “I’m only one person what can I do”, said way to often…

In the words of Jack Nicolson as the Joker in the first batman, this world needs an enema…

because as a humanity we are full of shit…

First rule of change, be the change you are looking for

Want to be peaceful in a non peaceful world, be peaceful at all costs.

Want to be loving in a non loving world, be loving at all costs.

Want to have hope in a hopeless world, be hopeful at all costs.

Last night, another sleepless night of never ending oh my God, What now? What next? the endless supplications to what feels like a unhearing God… I decided to listen to a podcast of Joel Osteen, I know so many people hate on this man, but I’ll tell you he loves God more than most do, anyway… he was talking about anchoring in hope,

here comes the God talk but listen to it this way… faith is the hope of things to come, faith needs hope, do you get that? If you claim you have faith, then you best be anchored in hope. In this easiest terms it means if you are steeping in fear like a used tea bag, you have lifted your anchor from hope, its trailing behind you like a tail not an anchor…

When life bogs you down with any kind of weighted personal issue and you have begun lamenting it, you have let your anchor go and you will find your self drifting back to hopeless ocean,

Open your eyes, see where you are and put your anchor back down.

Keep your anchor in check. Keep your anchor moored to hope. If you believe in a higher power then leave your anchor next to your God and quit flailing around like you don’t know, because you do know…

God is always there! Its you that moves around and forgets.

Anchor in Hope!

 

We are starting again

We are starting again

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There are many reasons to write a blog, one being so you can be seen and adored by fans for your wit and so-called wisdom. This is not that kind of blog, as a matter of fact, this will be the kind of blog that you will either desire to read or you will burn this connection, heretic witch…oh well I say.

This is a coming to Jesus minute.

Something I have found hard for the last 11 years of my life is the absence of wisdom, and a complete lack of desire for reality. I mean for myself. The fantasy of our world is a much easier lie to tell ourselves, helping us to sleep at night, keeping us asleep during the day. You may even think that you want change or for things to be different. You still think you have control over outcomes. You think you live in reality, the real world, where shit is real and you can be killed, eaten, taken advantage of. That you have real choice.

Oh did you think you were actually awake, and in reality. Who’s reality…

No baby this is a dream…

There is no advancement in life without this knowledge. Sorry, you who think you know truth.

You are asleep at the wheel of your life. You feel alive, I did too. It seems like we are living in a reality. I mean really don’t tell me that last 5 day migraine was a figment of my imagination, I wanted to die, slit my throat, bleed out, it was as real as the letters you are reading right now.

Are these letters real or does your mind tell you these dashes mean something? Who interprets your words for you, who or what gives them meaning? These are the big questions.

You remember the song, row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

We are living in a dream. Your mind as an advanced computer has given your eyes something to perceive and a world to find your way in and through. Apparently we have been tossed down here and now have to figure it out, in an eat or be eaten world.

Humanity will never move past the horror we are trapped in until someone, somewhere, comes out of the dream, kicking and screaming, trying to wake everyone up.

Guess what? I’ll be doing that. I have no idea of the name of the one who just through me out of my dream. The pain of that 5, 6 ,7 day headache drove me to an edge, no returning from that. Once you see differently you can never readjust your eyes to lies.

We are living in a lie, convinced of a material world that has no real backing, it’s an illusion, and believe me as I threw up my guts until my stomach threatened to follow I no more believed this is an illusion than you do right now. So convinced that your pain is real, your suffering is real, so was I.

Nope and wrong. Pain just happens to be one of the ways spirit talks to me, a human with a difficult past, seeminglyunloving uncaring parents and no real support in the real world. All of my power came from a belief that I had for myself. I had to get hard before they went at me again, I learned all tricks to side step, pain, any pain, emotional, physical, spiritual.

So when I fell in LA this last trip I already knew my head would respond. I get headaches like some people get indigestion or get pissed, a headache is always just a thought away, my head gives me buckets of pain.

Because I have believed I am the creator of myself. No one can help, no one cares frankly, and I’m living in a material world and I am a material girl. So many lies.

I am no more material than any of you are, your dream of reality is as powerful as mine was.

So I will lead a new charge. I am done swimming in a world of my own making. It sucks here. My body thinks it’s the boss of me and due to DNA weakness my body is a fu*king nightmare a lot of the time. So time to turn the channel and tune into a different version of reality.

In other words, I, during an experience of unimaginable pain, that I was not only forced to live through, but no amount of drugs would remove me from it. That suffering world be mine baby, all mine, and mine to fix, which I fu*king did, victory arms.

It is said that creator will give us know more than we can handle, or maybe its more important to say that the greater your intelligence, and willingness to change or see clearly, creator will assist in clearing the cob webs from your mind, the film in front of your eyes, and release you from the cage your heart is trapped in. Using any and all means available.

Stay with me, and I’ll explain it all, as it was and is revealed to me,

you know, heretic witch that I am.

 

 

Rough patch


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Nothing like a rough patch to send you off your rocker and straight to the loony bin. Nothing like having your world derailed by somebody elses actions. And there is nothing like the feeling of sliding and falling, as you realize the rough patch you were afraid of is already underneath you and that feeling is your feet losing their hold. One rough patch of unbelievable size can bring a human to their knees. Time to put some knee pads on!

What we constantly forget as we move through life is, that its life. We have been so removed from reality that a human experiencing a rough patch looking at social media would assume that they are the only ones suffering. In fake-ville or the land of virtual reality everyone is; tan, healthy, on vacation, their children are well-behaved, they have the most loving partner, they got a big raise, new house, lost 20 pounds, blah blah blah.

Really people! Back in the day, we were told (I was told a least a billion times) what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. It was understood that life was hard and the only sure way to get through it was to live your life. Hiding won’t help, denying won’t help, blame won’t help, AT ALL. You have to do it, live, you have to live!

Staying stoned – not living , staying drunk – not living, staying in denial – not living, starving yourself – not living, staying mad- so not living, ignoring your dreams – not living, pretending you do not matter- not living.

We go through life one day at a time. You can sit inside your head or in fantasy, living a yesterday over and over again or plotting your tomorrows, it will not help you live today. Each day you get up is your opportunity, your chance. It may be today that the rough patch shows itself, it might be tomorrow, but believe me, there is another rough patch ahead, just around the corner, outside in your yard, inside your kids head,

Believe me, there is a rough patch ahead.

You are alive you can’t avoid them.

My world was tossed around AGAIN, and I wallowed, my misery was all-consuming. My world was trying to fall apart again, AGAIN. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I have had a very large portion of troubles in my life, rough patches would be an understatement. Just like you, I suspect. None of us are getting through this without a lot of pain, this is a growth spurt for humanity. Unfortunately, we will not grow unless we are forced to, so rough patches are designed to move you from pain, to smack you until your vision clears so you see what’s in front of you. One rough patch is not the big picture, the big picture includes rough patches.

So for 3 days I wallowed in the are you kidding me, again, I have to go through this again, again, like a broken record, again.

Wallowing feels good for a moment, oh woe is me, oh God leave me alone already, how am I going to get through this…………….

and on the 3rd day I rose, again.

It was just rough patch, which is not the big picture, nor the end of this story…

Moody Monday


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It’s a grey moody Monday here in my neck of the world. Hard to be motivated when the sun decided to take the day off or the clouds are working over time, seemingly promised time and a half if they show up and cover the sun all the dang day.

Great job clouds!

In a world…

or say consciousness did pay attention to you when you spoke, hey cloud move it already, can you imagine the power? (its within you)

say that consciousness had consciousness and knew what you needed even as you thought you had a knowing of your self…Who knows ya baby, better than you know yourself?

DOES SOMEONE KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOUR SELF! She said screaming

Then there could be your reason for moody Mondays.

Who wouldn’t be pissed off walking around being someone they are not?

Who wouldn’t be upset that their insides do not match their outsides?

Who wouldn’t be upset when every time you said a word others heard you say a different word?

IS ANYONE LISTENING?

WHY AREN’T YOU SAYING WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY?

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Get out there this moody Monday and make this day your own!

GO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR????????????

You need me again, I’ll be here for terrible Tuesday, wicked Wednesday, torturous Thursday, and freaky Friday,

until we get back to sensational Saturday followed by sunsational Sunday

then next monday will just be a monday, but a magical Monday followed by a terrific Tuesday, a wonderful Wednesday, a termendous Thursday, to fun freaky Friday,

we can do this

Which car is you on the Ferris wheel?


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This picture represents one of the best ways I find in explaining the human experience. I find most people think of life in linear terms, born on this day, die on that day and every day in between just another day down the road. But in my experience life moves more in circles, spirals if you’re lucky. The way I look at it, we are on a Ferris Wheel.

I see us spinning on a wheel with designated start and stop points. For the linear thinker those would be the days of your birth and death. For those of us on the wheel the days of starting and stopping would also include days of redemption and atonement, resurrection and rebirth and other opportunities to start again, start over, move ahead or move along. Each point where the Ferris wheel pauses to let other beings on and off the wheel of life can be seen as way stations, where you receive advance training for the next station on your journey.

To be clear, on this symbolic Ferris Wheel the developmental stage of where you are at is represented by the location of your car on the Ferris wheel. See the wheel like the face of a clock. We enter each new stage of our lives at the car positioned at 6:00. It is the same position of the car where we get off, after having finished that cycle of experience. You are ready for a more advanced go around on the Ferris Wheel.

The one in this picture is the simplistic wheel of a beginner. All the basic stops line up with the hour hand of a clock. It takes one full turn to load each car on the Ferris Wheel and one full turn to empty it, adding new passengers.  Here’s a list of short one word definitions of each Ferris Wheel car.

6:00 Car- Car of Entrance or Car of Exit

7:00 Car-Car of Anticipation- the journey begins

8:00 Car-Car of caring-learning to love the situation you are in

9:00 Car- Car of blame-finding someone or something that is the reason the things are going like planned

10:00 Car- Car of rescue-thoughts of someone bailing you out, or now filled with righteous indignation you know how to save the world.

11:00 Car- Car of Ego-you develop your plan to save the world, your family, your lover

1200 Car- Car of Highest Hope – Car of Greatest Dread-the spark of renewed energy fans your inner fire, you are doing it! Or the plan is to big I can’t do it, this could crash and burn

1:00 Car-Car of Perspective-after the fall the air is the clearest

2:00 Car- Car of Waning Hope-the inevitable awareness that we cannot save anyone, we can only show them a door

3:00 Car- Car of Compromise- build a plan with many doors and some where you don’t want them. Eyes become opened to other realities

4:00 Car-Car of Inevitability- Realization that some things are just not going to work, passangers of the wheel will want to pick and choose the car they ride and avoid the cars they don’t want to ride

5:00 Car-Car of Relief-realization the someone other than us is in charge of the running of the Ferris Wheel. It is our job to become conscious of the ride.

6:00 Car-Car of Exit or Car of Entrance- with self acceptance new cars will show up carrying you towards the next Ferris Wheel designed with your lessons in mind.

Just a thought.

To think of life in this way gives me hope for all of humanity. I think of the energy that runs the Ferris Wheel as the highest energy of all. It gives me hope to think that humanity still has endless opportunities to start and stop on this ever forgiving Ferris Wheel of life. For our good it just keeps turning and turning continually offering its steadfast rhythm for our growth.