Love Love Love


 

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Oh Saint Valentine pack up your bags and go

love isn’t just one day you know

to the fake lovers and the sellers of wares

that day marked for love will always be theirs

but for those who carry the forces of light

they rule with a different kind of a might

for them it is each day that is filled with delight

for true love is forceful when its used right

I love you now and I’ll love you then

there’s nothing you can do to make it end

I love you today and again tomorrow

your heart’s not a play thing and cannot be borrowed

So I’ll stand by the gate and send St Valentine away

what you need is real love that kind that does stay

Baby it’s dark outside


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Here in the Northland, daytime is but a memory as clouds, snow and 3:30 sunsets become the norm. In this part of the world the idea of the Winter Solstice and the return of light, is the light at the end of the tunnel reminding us that the universe does a lot of work under the cover darkness but the promise of the return is inevitable, and undeniable.

I have holiday lights ever twinkling, candles always burning and have created a beautiful cave for this season of interior work. While it is often hard to deal with so much dark there is an innate intimacy that is created between myself and the would be spirits that hang around. I feel the spirit of my grandma when I think on my loneliness and feel her assure me I am not alone.

When the sun does come out for just a brief time I stand in my window and let its rays wash over me so I can remember and stay hopeful for its return. I love the sun and sitting outside, less lonely out there. But now I sit inside looking out, it can be lonely in here. So as soon as I wake and after the so-called sunshine goes down, I turn on my twinkling lights and burn my candles and sit in this wonderland that I have created.

Only in the quiet do we hear the sound of our soul’s yearning and learn to discern the voice that may be God’s. Only in the dark without witness can I let myself be free to be me. In the dark where I am not afraid but released from eyes that hold judgement and I can sing and dance, and cry and scream, until all of me is free. My spirit soars into the sky, my dreams become bigger and the dragon I ride moves darkness away. The darkness is a presence that seeks to keep me down, but that’s not what the dark is outside this time of year.

This darkness is a blanket, it is a freedom of sort, a blank slate for recreating. This time of year reminds us of the impermanence of all things. Just like the dark to the day. The seasons call on us to change, be more, be different, be the same, just be, because the greatest gift to humans is our ability and freedom to be-come.

You may become whatever you wish. So baby it maybe dark outside but inside of the soul is a light that can’t be put out, unless you put it out. Use the dark to find your true self. Use the dark and be silent and listen to your hearts desire. Sing your song, write your story, be your dream.

The dark is only scary if you have no awareness of your light. Shine on baby, shine on!

 

One step away

One step away

I sometimes wonder if humanity feels fear and pain the way they do because we are always like the poem reads, one step away.  We continue dwelling on our negative issues feeling lost and abandoned, as if the boo hoo-ing has gotten any of us anywhere.

We feel one step away and we stay one step away.

Frankly, I think we humans, are like puppies lost from their mother who is simply on the other side of the blanket but totally absent to them.

We cry out in our own loneliness and pain, because when we look up, our eyes are so swollen with tears we can’t see that something is actually there watching over us, there always was.

And it’s waiting for us to take a step, or a stand, or a breath, or something…

Deep down inside of us is the awareness that we were once a part of something, just like that drop of water aware of the ocean it lives in, that is how our beginning was. But we are spilt off from our beginnings and now feel all alone.

Because, we forgot where we came from. More importantly, we forgot that we did not create ourselves.

We are here, wrapped in our individual skins suits, thinking we are alone in our bodies and our experiences. We are not. You are but one step away from your brothers and sisters at all times, and at one, with the source of life, all of the time. You are perfectly seen in the unseen world, recognized as a spiritual being lost in your physical life.

You are at one with all the unseen spirits surrounding you, who are working to try to get you, to see and hear them. Not with your physical eyes and ears necessarily, but with the other sense you have

…you know your knowing, you know that you know at least sometimes, no one can tell you what you KNOW is wrong. You have been aware of your knowing of something in truth all of your life. Time to put that part of yourself to work.

This life is for you to figure out, no one not even your God will do this for you. It’s all you baby, and all your choice to do, or not to do.

You are here for a reason and the “what” that put you here, is well aware of you. You don’t believe in it but believe me, it believes in you.

When you feel that sense of aloneness that comes with despair, use your mind to remind you that you are one step away from the source that created you. One thought away from the creative energy that sustains you.

You have come one step away from everything and there you stay, far from everything, one step away.

So be with everything and there you stay, at one with everything, that’s never been, one step away.

 

 

 

Anchor of Hope

Anchor of Hope

I stopped writing some time ago, why bother? What difference does it make?

My life was derailed years ago and I have been swimming like hell to get back to some kind of shore. And I see a lot of people out here swimming the waters of “OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME” with me. It seems we have become fish in a barrel to what ever feels the need to point a gun in our general direction, are we safe? What is life about now when we have stopped feeling safe in our surroundings? Safe in any sense of the word.

As a spiritual teacher I have looked around and watched the teachings fail us. Why are we in such a mess? So, I put myself and my work on hold. I needed a different teaching than everything is going to be ok, please! those people and their platitudes make me want to hit something. Have you seen the level of suffering that is going on? What can be done? What can we as a single person do to help? Is it all lost until this apparent fall is finished and the old guard dead?

Hopeless is how it feels!

But maybe that’s ok, maybe the old guard needs to die. Maybe what we are feeling is the death of the old world and its greedy humanity hating ways. Maybe it has to be a painful death so that light can begin to enter into the minds of men again. To bring humanity to the brink of extension, giving us all a near death experience especially to awaken the walking dead.

What we have to be careful of is the hopelessness of watching the worst of humanity struggle to keep in control dowsing us with a daily dose of negativity and back bending fear. Tragedy after tragedy can make a person turn their head away from the suffering of their brother or sister. “I’m only one person what can I do”, said way to often…

In the words of Jack Nicolson as the Joker in the first batman, this world needs an enema…

because as a humanity we are full of shit…

First rule of change, be the change you are looking for

Want to be peaceful in a non peaceful world, be peaceful at all costs.

Want to be loving in a non loving world, be loving at all costs.

Want to have hope in a hopeless world, be hopeful at all costs.

Last night, another sleepless night of never ending oh my God, What now? What next? the endless supplications to what feels like a unhearing God… I decided to listen to a podcast of Joel Osteen, I know so many people hate on this man, but I’ll tell you he loves God more than most do, anyway… he was talking about anchoring in hope,

here comes the God talk but listen to it this way… faith is the hope of things to come, faith needs hope, do you get that? If you claim you have faith, then you best be anchored in hope. In this easiest terms it means if you are steeping in fear like a used tea bag, you have lifted your anchor from hope, its trailing behind you like a tail not an anchor…

When life bogs you down with any kind of weighted personal issue and you have begun lamenting it, you have let your anchor go and you will find your self drifting back to hopeless ocean,

Open your eyes, see where you are and put your anchor back down.

Keep your anchor in check. Keep your anchor moored to hope. If you believe in a higher power then leave your anchor next to your God and quit flailing around like you don’t know, because you do know…

God is always there! Its you that moves around and forgets.

Anchor in Hope!

 

We are starting again

We are starting again

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There are many reasons to write a blog, one being so you can be seen and adored by fans for your wit and so-called wisdom. This is not that kind of blog, as a matter of fact, this will be the kind of blog that you will either desire to read or you will burn this connection, heretic witch…oh well I say.

This is a coming to Jesus minute.

Something I have found hard for the last 11 years of my life is the absence of wisdom, and a complete lack of desire for reality. I mean for myself. The fantasy of our world is a much easier lie to tell ourselves, helping us to sleep at night, keeping us asleep during the day. You may even think that you want change or for things to be different. You still think you have control over outcomes. You think you live in reality, the real world, where shit is real and you can be killed, eaten, taken advantage of. That you have real choice.

Oh did you think you were actually awake, and in reality. Who’s reality…

No baby this is a dream…

There is no advancement in life without this knowledge. Sorry, you who think you know truth.

You are asleep at the wheel of your life. You feel alive, I did too. It seems like we are living in a reality. I mean really don’t tell me that last 5 day migraine was a figment of my imagination, I wanted to die, slit my throat, bleed out, it was as real as the letters you are reading right now.

Are these letters real or does your mind tell you these dashes mean something? Who interprets your words for you, who or what gives them meaning? These are the big questions.

You remember the song, row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

We are living in a dream. Your mind as an advanced computer has given your eyes something to perceive and a world to find your way in and through. Apparently we have been tossed down here and now have to figure it out, in an eat or be eaten world.

Humanity will never move past the horror we are trapped in until someone, somewhere, comes out of the dream, kicking and screaming, trying to wake everyone up.

Guess what? I’ll be doing that. I have no idea of the name of the one who just through me out of my dream. The pain of that 5, 6 ,7 day headache drove me to an edge, no returning from that. Once you see differently you can never readjust your eyes to lies.

We are living in a lie, convinced of a material world that has no real backing, it’s an illusion, and believe me as I threw up my guts until my stomach threatened to follow I no more believed this is an illusion than you do right now. So convinced that your pain is real, your suffering is real, so was I.

Nope and wrong. Pain just happens to be one of the ways spirit talks to me, a human with a difficult past, seeminglyunloving uncaring parents and no real support in the real world. All of my power came from a belief that I had for myself. I had to get hard before they went at me again, I learned all tricks to side step, pain, any pain, emotional, physical, spiritual.

So when I fell in LA this last trip I already knew my head would respond. I get headaches like some people get indigestion or get pissed, a headache is always just a thought away, my head gives me buckets of pain.

Because I have believed I am the creator of myself. No one can help, no one cares frankly, and I’m living in a material world and I am a material girl. So many lies.

I am no more material than any of you are, your dream of reality is as powerful as mine was.

So I will lead a new charge. I am done swimming in a world of my own making. It sucks here. My body thinks it’s the boss of me and due to DNA weakness my body is a fu*king nightmare a lot of the time. So time to turn the channel and tune into a different version of reality.

In other words, I, during an experience of unimaginable pain, that I was not only forced to live through, but no amount of drugs would remove me from it. That suffering world be mine baby, all mine, and mine to fix, which I fu*king did, victory arms.

It is said that creator will give us know more than we can handle, or maybe its more important to say that the greater your intelligence, and willingness to change or see clearly, creator will assist in clearing the cob webs from your mind, the film in front of your eyes, and release you from the cage your heart is trapped in. Using any and all means available.

Stay with me, and I’ll explain it all, as it was and is revealed to me,

you know, heretic witch that I am.

 

 

What’s your hidden agenda?


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Can there be a hidden agenda when you find yourself; sitting, standing or ‘talking’ with a human that can barely lift their head?

Now, all eyes are down, phone in hand, zombie like gaze induced.

We know at once, what’s important to this human. Its status, its social standing, its virtual life. While eating, visiting, even working, all eyes on us…certainly not on you.

The human agenda has grown in its obviousness. Every moment can be known, be documented; fixed with photo shop, edited by spell check and instantaneously posted on Instagram. Like wearing a set of the Emperor’s new clothes we scream without sound; I am a star, I am a yogi, I am a spiritual teacher, I am a great mother/father/partner. I am beautiful, important, needed. I am lost, sad, horrified. I am the answer, I have the key, I have the map, I know the way…

Until we get that; it’s the same questions being asked, It’s the same feelings being felt, escaped and handled, we haven’t learned a thing.

The human condition has little changed; from the barbaric years of human sacrifices wait… we are still doing that…the human condition has little changed, period. You will find on the spiritual walk, path after path, all designed to do the same thing, enlighten you to this fact, nothing has ever changed. You have been chasing; money, power, fame, love, peace and you have not found it. You hide behind a hidden agenda of pretending to know what you want, or what you are looking for. Your hidden agenda drives your purpose in life and for most it’s just to keep the inner you hidden from sight. You are driven but to who knows where, to do who knows what?

And nothing will ever change.

Until you do…

So let’s get it out in the open, there is a hidden agenda within you. It’s an original operating instruction that was given to assist humans. It was, to seek the source of all, to find the maker and then merge with it. Really, underneath your desire to lose weight, get married, have a child, be the world savior, is this first operating instruction. Seek your source!

When our original instructions are obstructed in any way you become lost to your operational intent. You cannot merge with your original source because its signal bounces off of you rather than becomes a part of you. You can only merge with the signal when you open to it and it flows through you. Without merging  you are empty and this will cause you a feeling of discontentedness that you will try to fill with all manner of things.

Face it you are like a computer with bad code, you run at some capacity but not at full power.

But key in the proper code, boom. Keep your hidden agenda out in the open, search for the key that unlocks your secret heart and never give that password to anyone.

Cloudy days


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Cloudy days are a visual reminder of the veil in front of your eyes, or that which is keeping the false self engaged. Think right now, am I surround by false thoughts and impressions? Are they about myself, or the world around me?
Is that negativity live streaming in front of your eyes?
The uncleaned mind becomes filled with all the images, thoughts and feelings, amassed each day. This creates a cloud through which your perceptions and judgements must fight through, for you to see, reality that is… Without a meditation practice whether chanting or in silence, the clouds may never clear and sadly you may never even know they are there.
Today the clouds are your teacher. Are they easy to see through or dense and impenetrable?
Learn about the cloud in front of your eyes and then
learn how to move it.