We are starting again

We are starting again

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There are many reasons to write a blog, one being so you can be seen and adored by fans for your wit and so-called wisdom. This is not that kind of blog, as a matter of fact, this will be the kind of blog that you will either desire to read or you will burn this connection, heretic witch…oh well I say.

This is a coming to Jesus minute.

Something I have found hard for the last 11 years of my life is the absence of wisdom, and a complete lack of desire for reality. I mean for myself. The fantasy of our world is a much easier lie to tell ourselves, helping us to sleep at night, keeping us asleep during the day. You may even think that you want change or for things to be different. You still think you have control over outcomes. You think you live in reality, the real world, where shit is real and you can be killed, eaten, taken advantage of. That you have real choice.

Oh did you think you were actually awake, and in reality. Who’s reality…

No baby this is a dream…

There is no advancement in life without this knowledge. Sorry, you who think you know truth.

You are asleep at the wheel of your life. You feel alive, I did too. It seems like we are living in a reality. I mean really don’t tell me that last 5 day migraine was a figment of my imagination, I wanted to die, slit my throat, bleed out, it was as real as the letters you are reading right now.

Are these letters real or does your mind tell you these dashes mean something? Who interprets your words for you, who or what gives them meaning? These are the big questions.

You remember the song, row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

We are living in a dream. Your mind as an advanced computer has given your eyes something to perceive and a world to find your way in and through. Apparently we have been tossed down here and now have to figure it out, in an eat or be eaten world.

Humanity will never move past the horror we are trapped in until someone, somewhere, comes out of the dream, kicking and screaming, trying to wake everyone up.

Guess what? I’ll be doing that. I have no idea of the name of the one who just through me out of my dream. The pain of that 5, 6 ,7 day headache drove me to an edge, no returning from that. Once you see differently you can never readjust your eyes to lies.

We are living in a lie, convinced of a material world that has no real backing, it’s an illusion, and believe me as I threw up my guts until my stomach threatened to follow I no more believed this is an illusion than you do right now. So convinced that your pain is real, your suffering is real, so was I.

Nope and wrong. Pain just happens to be one of the ways spirit talks to me, a human with a difficult past, seeminglyunloving uncaring parents and no real support in the real world. All of my power came from a belief that I had for myself. I had to get hard before they went at me again, I learned all tricks to side step, pain, any pain, emotional, physical, spiritual.

So when I fell in LA this last trip I already knew my head would respond. I get headaches like some people get indigestion or get pissed, a headache is always just a thought away, my head gives me buckets of pain.

Because I have believed I am the creator of myself. No one can help, no one cares frankly, and I’m living in a material world and I am a material girl. So many lies.

I am no more material than any of you are, your dream of reality is as powerful as mine was.

So I will lead a new charge. I am done swimming in a world of my own making. It sucks here. My body thinks it’s the boss of me and due to DNA weakness my body is a fu*king nightmare a lot of the time. So time to turn the channel and tune into a different version of reality.

In other words, I, during an experience of unimaginable pain, that I was not only forced to live through, but no amount of drugs would remove me from it. That suffering world be mine baby, all mine, and mine to fix, which I fu*king did, victory arms.

It is said that creator will give us know more than we can handle, or maybe its more important to say that the greater your intelligence, and willingness to change or see clearly, creator will assist in clearing the cob webs from your mind, the film in front of your eyes, and release you from the cage your heart is trapped in. Using any and all means available.

Stay with me, and I’ll explain it all, as it was and is revealed to me,

you know, heretic witch that I am.

 

 

What’s your hidden agenda?


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Can there be a hidden agenda when you find yourself; sitting, standing or ‘talking’ with a human that can barely lift their head?

Now, all eyes are down, phone in hand, zombie like gaze induced.

We know at once, what’s important to this human. Its status, its social standing, its virtual life. While eating, visiting, even working, all eyes on us…certainly not on you.

The human agenda has grown in its obviousness. Every moment can be known, be documented; fixed with photo shop, edited by spell check and instantaneously posted on Instagram. Like wearing a set of the Emperor’s new clothes we scream without sound; I am a star, I am a yogi, I am a spiritual teacher, I am a great mother/father/partner. I am beautiful, important, needed. I am lost, sad, horrified. I am the answer, I have the key, I have the map, I know the way…

Until we get that; it’s the same questions being asked, It’s the same feelings being felt, escaped and handled, we haven’t learned a thing.

The human condition has little changed; from the barbaric years of human sacrifices wait… we are still doing that…the human condition has little changed, period. You will find on the spiritual walk, path after path, all designed to do the same thing, enlighten you to this fact, nothing has ever changed. You have been chasing; money, power, fame, love, peace and you have not found it. You hide behind a hidden agenda of pretending to know what you want, or what you are looking for. Your hidden agenda drives your purpose in life and for most it’s just to keep the inner you hidden from sight. You are driven but to who knows where, to do who knows what?

And nothing will ever change.

Until you do…

So let’s get it out in the open, there is a hidden agenda within you. It’s an original operating instruction that was given to assist humans. It was, to seek the source of all, to find the maker and then merge with it. Really, underneath your desire to lose weight, get married, have a child, be the world savior, is this first operating instruction. Seek your source!

When our original instructions are obstructed in any way you become lost to your operational intent. You cannot merge with your original source because its signal bounces off of you rather than becomes a part of you. You can only merge with the signal when you open to it and it flows through you. Without merging  you are empty and this will cause you a feeling of discontentedness that you will try to fill with all manner of things.

Face it you are like a computer with bad code, you run at some capacity but not at full power.

But key in the proper code, boom. Keep your hidden agenda out in the open, search for the key that unlocks your secret heart and never give that password to anyone.

Cloudy days


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Cloudy days are a visual reminder of the veil in front of your eyes, or that which is keeping the false self engaged. Think right now, am I surround by false thoughts and impressions? Are they about myself, or the world around me?
Is that negativity live streaming in front of your eyes?
The uncleaned mind becomes filled with all the images, thoughts and feelings, amassed each day. This creates a cloud through which your perceptions and judgements must fight through, for you to see, reality that is… Without a meditation practice whether chanting or in silence, the clouds may never clear and sadly you may never even know they are there.
Today the clouds are your teacher. Are they easy to see through or dense and impenetrable?
Learn about the cloud in front of your eyes and then
learn how to move it.

Moody Monday


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It’s a grey moody Monday here in my neck of the world. Hard to be motivated when the sun decided to take the day off or the clouds are working over time, seemingly promised time and a half if they show up and cover the sun all the dang day.

Great job clouds!

In a world…

or say consciousness did pay attention to you when you spoke, hey cloud move it already, can you imagine the power? (its within you)

say that consciousness had consciousness and knew what you needed even as you thought you had a knowing of your self…Who knows ya baby, better than you know yourself?

DOES SOMEONE KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOUR SELF! She said screaming

Then there could be your reason for moody Mondays.

Who wouldn’t be pissed off walking around being someone they are not?

Who wouldn’t be upset that their insides do not match their outsides?

Who wouldn’t be upset when every time you said a word others heard you say a different word?

IS ANYONE LISTENING?

WHY AREN’T YOU SAYING WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY?

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Get out there this moody Monday and make this day your own!

GO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR????????????

You need me again, I’ll be here for terrible Tuesday, wicked Wednesday, torturous Thursday, and freaky Friday,

until we get back to sensational Saturday followed by sunsational Sunday

then next monday will just be a monday, but a magical Monday followed by a terrific Tuesday, a wonderful Wednesday, a termendous Thursday, to fun freaky Friday,

we can do this

Which car is you on the Ferris wheel?


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This picture represents one of the best ways I find in explaining the human experience. I find most people think of life in linear terms, born on this day, die on that day and every day in between just another day down the road. But in my experience life moves more in circles, spirals if you’re lucky. The way I look at it, we are on a Ferris Wheel.

I see us spinning on a wheel with designated start and stop points. For the linear thinker those would be the days of your birth and death. For those of us on the wheel the days of starting and stopping would also include days of redemption and atonement, resurrection and rebirth and other opportunities to start again, start over, move ahead or move along. Each point where the Ferris wheel pauses to let other beings on and off the wheel of life can be seen as way stations, where you receive advance training for the next station on your journey.

To be clear, on this symbolic Ferris Wheel the developmental stage of where you are at is represented by the location of your car on the Ferris wheel. See the wheel like the face of a clock. We enter each new stage of our lives at the car positioned at 6:00. It is the same position of the car where we get off, after having finished that cycle of experience. You are ready for a more advanced go around on the Ferris Wheel.

The one in this picture is the simplistic wheel of a beginner. All the basic stops line up with the hour hand of a clock. It takes one full turn to load each car on the Ferris Wheel and one full turn to empty it, adding new passengers.¬† Here’s a list of short one word definitions of each Ferris Wheel car.

6:00 Car- Car of Entrance or Car of Exit

7:00 Car-Car of Anticipation- the journey begins

8:00 Car-Car of caring-learning to love the situation you are in

9:00 Car- Car of blame-finding someone or something that is the reason the things are going like planned

10:00 Car- Car of rescue-thoughts of someone bailing you out, or now filled with righteous indignation you know how to save the world.

11:00 Car- Car of Ego-you develop your plan to save the world, your family, your lover

1200 Car- Car of Highest Hope – Car of Greatest Dread-the spark of renewed energy fans your inner fire, you are doing it! Or the plan is to big I can’t do it, this could crash and burn

1:00 Car-Car of Perspective-after the fall the air is the clearest

2:00 Car- Car of Waning Hope-the inevitable awareness that we cannot save anyone, we can only show them a door

3:00 Car- Car of Compromise- build a plan with many doors and some where you don’t want them. Eyes become opened to other realities

4:00 Car-Car of Inevitability- Realization that some things are just not going to work, passangers of the wheel will want to pick and choose the car they ride and avoid the cars they don’t want to ride

5:00 Car-Car of Relief-realization the someone other than us is in charge of the running of the Ferris Wheel. It is our job to become conscious of the ride.

6:00 Car-Car of Exit or Car of Entrance- with self acceptance new cars will show up carrying you towards the next Ferris Wheel designed with your lessons in mind.

Just a thought.

To think of life in this way gives me hope for all of humanity. I think of the energy that runs the Ferris Wheel as the highest energy of all. It gives me hope to think that humanity still has endless opportunities to start and stop on this ever forgiving Ferris Wheel of life. For our good it just keeps turning and turning continually offering its steadfast rhythm for our growth.

 

 

 

 

Are you a human being…


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This is a much repeated phrase that needs more repeating because it has constantly gone past the minds of all the human doings. We are doing and doing and doing, all the while claiming our being.

Here’s a line for you. If you find yourself sick, ill in any way, you have separated yourself from all the human beings. A human doing is a human alone, which in and of itself is impossible, but through our deluded ego we believe our doing is an act of our own will. We believe that we exist outside of creation. We believe in what we see, the world around us, but this does not include that which we do not believe or cannot see. I like them but I do not like those “others”.

Myself even, deluded into believing any other had power over me, or my thoughts. That any disadvantage I feel, comes from a lack my ego says comes from another, trying to take from me. Through all my spiritual work this belief has stuck, like a nail in my shoe no less. We are all deluded into the belief that we are lacking or something is missing and only in being a human doing can we fix it. Yet each human doing trying to fix that which is unbroken is swirling in a cycle of endless repetition of more and more doing. Getting no where really, really fast.

I have searched in dozens of spiritual communities for someone who “had it”. Someone not held in the fake belief that we need to do something to get “it”. I’ve encountered “enlightened” people still selling their beliefs when the belief of we are all one as humans beings and part of God, doesn’t need to be sold. Even our spiritual leaders are lead to believe they must sell their beliefs so that we can become humans doing the “right thing” in some “right” way.

What if freedom, true freedom which exists in the mind, was free and ours for the taking. What if the truth we desperately seek from someone we feel; more important, smarter, better able, really was none of those things. What if the guy next to you was as valuble to God as you are. What if every so called bad person was actually a human being trying to get to their truth. What if instead of seeing others as good or bad, smart or stupid, right or wrong, we began seeing them all as children of God.

Do we really think the God force of creation, created you, but not you, them but not those, this but not that. See how deluded we have become. We choose for the creative force who is worthy, us, human doings, putting ourselves in the creative hot seat, hmmm…

Do you know the mind of God? Do you think there is a human doing that does? Only a human being, exisiting in the light of God, is that you?

While many seem far away from the true teachings, any teachings really, they are still here and a part of us, you know human beings. What if your presense as a loving inclusive being made the difference to someone lost in ignorance of their true birthright. What if you chose to believe we are all a part of the creative force, beloved of God.

Underneath the pain and ignorance of human life is the mind of God at work, its not easy. I’m not God. I don’t know why my baby grandson had to die, or any child for that matter, but in the mind of God is the answer and that’s where I desire my mind to be attached. And as a mother, when truth comes to me, I desire for my children to have it, just as I imagine the mind of creator desires for its.

I reach for the truth for my creations as I know God reaches for me, and you, and you over there, all of us human beings. You are a part of humanity and you didn’t have to do a thing but be…

walk in grace


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I do a lot of walking so I see a lot of things. I see the looks on peoples faces, I hear their conversations. I see which way they have their gaze. It feels like walking through everyone’s living room sometimes, I see too much. I have seen peoples private parts, yes I am talking walking on the street. I have seen bad looks in mean people’s eyes. I have seen lust filled eyes ogling boys, ogling girls. Wrapped in the arms of depression I am looking to see something and I am seeing something else. We are all lost, looking for something.

Sometimes we are looking for relief. Sometimes we are looking for the door. Either way to win in the perceived war of this time is to walk in grace. To walk in fear just makes matters worse.

Either we trust in the process we proclaim our faith in or we should shut our mouths and ride the waves of our fate given lives. To pretend in this day and age that we are victims of anything beyond our own limited minds is to state your immaturity. You are responsible for your life and your reactions to it, plain and simple.

The next step is remembering the higher power or vibration in charge of it all. We are all moving, what you see is not all you can get. When we choose to walk in grace then we walk with an invisible mantle that says, “Its all good, God’s got this.” Unfortunately we wear a mantle that proclaims our victimhood, “I don’t have this, my life is out of control” We think we can think ourselves out of our troubles, when all we need to do is continue to live our best lives and watch how our steps are led, whether in times of joy or strife.

Walking in grace is walking with the confidence in a higher power that not only has your back but allows you to fall flat on your face so you become bigger and better than you ever dreamed of. In whatever way you believe walk in that spirit, so others see how your path works for you.

Proclaim your faith by living your faith, do it by walking in grace!