What’s your hidden agenda?


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Can there be a hidden agenda when you find yourself; sitting, standing or ‘talking’ with a human that can barely lift their head?

Now, all eyes are down, phone in hand, zombie like gaze induced.

We know at once, what’s important to this human. Its status, its social standing, its virtual life. While eating, visiting, even working, all eyes on us…certainly not on you.

The human agenda has grown in its obviousness. Every moment can be known, be documented; fixed with photo shop, edited by spell check and instantaneously posted on Instagram. Like wearing a set of the Emperor’s new clothes we scream without sound; I am a star, I am a yogi, I am a spiritual teacher, I am a great mother/father/partner. I am beautiful, important, needed. I am lost, sad, horrified. I am the answer, I have the key, I have the map, I know the way…

Until we get that; it’s the same questions being asked, It’s the same feelings being felt, escaped and handled, we haven’t learned a thing.

The human condition has little changed; from the barbaric years of human sacrifices wait… we are still doing that…the human condition has little changed, period. You will find on the spiritual walk, path after path, all designed to do the same thing, enlighten you to this fact, nothing has ever changed. You have been chasing; money, power, fame, love, peace and you have not found it. You hide behind a hidden agenda of pretending to know what you want, or what you are looking for. Your hidden agenda drives your purpose in life and for most it’s just to keep the inner you hidden from sight. You are driven but to who knows where, to do who knows what?

And nothing will ever change.

Until you do…

So let’s get it out in the open, there is a hidden agenda within you. It’s an original operating instruction that was given to assist humans. It was, to seek the source of all, to find the maker and then merge with it. Really, underneath your desire to lose weight, get married, have a child, be the world savior, is this first operating instruction. Seek your source!

When our original instructions are obstructed in any way you become lost to your operational intent. You cannot merge with your original source because its signal bounces off of you rather than becomes a part of you. You can only merge with the signal when you open to it and it flows through you. Without merging  you are empty and this will cause you a feeling of discontentedness that you will try to fill with all manner of things.

Face it you are like a computer with bad code, you run at some capacity but not at full power.

But key in the proper code, boom. Keep your hidden agenda out in the open, search for the key that unlocks your secret heart and never give that password to anyone.

Which car is you on the Ferris wheel?


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This picture represents one of the best ways I find in explaining the human experience. I find most people think of life in linear terms, born on this day, die on that day and every day in between just another day down the road. But in my experience life moves more in circles, spirals if you’re lucky. The way I look at it, we are on a Ferris Wheel.

I see us spinning on a wheel with designated start and stop points. For the linear thinker those would be the days of your birth and death. For those of us on the wheel the days of starting and stopping would also include days of redemption and atonement, resurrection and rebirth and other opportunities to start again, start over, move ahead or move along. Each point where the Ferris wheel pauses to let other beings on and off the wheel of life can be seen as way stations, where you receive advance training for the next station on your journey.

To be clear, on this symbolic Ferris Wheel the developmental stage of where you are at is represented by the location of your car on the Ferris wheel. See the wheel like the face of a clock. We enter each new stage of our lives at the car positioned at 6:00. It is the same position of the car where we get off, after having finished that cycle of experience. You are ready for a more advanced go around on the Ferris Wheel.

The one in this picture is the simplistic wheel of a beginner. All the basic stops line up with the hour hand of a clock. It takes one full turn to load each car on the Ferris Wheel and one full turn to empty it, adding new passengers.  Here’s a list of short one word definitions of each Ferris Wheel car.

6:00 Car- Car of Entrance or Car of Exit

7:00 Car-Car of Anticipation- the journey begins

8:00 Car-Car of caring-learning to love the situation you are in

9:00 Car- Car of blame-finding someone or something that is the reason the things are going like planned

10:00 Car- Car of rescue-thoughts of someone bailing you out, or now filled with righteous indignation you know how to save the world.

11:00 Car- Car of Ego-you develop your plan to save the world, your family, your lover

1200 Car- Car of Highest Hope – Car of Greatest Dread-the spark of renewed energy fans your inner fire, you are doing it! Or the plan is to big I can’t do it, this could crash and burn

1:00 Car-Car of Perspective-after the fall the air is the clearest

2:00 Car- Car of Waning Hope-the inevitable awareness that we cannot save anyone, we can only show them a door

3:00 Car- Car of Compromise- build a plan with many doors and some where you don’t want them. Eyes become opened to other realities

4:00 Car-Car of Inevitability- Realization that some things are just not going to work, passangers of the wheel will want to pick and choose the car they ride and avoid the cars they don’t want to ride

5:00 Car-Car of Relief-realization the someone other than us is in charge of the running of the Ferris Wheel. It is our job to become conscious of the ride.

6:00 Car-Car of Exit or Car of Entrance- with self acceptance new cars will show up carrying you towards the next Ferris Wheel designed with your lessons in mind.

Just a thought.

To think of life in this way gives me hope for all of humanity. I think of the energy that runs the Ferris Wheel as the highest energy of all. It gives me hope to think that humanity still has endless opportunities to start and stop on this ever forgiving Ferris Wheel of life. For our good it just keeps turning and turning continually offering its steadfast rhythm for our growth.

 

 

 

 

Whose voice is that?


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Most of us would venture to say we are in control of our lives but truth be told everyone is held hostage by the voice in their head. Unknowing to them they are lead around like a dog on a leash to feel certain things when certain things are said, to react a certain way when certain things happen. We may have a great sense of justice constantly correcting ourselves or others, but the nagging interior voice may be completely different making you feel bad about everything you do or don’t do, say or don’t say.

Even the most assured person you see is dealing with a voice that is trying to mess them up, trip them up and lead them astray. We come onto the planet innocent little children but soon we are overwhelmed with the truth of our situation, and innocence disappears as survival becomes the game. The voice in our head can be helpful giving us the support we need in a tight spot, but left to its own devices that voice would rather chase you down the road to negativity-ville.  “Shut up and keep your head down”, it says.

I started my spiritual path when my life just became to hard to handle on my own. I needed more than that voice telling me I was never going to make it, or be it, I was doomed for failure. The voice changes tone and frequency depending on how well you feel or how much you are serving your false self. You know this one, dressed for work, the voice, “you wearing that?” You work hard for a meeting or project and that voice,”this is not going to work” The voice when not in check is certainly checking us.

I have grown weary of a voice in my head that just reappeared. It’s the voice of fear, the one that comes just as you are moving in a new direction, establishing new habits or growth of any kind. It’s the voice that says, “who do you think you are?” A long time friend that bitch voice, always talking in my ear sometimes in the voice of husbands, parents, sisters, brothers, that voice can be any bodies voice but it is going after me, making me feel bad. As if my dreams aren’t good enough to follow, like I don’t have something to say, like my opinion doesn’t matter, that I am no body going no where, who do you think you are…

In spirituality you learn that to be a follower is not the answer, it’s a stepping stone to help establish new habits but you must be in control of your own life. The voice in your head was put there as a support system, “you go girl” but some where along the line that voice lost itself and began taking over and becoming a vehicle the darkness can use on every one of us, because we all have that voice, we hear that voice, we listen to that voice inside of us.

Stop doing it! Take control of it! That is what meditation is all about, learning how to quiet that voice, taking back control of the thinking mind and making it your servant rather than your master. You can use breathe work and counting, or chanting, to help control your thoughts. Just focus on your inhale and exhale until the voice quiets or come up with a short phrase and say it over and over, especially loud when the negative voice is doing its work. Over time you can learn to control it. It’s worth it, that voice is not the boss of you! You are the boss of that voice! And as you grow in spiritual strength that voice becomes the still quiet voice that has been there all along.

Spiritual discipline


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I use to describe spiritual discipline as getting up early every morning to do my sadhana practice. My sadhana is normally the time I spend chanting as I am not as interested in moving first thing in the morning but I am totally in love with getting up early to chant. I have been a devotee of chanting for 20 years now. I love to chant!

I chant Naam, which is the holy word or words that sang, whispered or thought, elevate the listener/chanter. Through the natural law of osmosis we know that that which you spend most of your time doing or who/what you constantly surround yourself with, will be reflected in your daily life. It is also reflected in your level of happiness and overall success. This is why we do Naam!

Chanting Naam, or the continuous repetition of the sacred mantras over time  bring increased light not just to our bodies but down to our cells. Chanting allows us to accumulate light giving us increased chances for continuous health and prosperity. The more light in the body the higher the vibration. It is my belief and experience that sickness and jealousy, darkness and lack cannot live in a body filled with light or a affect a being who spends time merging with the sacred sounds and/or names of God.

These Divine mantras allows us to feel within our hearts our true state of being, united with the highest vibration. We were meant to live our life with our hearts wide open filled with love but the traumas of our lives and the effects of the body of pain over our lifetimes keep us trapped in a life of false darkness, filled with constant lack and conditional if any love. Chanting Naam allows us a river of higher sound vibration to ride opening our hearts filling them with love so we may merge with the Divine Light in our soul projecting love peace and light to beings everywhere.

But chanting isn’t enough. Understanding the overwhelming influence of the body of pain, its naysaying negativity, its dooms day predictions of ‘you’ll never be good enough’ means we must carry our spiritual discipline into our daily lives. We must teach ourselves to be the master of our emotions. We must live everyday as students of the divine spiritual wisdom putting the wisdom to work rather than being victim to the many unseen forces influencing us. As we work through our studies we learn about these unseen forces and living  in a constant state of awareness we know we can make these forces work for us in our endeavors rather than fall victim to them.

Spiritual discipline is a constant practice until the wisdom walks with you and you become the wisdom not just a student of it. You know, the day the student becomes the master, it is the path we are all walking, yup, all of us! But until that day we must make successes of our lives by implementing the tools laid out for us by the master teachers who have gone before us. It is our job to put spiritual discipline to work.  We must do the work. We must take the steps. We must implement the wisdom. We must take time to increase our vibration through meditation and prayer. We must be driven to be a better human every day.

This is the kind of spiritual discipline we all need to embrace. Working towards being a better humans everyday!

Be sure and watch for the release of my chanting CD Chanting Living Words on 1/20/2015 on CDbaby.com I would love for you to love chanting as much as I do, it changed my life.

nothing is ever done


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One of the fallacies taught in my childhood was the fairy tale idea of happily ever after, or the Disney movie version of cut as the wholesome story concludes with a stellar finish. These fairy tales spoke of a world of balance and the triumph of dark over evil, followed by that’s a wrap let the happiness commence. But, for many life is more like a horror movie with a never ending terrain wrought with difficulties and challenges no one consciously wants to face with no end in sight and accompanied by the constant fear of the noise in the basement. None of us wants to go to the basement and check out ‘the noise”, we all know what a noise in the basement means, no need to invite the boogie man into the house. In the view of the scary cat there is always a boogeyman in the basement, no matter how ‘safe’ you say it is down there!

Nothing removes the fear of the boogeyman like meeting him and destroying him yourself, problem is there will always be another boogeyman to wrestle. This life we are leading is based on the premise that we have made this journey consciously in order to overcome, to battle, to slay, to grow, in whatever way our greater conscious self sees fit. We are willing students in a giant school each playing our role for others in our family and our friend/colleague circles. Every relationship you are in provides a platform that the universe uses to help you overcome weaknesses in your character, reestablish karmic balance, and offering many opportunities for spiritual growth, or in other words, many boogeymen to deal with. Every event of your life, self-created or fated, is another path the universe uses for helping you to know and understand your character and how you do or don’t maintain balance in your own life. Think about how much about someone’s character is generally revealed during times of sickness and stress. Once shy helpful Betty turns into viper Betty under stress, clear the path her she comes…

Do you do that?

It would help us as students of life and especially those who would call themselves spiritual seekers, to understand that nothing is ever finished in our evolution, in our becoming an agent of light, a person that stands away from the masses as the key stone of balance not a rod of conflict. It takes moral fortitude and a rigorous spiritual discipline to realize that the traumatic events in our lives are happening in a way to stimulate our growth and reliance on a power that is greater than that of a human. It is a divine flow of energy that resides and moves within us that can be manipulated and used by each of us for the betterment of ourselves, our families and finally our world. But it will never be complete because of the beauty and grace of the creative spiritual energy. Through our continual evolution we are blessed with the ability to be more, infinitely more.

In our pursuit of merging with the Divine we become what we call in Universal Kabbalah the 3rd pillar. We as spiritual students and leaders stand as a neutralizing force to others polarizing forces. Wherever we go, wherever we are, it is our vibration that helps bring light to every place. We become the change we want to see in the world and we do it by becoming the light bearers. We become an active part of the larger picture when we realize this life is not about us, our singular tiny self, it is about the evolution of what is possible in life. We do this by the very elevated way in which we live, how we move consciousness ourselves, this is our part of the great work.

But don’t be fooled, the great work will never ever be finished, it will gloriously evolve!

Pointing the finger


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I remember hearing this for the first time and it was a profound learning on how pointless being a victim is, (pun intended). Like I was saying the entire notion changed my world view. As a women I had grown up having been taught that at some point, when I accomplished some goal, or reached some unknown point, a knight in shining armor would show up swooping in to take care of me. Frankly I had been waiting all of my life for this false notion to manifest itself until it did…in the form of this wisdom, point a finger at someone and 3 fingers are pointing back at you. I could spend the rest of my life thinking that I was owed something or I could take responsibility for myself and realize that as I worked towards releasing my own gifts I would learn to finally take of myself.

It seems self-evident to say we are walking through the present moment and it is brought to us by our past thinking actions and words. In other words if your life is a mess, shift through your memories and try to catch the originating thought, you know the one that made you the boss, the one in charge, the know it all. The one who didn’t want to take responsibility but was hiding behind antiquated beliefs. Being a victim is an outdated thought we all need to give a rest. As far as I am concerned, the only victims are children and the truly naive. Every other form of victim thinking is allowing weakness to stand in your stead and what kind of creator created a creation that would have to hang its head in an oh woe is me fashion.

Being a victim can be a hidden thought within your own self especially if you have really forceful thinking in certain areas, for example we all think we know what is right in a world where we can name right from wrong. Problem is that every one of us is living life and looking through eyes that are feeling and seeing through many veils of conditioned thinking, “Look what that person is doing, of course, I am the victim” Like my thought that someone “out there” was supposed to take care of me, it took me living in the woods without running water and indoor plumbing to get that if I could take responsibility myself my circumstances would change. And change they did and you can read about it in my book(Shameless plug, Living Words: A Wisdom Yoga Journey Towards Health will be available for purchase in January, yay!) When we take responsibility for our lives miracles can happen.

So as we walk towards the holiday season a time when many people’s less than button can be pushed, holiday party’s…, I don’t have a dress, Will what’s his name get drunk? Family…, who’s going to say the wrong thing? All of us eating too much, drinking too much, talking too much, and then blaming the holidays…or your partner, or your children, or the government, or God… Take responsibility and stop being a victim, maybe a few people around you will do the same, either way, take responsibility! The Devil did not make you do it!

Take charge of your emotional health and do whatever it takes to remain neutral and a calm presence for your friends and family. Know that as you turn your frown upside down especially, while in the company of those you would rather strangle, you are turning the vibrational tide of your life. Even when all the evidence supports your victim theory then let it be the lesson that turns everything around. Start being the person who opens their hand in help rather than the one pointing the finger of blame.

I advocate being the master of your life and domain not being a victim of circumstances. Learn to turn your attention to the laws that run our universe and move with the flow. Your victim days will be far behind you as the river of life moves you towards a more successful experience. A victim wins by becoming a victor

The in-betweens


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This picture is a perfect representation of my today. I am in-between states, in-between moods, in-between worlds. In other words its the day right after a healing training I just completed. It’s that in-between time of making a huge leap from one state of being to the next state of becoming. Time to take that leap to reach the next level.

I do a lot of spiritual work mostly to be a better mom and grandma and then a citizen of the world. In a world filled with pain and suffering spiritual understanding is the only answer I seek. I believe guidance from within will always lead me to where I need to go, where as guidance from outside takes me where someone else thinks I ought to be. A true spiritual student bears the responsibility of reaching the goal, the teacher can only lead, we have to leap!

Nothing is ever immediate and the letting go of the past conditions of our lives is a tricky thing when dysfunction is the norm in our world. The in-between state is a slippery slope or a rock stuck between two cliffs. What I mean is during the training we got so excited about what we were learning that we saw how putting the practice to work will change our lives for the better. Oh how exciting I just love life, she says walking home from the training with a big smile. Next morning the in-betweens set in.

Life today is the same as the days before the training. Nothing changed in my outer world, still doing dishes, laundry and dealing with life, and it made me feel a little blah. I was on such a high all weekend. Today I am alone in my apartment, what happened? I jumped off my cliff onto the rock, the in-between space, my life has changed but the full on effect will come on like a gentle breeze. The way to move past the in-betweens is to understand that change comes like a subtle wind, we have to trust in the process of change, or we become stuck and maybe find ourselves back on the first cliff afraid to complete the work. We have to have faith, faith in the work, faith in the guiding aspect of God.

My teacher says faith is manifesting evidence. A person with belief only believes because they have been shown. Faith is the eyes that see God and through the work of faith evidence is manifested as that which was done in faith reaps its reward.

So I reach for my spiritual tool belt and put the wisdom to work. I breath in and the most important thing I can remember is that I am not doing any of this for me, or to get anything, I do this work for others who have it worse than I do. I do it to lift the vibration of our world. Because when I elevate myself I elevate everyone. And an elevated world is what I wish to leave for my children and my children’s children.

Enough in-between, I’m jumping to that other cliff!