Fatherless children


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I am tired of fatherless children. I am tired of men who have children and then cannot be bothered to finish the job. Sex feels good parenthood, not so much. What is that? Yes I know sometimes it’s women falling down on the job. I know one of these types as well!

I am tired of the worn out single parents who have to hold and burn both ends of a candle. How do you hold a candle with both ends burning? But, that’s what we do. We are mothers and fathers, we have to be. Why do some parents get the get out of jail card, throwing in the towel because the going got rough? I have to stand here and take it. I have to watch my son blow up his life because his desire to live isn’t that high. He doesn’t feel love because half the parenting team didn’t know that love was part of parenting.

Can’t fix what you are too blind to see and are uninterested in knowing, people. Kids are a lot of work, its our karma as parents to stand there and do the work…

All you whining parents bitching about how much you have done for your kids, did you really do anything or get tired of enabling your children and expected your kids to know the difference? Kids need to be parented and it’s not that fun sometimes.

Kids need their parents from one end of life to another. We as parents stand next to our children our entire lives to show our accumulated wisdom as we earn our grey hair. We are not parents for a few years we are forever parents. Why is this a hard concept? Why is it that in my own ignorant background I knew at 18 that being a parent was a forever job. Where is the owner’s manual for having kids so we can get parents to do their fricking jobs? Quit giving up on your children! I am so tired of this situation.

In a spiritually driven life it is this issue that rankles me the most, ok for today! It is so hard being this child’s mom. My son challenges me in ways I would have never imagined. It was hard to be my dads daughter when he kept choosing his wifes over his old life and then I finally realized kids and grandkids were just not his thing. Did you get that, just not his thing, So of course I married men that would say parenthood was just not their thing, they did the same, married new wives and forgot their old life. Of course I would…

I was hurt and now I have hurting children. This is the reason I have a spiritual practice. I have to know and understand a God that would put me in this position and then put my kids in that same position.And by the grace of God my daughter looked on. She watches me struggle to do the right thing when everyone around us is ditching any small parcel of responsibility. She chose carefully a partner with the understanding that that person/ partner would be the other parent. She did it right! It’s a responsibility to choose a parent/partner who is inline with your values and able to complete the job, or at least has the strength to stay with it when the going gets rough. Where are all of these people? I know they have to be out there, the unsung heroes of child rearing.

I need the world to hear the cries of the children. Especially the parents who would refuse to hear their cries. I need the world to know that a child who grows up believing they are not good enough, and not worthy of love are the most dangerous people on the planet. We cannot have a world of humans who have love in their heart when we allow children to be brought into a world where love is absent. Love your children. Love all the children.

It must be a hard concept to understand that the children of today are the leaders of tomorrow and these kids are being brought up on video games with a total disregard for life, and role models that proclaim money and fame are the answer. We need people of integrity to stand up. A person with children needs to know that at the end of your life when everyone else is gone, your money your fame and all that’s left is your used up self, that child you neglected will have your ass in a nursing home. Why would they do their job of tending to your aging ass when you couldn’t be bothered to do yours?

Enjoy the nursing home!

Stand up parents, stand up and do your job!

Difficult days


There is never going to be an early warning sign that big trouble is afoot. It will blindside you with its horror leaving you reeling with bruises all over your heart and soul. It is, I am sorry to say, a part of our growth and the forward push for a person on a spiritual path. To think that having God or spirit in your life will make life easier is like saying you can diet when there are no cookies in your house or people bringing them in. Life is not like that, we are to be challenged until we can withstand any and every horror coming our way. If we have not learned to live under pressure or learned how to stand up in life when everyone around us is sitting down, we have not done our job.

We are each charged with cultivating the strength we need to deal with the kind of pressure that exists in our world. Many people have stressful lives, I would venture to say most people have stressful lives, it’s how you handle it that counts. For me it has been the continual search for the ability to walk in faith. Holding onto the knowing that a higher power is at work and thank God for that. I can’t do it alone. I physically have to without family support I am alone, again a big why I have a spiritual path that allows me to have a spiritual community to lean on.

When I say I have God I mean I have a relationship with a higher power that through my work I have come to understand as a connection with a force moving through our world that is responding to me. My chanting practice allowed me to open that door, now I can experience what I believe to be the presence of God within me, my higher self, ok face it it’s a force or being more powerful that me and when I follow the directive of living in faith seeing with love even the horror of my life falls into perspective.

It is hard being human right now. I see horror everywhere. I want to fall on my knees and cry my eyes out for the pain and suffering that is getting ready to happen to people I love, people who have no idea that that was a plate glass they just walked into. In one minute your entire life can change forever and damage done that can’t be taken back.

We must cultivate a relationship with our souls, with our creator, we must for our own salvation. If we are to have peace, love and happiness, we must stand in our power, walk in faith and move through life with our hearts leading the way. We have to start, there is just to much pain…

Mental illness and family


images-2My son is bipolar, tough words to write because of the looming negative stereo type of responses I have received over the years. He is not only bipolar he also suffers from PTSD, which makes all things worse. Before he was diagnosed life was a nightmare of “why are you acting this way?” He would get in trouble and my family was less than supportive about it. The “all you are doing is enabling him,” sentence got on my last nerve, he is my child. Of course the big family secret was that bipolar was running rampant through our gene pool, information I would have loved to have so much earlier in my life. But I didn’t get to know.

What I know now is that my family secret is a lot of families secret, not to mention our beautiful children that went to war and have come back so broken and afflicted with mental illness themselves. Frankly none of us are fully able to handle this on our own. The words, It takes a village, is so much more than a buzz phrase, it is the truth. For the last 2 weeks I have been plagued with interior feelings of overwhelming sadness and red-hot anger and yesterday I tried to call my son and he didn’t answer my call or call back, then I knew. It wasn’t me at all, my boy was in trouble, I write this and my eyes fill with tears because I should have known something was up.

He had started talking of wanting to be more responsible so I could go and try to start my life again. We both know none of us can live someone elses’ life for them, we really can’t control another human. We can only lead, with our words, with our love and with our support. I hear the agony in his voice when I finally get him on the phone and it breaks my heart. He ran out of his medicine 2 weeks ago and we were all on a count down and he couldn’t reach out. So the other shoe drops and the fall out of a 2 week blow out spills onto me and my daughter and I would say his wife too, if she was emotionally even sitting in her body anymore.

There are no easy answers to this issue. There is no guarantee of long-term help when medicines that work for a while then stop. There is no running away or sending it away, God gave us this challenge as God has done to so many others. Chances are you know somebody who is suffering with some kind of brain disorder. What we can do is maintain a deep and personal relationship with the one suffering and their family. Most importantly maintaining our spiritual practice and closeness to the creator who gave us this responsibility. We all have heard God does not give us anything we can’t handle, though we certainly would like to argue that point. We can surround our loved one with the white light of consciousness, when can encourage them to take good care of their body, by eating right, getting rest which is like asking a child to sit still for 3 hours, not even close to real but sometimes it sinks in. And most importantly we can encourage each other.

So my hat is off to you, if you are like me and my daughter holding a family together. My hat is off to you who stand next to your loved when others say step away. My hat is off to every parent who had wished health for their child and watched as it was drained due to an accident, birth, or fricking war. My hat is off to those who work with the ones trying so hard to make sense of such a difficult situation that often has no end date. My hat is off to my daughter who does this job with me when she certainly doesn’t have to. I love you so much!!!

My hat is off to us all!