Awareness in Relationship


images-2.jpgI am having many ah moments reading Paul Selig’s books. It has reignited in me what my last disappointment I thought put out. Part of my search lately is trying to rise above the ceiling I kept running into while looking for truth in the many spiritual systems I have studied. In Churches, yoga studios, meditation centers and all manner of self-help gurus the same ideas of a rise was in place but they were held back by a wall or door that only the special could pass.
But within every organization I saw very few who had actually walked through the door and down the path to enlightenment but rather many that were teachings the steps while holding collection plates. And this group was usually the elite, the VIPs, the ones holding the knowledge that if you got close enough you could get too. Or so you thought.
Until we do the work of monitoring our influences, the false teachings will surround us and the truth will elude us, and all for thinking someone more powerful or with greater wisdom needs to lead. Every teaching you stumble upon is designed to awaken you to yourself. But our matrix is well designed and all you see, is whatever wrong you thought was done to you, whatever unfair thing happened to you, or an all around what the hell is going on you’re just a victim here…, it doesn’t make any of your projections real.
The true teachers teach love. Love as a vibration, a frequency not a sugary feel good orgasmic experience. It is a living frequency, the all-encompassing creative thread holding everything together.
Redefine true love for yourself and you will find that it has been there the entire time. In the beauty of a sunrise, the smile of a baby, the laughter of children, the purr of your cat, the wag of your dog’s tail, the snow flake falling on your hand, the last-minute nudge to turn right rather than left, the frequency of love is everywhere. You exist in the frequency of love and it is always in communication with you.
When you are in a love relationship with someone and they need you to change in some specific way in order to continue the relationship, think hard on this moment. Love in it’s truest form is freedom. In love we are free to be who we are with the choice to change that at any given time based on new information, free will baby. Love in the form of control, (you must do this for me), makes sacrifice a requirement of love. In love there will be sacrifice but to force a sacrifice of character is to kill off self-identity. That is not love but control.
From Paul’s work, “But when someone else sacrifices their own identity or those things they require to make them feel true to themselves for the benefit of another, you are not supporting integrity in your relationship. Period.”
We are free! Be free. Word I am word.
I’m reading “The Book of Love and Creation”, start with “I am the Word” if you are not familiar with Paul Selig’s writings.

We are starting again

We are starting again

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There are many reasons to write a blog, one being so you can be seen and adored by fans for your wit and so-called wisdom. This is not that kind of blog, as a matter of fact, this will be the kind of blog that you will either desire to read or you will burn this connection, heretic witch…oh well I say.

This is a coming to Jesus minute.

Something I have found hard for the last 11 years of my life is the absence of wisdom, and a complete lack of desire for reality. I mean for myself. The fantasy of our world is a much easier lie to tell ourselves, helping us to sleep at night, keeping us asleep during the day. You may even think that you want change or for things to be different. You still think you have control over outcomes. You think you live in reality, the real world, where shit is real and you can be killed, eaten, taken advantage of. That you have real choice.

Oh did you think you were actually awake, and in reality. Who’s reality…

No baby this is a dream…

There is no advancement in life without this knowledge. Sorry, you who think you know truth.

You are asleep at the wheel of your life. You feel alive, I did too. It seems like we are living in a reality. I mean really don’t tell me that last 5 day migraine was a figment of my imagination, I wanted to die, slit my throat, bleed out, it was as real as the letters you are reading right now.

Are these letters real or does your mind tell you these dashes mean something? Who interprets your words for you, who or what gives them meaning? These are the big questions.

You remember the song, row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

We are living in a dream. Your mind as an advanced computer has given your eyes something to perceive and a world to find your way in and through. Apparently we have been tossed down here and now have to figure it out, in an eat or be eaten world.

Humanity will never move past the horror we are trapped in until someone, somewhere, comes out of the dream, kicking and screaming, trying to wake everyone up.

Guess what? I’ll be doing that. I have no idea of the name of the one who just through me out of my dream. The pain of that 5, 6 ,7 day headache drove me to an edge, no returning from that. Once you see differently you can never readjust your eyes to lies.

We are living in a lie, convinced of a material world that has no real backing, it’s an illusion, and believe me as I threw up my guts until my stomach threatened to follow I no more believed this is an illusion than you do right now. So convinced that your pain is real, your suffering is real, so was I.

Nope and wrong. Pain just happens to be one of the ways spirit talks to me, a human with a difficult past, seeminglyunloving uncaring parents and no real support in the real world. All of my power came from a belief that I had for myself. I had to get hard before they went at me again, I learned all tricks to side step, pain, any pain, emotional, physical, spiritual.

So when I fell in LA this last trip I already knew my head would respond. I get headaches like some people get indigestion or get pissed, a headache is always just a thought away, my head gives me buckets of pain.

Because I have believed I am the creator of myself. No one can help, no one cares frankly, and I’m living in a material world and I am a material girl. So many lies.

I am no more material than any of you are, your dream of reality is as powerful as mine was.

So I will lead a new charge. I am done swimming in a world of my own making. It sucks here. My body thinks it’s the boss of me and due to DNA weakness my body is a fu*king nightmare a lot of the time. So time to turn the channel and tune into a different version of reality.

In other words, I, during an experience of unimaginable pain, that I was not only forced to live through, but no amount of drugs would remove me from it. That suffering world be mine baby, all mine, and mine to fix, which I fu*king did, victory arms.

It is said that creator will give us know more than we can handle, or maybe its more important to say that the greater your intelligence, and willingness to change or see clearly, creator will assist in clearing the cob webs from your mind, the film in front of your eyes, and release you from the cage your heart is trapped in. Using any and all means available.

Stay with me, and I’ll explain it all, as it was and is revealed to me,

you know, heretic witch that I am.

 

 

What’s the point!


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I’m not sure what the point is anymore. I’ve been writing and writing and just like teaching if no one is getting it, why continue?

I see pain, I have gone through pain, the entire country is going through pain and yet everyone seems stuck in their own limited mind-set. It doesn’t matter what you say, nobody is listening. They can only hear their own voice because they are soooo right. So many people believe they are right. God only knows what is going on.

If everyone is right why are we in the shape we are in?

I just read that a first grader took a gun to school and it fired into the ground thank God. Yet gun control, no way, you can take my gun from my cold dead hand, which in the hand of a 6-year-old is entirely possible. They don’t know what that gun can do. You kill someone on a video game they get back up, they turn into zombies, they don’t die.. but you will if it’s aimed at you when it goes off.

There are negative racist remarks on the bathrooms of our schools, you know where we keep our precious children safe. There are grown ass adults spouting racist, prejudiced rhetoric everywhere, and we wonder why their children do?

TV is hard to watch, the news? what news… if these are the end times then I say speed it up.

I’m tired of war mongers, haters, people only interested in taking…

In my country the welfare of the people is dependent on the number of rich influential beings who may either profit or be harmed by what’s going on. For example the pipeline, let’s poison these people’s water , but not these people over here…

The entire teaching of we are one is so lost on the rich. The teaching we are our brother and sisters keeper, so lost on the rich. The teaching this land is your land this land is my land, so lost on the rich who would own everything and charge us for it…

But no one cares and woe be to you who do…

Sorry people I’m tired of it. What’s the point…

I’ll tell you what the point is, my family, my children, my grandchildren, my adopted people of all races, genders and faiths…

Come near them, and I’ll show you the point of staying the fu*k back…

That’s right its not funny anymore

the spirituality of life


It has been a difficult start for 2016 that I have spent most of it in bed. I even went to Minnesota to visit my daughter after I thought I felt stronger and ended up with the flu. My granddaughter and I were getting re-acquainted as we both struggled with pain, what a bonding experience that was.  I was dealing with my body pain, and a baby upset and in pain and a daughter pregnant and in pain. It was not a nice time of family it was a horror of how can we make each other comfortable in this minute, now this one…

During the 3 weeks I would peruse Facebook for what was going on in the world but in a pain fog I saw only negativity. As I came out of the fog of illness and looked closer at our world broadcast through social media I realized how fast you can step out of the life stream. All I can say is that these are troubling times. Everything looks negative!

I think the amount of physical pain running across the planet is indicative of the mental pain that it is chasing. The amount of mental fog plaguing the ignorant is indicative of a surge of crowd mentality not realizing its following the tail of an ignorant beast. If we are not leading our lives then the media or who ever has the loudest voice is leading us. I do not need a blow hard voicing my views, thanks I’ll do it myself by voting people, voting!

It is a great horror how much ignorance there is swirling around and how willing people are to broadcast their ignorance. I really see very little value in ignorance when we have so many different ways to gain intelligence. Make sure if you are one of the ones broadcasting your views that you stay informed and work to make the light of truth your guide. Not your brand of truth but the honest to God truth. It may take a while to get people to stop yelling and see passed their flag of prejudice but if you wave a flag of clarity long enough I have to believe eventually people will see.

Be the change we need in our world by staying as close to the truth in all matters as you can because all lives matter! And when it comes time for you to truly voice your opinion get out there and vote.

 

 

Whose voice is that?


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Most of us would venture to say we are in control of our lives but truth be told everyone is held hostage by the voice in their head. Unknowing to them they are lead around like a dog on a leash to feel certain things when certain things are said, to react a certain way when certain things happen. We may have a great sense of justice constantly correcting ourselves or others, but the nagging interior voice may be completely different making you feel bad about everything you do or don’t do, say or don’t say.

Even the most assured person you see is dealing with a voice that is trying to mess them up, trip them up and lead them astray. We come onto the planet innocent little children but soon we are overwhelmed with the truth of our situation, and innocence disappears as survival becomes the game. The voice in our head can be helpful giving us the support we need in a tight spot, but left to its own devices that voice would rather chase you down the road to negativity-ville.  “Shut up and keep your head down”, it says.

I started my spiritual path when my life just became to hard to handle on my own. I needed more than that voice telling me I was never going to make it, or be it, I was doomed for failure. The voice changes tone and frequency depending on how well you feel or how much you are serving your false self. You know this one, dressed for work, the voice, “you wearing that?” You work hard for a meeting or project and that voice,”this is not going to work” The voice when not in check is certainly checking us.

I have grown weary of a voice in my head that just reappeared. It’s the voice of fear, the one that comes just as you are moving in a new direction, establishing new habits or growth of any kind. It’s the voice that says, “who do you think you are?” A long time friend that bitch voice, always talking in my ear sometimes in the voice of husbands, parents, sisters, brothers, that voice can be any bodies voice but it is going after me, making me feel bad. As if my dreams aren’t good enough to follow, like I don’t have something to say, like my opinion doesn’t matter, that I am no body going no where, who do you think you are…

In spirituality you learn that to be a follower is not the answer, it’s a stepping stone to help establish new habits but you must be in control of your own life. The voice in your head was put there as a support system, “you go girl” but some where along the line that voice lost itself and began taking over and becoming a vehicle the darkness can use on every one of us, because we all have that voice, we hear that voice, we listen to that voice inside of us.

Stop doing it! Take control of it! That is what meditation is all about, learning how to quiet that voice, taking back control of the thinking mind and making it your servant rather than your master. You can use breathe work and counting, or chanting, to help control your thoughts. Just focus on your inhale and exhale until the voice quiets or come up with a short phrase and say it over and over, especially loud when the negative voice is doing its work. Over time you can learn to control it. It’s worth it, that voice is not the boss of you! You are the boss of that voice! And as you grow in spiritual strength that voice becomes the still quiet voice that has been there all along.

The end is near


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The end of the year that is…

We are heading into the time of deciding what to plant in our mental garden to make seedlings of things and ideas that will gestate during the winter months for completion in next year’s spring.

So many people want the instantaneous gratification of I think it so it must be so. Now while this will get you results put some effort into it, take a stand, do some work, and you will move in the direction you’re desiring. God willing!

People want to quit their job now because they aren’t satisfied. People want to leave their partners, children, old parents, worn out dogs, we are a throw away society and see little good in working on or for something. But do you want to be left, thrown out when your end is near, when your worthiness is deemed not so much?

You reap what you sow, so if you are steeped in horror, check your recent past, keep going back, the seed of your folly is sitting back there, a moment, a decision, something you did started the chain of events you are living through now.

Lets be honest with ourselves for a moment, really, you know what you are doing, you know why you are doing what you are doing. People who claim, not to know, are manipulating you and themselves. That’s not cool and certainly not the kind of role model we need in todays chaotic world. Start looking in the mirror for your most obvious flaw, the one that gets you every time.

Drunk dialing the ex, driving by your old house, Facebook stalking, crying over a failed relationship, career, blaming the ex, blaming the parents, blaming the government, blaming aliens, consuming jealousy, small mindedness, narrow-mindedness, rigid righteousness, the list goes on, you know your own weaknesses.

So as we draw towards the dark time of the year I have a suggestion, if change is really on your mind. It’s on a lot of people’s mind but working on the personal self is a bigger issue for most and not something people do willingly.

But you can, you can make a list of a certain behavior you wish to work on and little by little with constant forgiveness and vigilance you can make positive change in your life.

Start the work of developing your seed idea and then look for tools to help you get through it. Some ideas

Stop smoking

Eat better

Develop better family relationships,

Make better more uplifting friends

Work towards developing a positive spirit

Stop swearing( I f*&king hate this one)

Find a new teacher, coach, lover, friend

Be a better parent, partner, friend, lover, child, sister, brother,

Be better

Take small steps and do the work you have no idea how empowering it is to put your own will power to work. I swear(hahaha) it will work. Get a calendar of the upcoming winter season and plot your chart, keep track of what you are working on, journal about it.

For once take it seriously. The world is going to get more chaotic and dark, we need to be committed in our drive to be a better person and to be part of the movement towards love and move      away from greed.

So as the end approaches be prepared for a new you in time for spring. Anything is possible you just have to take that first step,

Go and prepare for the end…

nothing is ever done


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One of the fallacies taught in my childhood was the fairy tale idea of happily ever after, or the Disney movie version of cut as the wholesome story concludes with a stellar finish. These fairy tales spoke of a world of balance and the triumph of dark over evil, followed by that’s a wrap let the happiness commence. But, for many life is more like a horror movie with a never ending terrain wrought with difficulties and challenges no one consciously wants to face with no end in sight and accompanied by the constant fear of the noise in the basement. None of us wants to go to the basement and check out ‘the noise”, we all know what a noise in the basement means, no need to invite the boogie man into the house. In the view of the scary cat there is always a boogeyman in the basement, no matter how ‘safe’ you say it is down there!

Nothing removes the fear of the boogeyman like meeting him and destroying him yourself, problem is there will always be another boogeyman to wrestle. This life we are leading is based on the premise that we have made this journey consciously in order to overcome, to battle, to slay, to grow, in whatever way our greater conscious self sees fit. We are willing students in a giant school each playing our role for others in our family and our friend/colleague circles. Every relationship you are in provides a platform that the universe uses to help you overcome weaknesses in your character, reestablish karmic balance, and offering many opportunities for spiritual growth, or in other words, many boogeymen to deal with. Every event of your life, self-created or fated, is another path the universe uses for helping you to know and understand your character and how you do or don’t maintain balance in your own life. Think about how much about someone’s character is generally revealed during times of sickness and stress. Once shy helpful Betty turns into viper Betty under stress, clear the path her she comes…

Do you do that?

It would help us as students of life and especially those who would call themselves spiritual seekers, to understand that nothing is ever finished in our evolution, in our becoming an agent of light, a person that stands away from the masses as the key stone of balance not a rod of conflict. It takes moral fortitude and a rigorous spiritual discipline to realize that the traumatic events in our lives are happening in a way to stimulate our growth and reliance on a power that is greater than that of a human. It is a divine flow of energy that resides and moves within us that can be manipulated and used by each of us for the betterment of ourselves, our families and finally our world. But it will never be complete because of the beauty and grace of the creative spiritual energy. Through our continual evolution we are blessed with the ability to be more, infinitely more.

In our pursuit of merging with the Divine we become what we call in Universal Kabbalah the 3rd pillar. We as spiritual students and leaders stand as a neutralizing force to others polarizing forces. Wherever we go, wherever we are, it is our vibration that helps bring light to every place. We become the change we want to see in the world and we do it by becoming the light bearers. We become an active part of the larger picture when we realize this life is not about us, our singular tiny self, it is about the evolution of what is possible in life. We do this by the very elevated way in which we live, how we move consciousness ourselves, this is our part of the great work.

But don’t be fooled, the great work will never ever be finished, it will gloriously evolve!

manifesting evidence


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Showing my students how each of us manifests evidence is one of the best teaching tools I know. It is hard to dispute what is right in front of you especially if it’s right under your nose. When we look with heart-felt eyes we can see the hand of God at work in our lives, even at the times when we thought God had given up on us. And when we are honest we know there were miraculous events that helped lead us to where we are today. There has been a steady stream of evidence of how we have manifested the present state of our circumstances. We can see the manifested evidence of our path represented through the state of our finances, our health and our ability to maintain healthy relationships. It is our karma as to whether the outcomes due to the state of our path is positive or negative.

When we walk our path with opened eyes we can see our lives as a serious of events meant to awaken us so that we can live life with consciousness. When we live life as a victim feeling punished by God or any force you have stepped away from the truth and its is a dark path of misery you are walking. Get back on the path of gratitude to the source of the gift of life and the light returns. You will again experience prosperity and health, in what ever manner it comes to you.

 As students of the Divine Spiritual Wisdom, we follow the laws of the Universe to walk with the flow of life not while pushing against the tide. We walk a spiritual path that gives us the tools to traverse life and the wisdom to know it is our birthright and responsibility to live from the middle path, walking the path of neutrality, staying in the present moment. Manifesting evidence in your own life by thinking right, being right, speaking right, behaving right and acting right, allows you to become the role model of success within your family and peers. Life lived while maintaining peace, is a successful life, add prosperity and health and you are living the dream!

Understanding that life has its up and downs allows us to control what would otherwise look like an uncontrollable ride on a roller coaster. Understanding the universal laws and frankly keeping your head on straight will go a long way in creating peace in your life. While we may never know why certain events happen in our lives we can control how we react to them. 20/20 hind sight can later show you what looked like devastation was really the ground clearing for the best years of your life. You just never know! Overreaction just causes more karma and more bumps on the road. Teach yourself to go with the flow because frankly the flow is moving, not reacting, and we need to move to go beyond whatever is holding us back from our best self.

Work hard at living your best life being the best version of yourself. Be the manifested evidence that you can show others is the road to success. And then go get your shades because your life is about to get bright!

The in-betweens


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This picture is a perfect representation of my today. I am in-between states, in-between moods, in-between worlds. In other words its the day right after a healing training I just completed. It’s that in-between time of making a huge leap from one state of being to the next state of becoming. Time to take that leap to reach the next level.

I do a lot of spiritual work mostly to be a better mom and grandma and then a citizen of the world. In a world filled with pain and suffering spiritual understanding is the only answer I seek. I believe guidance from within will always lead me to where I need to go, where as guidance from outside takes me where someone else thinks I ought to be. A true spiritual student bears the responsibility of reaching the goal, the teacher can only lead, we have to leap!

Nothing is ever immediate and the letting go of the past conditions of our lives is a tricky thing when dysfunction is the norm in our world. The in-between state is a slippery slope or a rock stuck between two cliffs. What I mean is during the training we got so excited about what we were learning that we saw how putting the practice to work will change our lives for the better. Oh how exciting I just love life, she says walking home from the training with a big smile. Next morning the in-betweens set in.

Life today is the same as the days before the training. Nothing changed in my outer world, still doing dishes, laundry and dealing with life, and it made me feel a little blah. I was on such a high all weekend. Today I am alone in my apartment, what happened? I jumped off my cliff onto the rock, the in-between space, my life has changed but the full on effect will come on like a gentle breeze. The way to move past the in-betweens is to understand that change comes like a subtle wind, we have to trust in the process of change, or we become stuck and maybe find ourselves back on the first cliff afraid to complete the work. We have to have faith, faith in the work, faith in the guiding aspect of God.

My teacher says faith is manifesting evidence. A person with belief only believes because they have been shown. Faith is the eyes that see God and through the work of faith evidence is manifested as that which was done in faith reaps its reward.

So I reach for my spiritual tool belt and put the wisdom to work. I breath in and the most important thing I can remember is that I am not doing any of this for me, or to get anything, I do this work for others who have it worse than I do. I do it to lift the vibration of our world. Because when I elevate myself I elevate everyone. And an elevated world is what I wish to leave for my children and my children’s children.

Enough in-between, I’m jumping to that other cliff!

Live consciously!


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It would seem we are living consciously. You look around people are doing their work going about their lives but if we but scratch the surface most everyone is asleep at the wheel. How many times have you been driving your car only to realize you have been driving without even being aware of it? How many times do you leave your house wondering where are my glasses, my keys, my anything? How many times do you go into a room and can’t remember why you are there? These are just a few of the many examples of how we are living an unconscious life.

Doing yoga and having a spiritual practice develops our intuition, this then aids us in our daily life. How many times just as you were getting ready to leave did you think oh I needed that, paper, list or, anything? Something made you remember something you were just getting ready to forget. This is an example of a more conscious self. Now you are being aided in your day by a greater version of yourself. Being conscious is a choice being unconscious is a default button that is inside of us because frankly if you are not going to do the job of being aware of your surroundings and what you are doing, your subconscious mind steps in to do the work.

When our brains are so involved with an idea or repressed emotions or daydreams our subconscious minds performs our tasks, that’s us on automatic pilot. For example, I live in a building that has electronic door keys, the door locks as soon as it shuts just like a hotel door, you must have your keys in hand if you walk out your door. I am doing laundry, its on another floor, must have keys. I walk up to change the machines and head to the elevator back to my apartment, no keys in hand. In the moment I was so angry with myself as it simply meant I was walking unconsciously allowing my thoughts to override my conscious self. I needed to have those keys.

Now its been awhile since I have done this, its embarrassing, you have to make phone calls, oh thats right I left my phone plugged in, I don’t have my phone, she panics, and panics and panics!!!!! I go back upstairs, I think I saw the housekeeping staff up there, walking while I was trying to calm my mind. I am going through the oh my God’s of the moment as I see the once open door now closed, the housekeeping cart was gone. It was just here I scream in my mind!!! In that moment I glance in the laundry room and my keys were sitting there on the machine I had just emptied. And there it is…

Living an unconscious life can lead to this kind of continuous nightmare of not knowing what the H is going on being led around by your emotions, stress induced reactions and an overall not awesome kind of existence. Yes, life is hard and removing the self through unconsciousness, daydreams or alcohol induced stupidness is just not the way to handle things. Looking out your eyes and really seeing what is in front of you, thats consciousness. Being in the moment not a victim of the moment, is conscious living.

Well I have to go get my clothes out of the dryer, keys in hand. Stay calm and live consciously!!!