We are starting again

We are starting again

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There are many reasons to write a blog, one being so you can be seen and adored by fans for your wit and so-called wisdom. This is not that kind of blog, as a matter of fact, this will be the kind of blog that you will either desire to read or you will burn this connection, heretic witch…oh well I say.

This is a coming to Jesus minute.

Something I have found hard for the last 11 years of my life is the absence of wisdom, and a complete lack of desire for reality. I mean for myself. The fantasy of our world is a much easier lie to tell ourselves, helping us to sleep at night, keeping us asleep during the day. You may even think that you want change or for things to be different. You still think you have control over outcomes. You think you live in reality, the real world, where shit is real and you can be killed, eaten, taken advantage of. That you have real choice.

Oh did you think you were actually awake, and in reality. Who’s reality…

No baby this is a dream…

There is no advancement in life without this knowledge. Sorry, you who think you know truth.

You are asleep at the wheel of your life. You feel alive, I did too. It seems like we are living in a reality. I mean really don’t tell me that last 5 day migraine was a figment of my imagination, I wanted to die, slit my throat, bleed out, it was as real as the letters you are reading right now.

Are these letters real or does your mind tell you these dashes mean something? Who interprets your words for you, who or what gives them meaning? These are the big questions.

You remember the song, row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

We are living in a dream. Your mind as an advanced computer has given your eyes something to perceive and a world to find your way in and through. Apparently we have been tossed down here and now have to figure it out, in an eat or be eaten world.

Humanity will never move past the horror we are trapped in until someone, somewhere, comes out of the dream, kicking and screaming, trying to wake everyone up.

Guess what? I’ll be doing that. I have no idea of the name of the one who just through me out of my dream. The pain of that 5, 6 ,7 day headache drove me to an edge, no returning from that. Once you see differently you can never readjust your eyes to lies.

We are living in a lie, convinced of a material world that has no real backing, it’s an illusion, and believe me as I threw up my guts until my stomach threatened to follow I no more believed this is an illusion than you do right now. So convinced that your pain is real, your suffering is real, so was I.

Nope and wrong. Pain just happens to be one of the ways spirit talks to me, a human with a difficult past, seeminglyunloving uncaring parents and no real support in the real world. All of my power came from a belief that I had for myself. I had to get hard before they went at me again, I learned all tricks to side step, pain, any pain, emotional, physical, spiritual.

So when I fell in LA this last trip I already knew my head would respond. I get headaches like some people get indigestion or get pissed, a headache is always just a thought away, my head gives me buckets of pain.

Because I have believed I am the creator of myself. No one can help, no one cares frankly, and I’m living in a material world and I am a material girl. So many lies.

I am no more material than any of you are, your dream of reality is as powerful as mine was.

So I will lead a new charge. I am done swimming in a world of my own making. It sucks here. My body thinks it’s the boss of me and due to DNA weakness my body is a fu*king nightmare a lot of the time. So time to turn the channel and tune into a different version of reality.

In other words, I, during an experience of unimaginable pain, that I was not only forced to live through, but no amount of drugs would remove me from it. That suffering world be mine baby, all mine, and mine to fix, which I fu*king did, victory arms.

It is said that creator will give us know more than we can handle, or maybe its more important to say that the greater your intelligence, and willingness to change or see clearly, creator will assist in clearing the cob webs from your mind, the film in front of your eyes, and release you from the cage your heart is trapped in. Using any and all means available.

Stay with me, and I’ll explain it all, as it was and is revealed to me,

you know, heretic witch that I am.

 

 

What’s your hidden agenda?


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Can there be a hidden agenda when you find yourself; sitting, standing or ‘talking’ with a human that can barely lift their head?

Now, all eyes are down, phone in hand, zombie like gaze induced.

We know at once, what’s important to this human. Its status, its social standing, its virtual life. While eating, visiting, even working, all eyes on us…certainly not on you.

The human agenda has grown in its obviousness. Every moment can be known, be documented; fixed with photo shop, edited by spell check and instantaneously posted on Instagram. Like wearing a set of the Emperor’s new clothes we scream without sound; I am a star, I am a yogi, I am a spiritual teacher, I am a great mother/father/partner. I am beautiful, important, needed. I am lost, sad, horrified. I am the answer, I have the key, I have the map, I know the way…

Until we get that; it’s the same questions being asked, It’s the same feelings being felt, escaped and handled, we haven’t learned a thing.

The human condition has little changed; from the barbaric years of human sacrifices wait… we are still doing that…the human condition has little changed, period. You will find on the spiritual walk, path after path, all designed to do the same thing, enlighten you to this fact, nothing has ever changed. You have been chasing; money, power, fame, love, peace and you have not found it. You hide behind a hidden agenda of pretending to know what you want, or what you are looking for. Your hidden agenda drives your purpose in life and for most it’s just to keep the inner you hidden from sight. You are driven but to who knows where, to do who knows what?

And nothing will ever change.

Until you do…

So let’s get it out in the open, there is a hidden agenda within you. It’s an original operating instruction that was given to assist humans. It was, to seek the source of all, to find the maker and then merge with it. Really, underneath your desire to lose weight, get married, have a child, be the world savior, is this first operating instruction. Seek your source!

When our original instructions are obstructed in any way you become lost to your operational intent. You cannot merge with your original source because its signal bounces off of you rather than becomes a part of you. You can only merge with the signal when you open to it and it flows through you. Without merging  you are empty and this will cause you a feeling of discontentedness that you will try to fill with all manner of things.

Face it you are like a computer with bad code, you run at some capacity but not at full power.

But key in the proper code, boom. Keep your hidden agenda out in the open, search for the key that unlocks your secret heart and never give that password to anyone.

What’s the point!


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I’m not sure what the point is anymore. I’ve been writing and writing and just like teaching if no one is getting it, why continue?

I see pain, I have gone through pain, the entire country is going through pain and yet everyone seems stuck in their own limited mind-set. It doesn’t matter what you say, nobody is listening. They can only hear their own voice because they are soooo right. So many people believe they are right. God only knows what is going on.

If everyone is right why are we in the shape we are in?

I just read that a first grader took a gun to school and it fired into the ground thank God. Yet gun control, no way, you can take my gun from my cold dead hand, which in the hand of a 6-year-old is entirely possible. They don’t know what that gun can do. You kill someone on a video game they get back up, they turn into zombies, they don’t die.. but you will if it’s aimed at you when it goes off.

There are negative racist remarks on the bathrooms of our schools, you know where we keep our precious children safe. There are grown ass adults spouting racist, prejudiced rhetoric everywhere, and we wonder why their children do?

TV is hard to watch, the news? what news… if these are the end times then I say speed it up.

I’m tired of war mongers, haters, people only interested in taking…

In my country the welfare of the people is dependent on the number of rich influential beings who may either profit or be harmed by what’s going on. For example the pipeline, let’s poison these people’s water , but not these people over here…

The entire teaching of we are one is so lost on the rich. The teaching we are our brother and sisters keeper, so lost on the rich. The teaching this land is your land this land is my land, so lost on the rich who would own everything and charge us for it…

But no one cares and woe be to you who do…

Sorry people I’m tired of it. What’s the point…

I’ll tell you what the point is, my family, my children, my grandchildren, my adopted people of all races, genders and faiths…

Come near them, and I’ll show you the point of staying the fu*k back…

That’s right its not funny anymore

Are we wrong?


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It’s in the searching for answers that we become so desperate that we accept what is almost right or we overlook what we know to be wrong in a “it’s going to be ok”, kind of way. We will turn off our internal truth marker just to “make things work”. Such a waste of our time. If that feeling of wrongness is set into your craw and you are ignoring it for whatever reason, sickness is around the corner be it physical, mental, or spiritual. Take my word for it. Especially, if someone is telling you it will all be fine!

I just watched a movie called Holy Hell, it’s a documentary about a cult in California. I’ve become very interested in cults because of my own near miss with several. The questioning mind seeks answers and under duress will see what is presented rather than what our internal truth monitor tells us. Worse are the straight up lies a “spiritual”leader will tell. In this documentary this leader was found to be having sex with the men rather than the women. All the while proclaiming celibacy as a path to enlightenment. Right!!!

This person is a hypnotherapist and exceedingly good at mind control. All of the students were to take sessions with him at a cost “of course” and during these sessions he would begin the grooming process of his next victim. He had a different boy for different days and times and “of course” these relationships were sacred and special. This is the exact same thing I have heard over and over again whether it’s women or men the “teacher” grooms his victims to their special-ness. I mean really who when searching for truth from a “teacher” doesn’t want to be seen as “special”.

Google spiritual teachers/leaders and watch the people sitting around the “teacher”. It’s not normal to have that level of awe for another human, because THEY ARE HUMAN! We are to bow down to no one but the master in our hearts.

This world breaks my heart. Because in the world of spirituality it’s not just a grooming for sex that draws this same outcome of loss of self. Some people are told to leave their families and break all ties with them. In some, it’s give all your money to the cause, work for the cause, all in the name of God or the teacher or whatever is set before them. Young girls given in marriage to the leader, middle aged people worked like slaves until their usefulness is done and so is their money. The horror!

What the HELL is going on…

We are wrong! It’s never right to serve any master but ourselves. Spirituality is to teach we are our own master because the Divine is within us. When a grown person gives up their power to serve a master outside of themselves that’s one thing but when someone else makes that decision for someone else, the karma… special level of hell and so on…

There is no other answer than maintaining self responsibility and here also is where we have tripped up. When we truly believe another human’s truth over our own common sense, even when we have glitter in our eyes by the beauty of the teacher, someone should slap us out of our revelry. In old days it would have been seen as black magic, isn’t it? Oh that’s right we don’t believe in magic, or Satan, or the devil, much less God.

We are wrong if we believe a human has answers for us, because the true teacher/leader takes you to where your answers exist. Some of us need leading and hand holding that’s fine but a teacher or integrity will never say I’m always right, how can they be…THEY ARE HUMAN.

We are here on planet Earth to learn and the only real truth is the one you discover for yourself. We are wrong if we believe anyone knows our truth, only the Divine knows because we were created by the creative force and this same force is not going to force you to believe it, you may and we do learn for ourselves.

Practice promoting your own internal truth monitor, teach your children well and if someone’s “master/teacher” has a hold over a loved one, pray your ass off and keep telling them they are wrong until they reach out to you because you love them and you will have been the only one telling them. Eventually truth wins, truth always wins!

 

 

Spiritual discipline


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I use to describe spiritual discipline as getting up early every morning to do my sadhana practice. My sadhana is normally the time I spend chanting as I am not as interested in moving first thing in the morning but I am totally in love with getting up early to chant. I have been a devotee of chanting for 20 years now. I love to chant!

I chant Naam, which is the holy word or words that sang, whispered or thought, elevate the listener/chanter. Through the natural law of osmosis we know that that which you spend most of your time doing or who/what you constantly surround yourself with, will be reflected in your daily life. It is also reflected in your level of happiness and overall success. This is why we do Naam!

Chanting Naam, or the continuous repetition of the sacred mantras over time  bring increased light not just to our bodies but down to our cells. Chanting allows us to accumulate light giving us increased chances for continuous health and prosperity. The more light in the body the higher the vibration. It is my belief and experience that sickness and jealousy, darkness and lack cannot live in a body filled with light or a affect a being who spends time merging with the sacred sounds and/or names of God.

These Divine mantras allows us to feel within our hearts our true state of being, united with the highest vibration. We were meant to live our life with our hearts wide open filled with love but the traumas of our lives and the effects of the body of pain over our lifetimes keep us trapped in a life of false darkness, filled with constant lack and conditional if any love. Chanting Naam allows us a river of higher sound vibration to ride opening our hearts filling them with love so we may merge with the Divine Light in our soul projecting love peace and light to beings everywhere.

But chanting isn’t enough. Understanding the overwhelming influence of the body of pain, its naysaying negativity, its dooms day predictions of ‘you’ll never be good enough’ means we must carry our spiritual discipline into our daily lives. We must teach ourselves to be the master of our emotions. We must live everyday as students of the divine spiritual wisdom putting the wisdom to work rather than being victim to the many unseen forces influencing us. As we work through our studies we learn about these unseen forces and living  in a constant state of awareness we know we can make these forces work for us in our endeavors rather than fall victim to them.

Spiritual discipline is a constant practice until the wisdom walks with you and you become the wisdom not just a student of it. You know, the day the student becomes the master, it is the path we are all walking, yup, all of us! But until that day we must make successes of our lives by implementing the tools laid out for us by the master teachers who have gone before us. It is our job to put spiritual discipline to work.  We must do the work. We must take the steps. We must implement the wisdom. We must take time to increase our vibration through meditation and prayer. We must be driven to be a better human every day.

This is the kind of spiritual discipline we all need to embrace. Working towards being a better humans everyday!

Be sure and watch for the release of my chanting CD Chanting Living Words on 1/20/2015 on CDbaby.com I would love for you to love chanting as much as I do, it changed my life.

nothing is ever done


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One of the fallacies taught in my childhood was the fairy tale idea of happily ever after, or the Disney movie version of cut as the wholesome story concludes with a stellar finish. These fairy tales spoke of a world of balance and the triumph of dark over evil, followed by that’s a wrap let the happiness commence. But, for many life is more like a horror movie with a never ending terrain wrought with difficulties and challenges no one consciously wants to face with no end in sight and accompanied by the constant fear of the noise in the basement. None of us wants to go to the basement and check out ‘the noise”, we all know what a noise in the basement means, no need to invite the boogie man into the house. In the view of the scary cat there is always a boogeyman in the basement, no matter how ‘safe’ you say it is down there!

Nothing removes the fear of the boogeyman like meeting him and destroying him yourself, problem is there will always be another boogeyman to wrestle. This life we are leading is based on the premise that we have made this journey consciously in order to overcome, to battle, to slay, to grow, in whatever way our greater conscious self sees fit. We are willing students in a giant school each playing our role for others in our family and our friend/colleague circles. Every relationship you are in provides a platform that the universe uses to help you overcome weaknesses in your character, reestablish karmic balance, and offering many opportunities for spiritual growth, or in other words, many boogeymen to deal with. Every event of your life, self-created or fated, is another path the universe uses for helping you to know and understand your character and how you do or don’t maintain balance in your own life. Think about how much about someone’s character is generally revealed during times of sickness and stress. Once shy helpful Betty turns into viper Betty under stress, clear the path her she comes…

Do you do that?

It would help us as students of life and especially those who would call themselves spiritual seekers, to understand that nothing is ever finished in our evolution, in our becoming an agent of light, a person that stands away from the masses as the key stone of balance not a rod of conflict. It takes moral fortitude and a rigorous spiritual discipline to realize that the traumatic events in our lives are happening in a way to stimulate our growth and reliance on a power that is greater than that of a human. It is a divine flow of energy that resides and moves within us that can be manipulated and used by each of us for the betterment of ourselves, our families and finally our world. But it will never be complete because of the beauty and grace of the creative spiritual energy. Through our continual evolution we are blessed with the ability to be more, infinitely more.

In our pursuit of merging with the Divine we become what we call in Universal Kabbalah the 3rd pillar. We as spiritual students and leaders stand as a neutralizing force to others polarizing forces. Wherever we go, wherever we are, it is our vibration that helps bring light to every place. We become the change we want to see in the world and we do it by becoming the light bearers. We become an active part of the larger picture when we realize this life is not about us, our singular tiny self, it is about the evolution of what is possible in life. We do this by the very elevated way in which we live, how we move consciousness ourselves, this is our part of the great work.

But don’t be fooled, the great work will never ever be finished, it will gloriously evolve!

The in-betweens


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This picture is a perfect representation of my today. I am in-between states, in-between moods, in-between worlds. In other words its the day right after a healing training I just completed. It’s that in-between time of making a huge leap from one state of being to the next state of becoming. Time to take that leap to reach the next level.

I do a lot of spiritual work mostly to be a better mom and grandma and then a citizen of the world. In a world filled with pain and suffering spiritual understanding is the only answer I seek. I believe guidance from within will always lead me to where I need to go, where as guidance from outside takes me where someone else thinks I ought to be. A true spiritual student bears the responsibility of reaching the goal, the teacher can only lead, we have to leap!

Nothing is ever immediate and the letting go of the past conditions of our lives is a tricky thing when dysfunction is the norm in our world. The in-between state is a slippery slope or a rock stuck between two cliffs. What I mean is during the training we got so excited about what we were learning that we saw how putting the practice to work will change our lives for the better. Oh how exciting I just love life, she says walking home from the training with a big smile. Next morning the in-betweens set in.

Life today is the same as the days before the training. Nothing changed in my outer world, still doing dishes, laundry and dealing with life, and it made me feel a little blah. I was on such a high all weekend. Today I am alone in my apartment, what happened? I jumped off my cliff onto the rock, the in-between space, my life has changed but the full on effect will come on like a gentle breeze. The way to move past the in-betweens is to understand that change comes like a subtle wind, we have to trust in the process of change, or we become stuck and maybe find ourselves back on the first cliff afraid to complete the work. We have to have faith, faith in the work, faith in the guiding aspect of God.

My teacher says faith is manifesting evidence. A person with belief only believes because they have been shown. Faith is the eyes that see God and through the work of faith evidence is manifested as that which was done in faith reaps its reward.

So I reach for my spiritual tool belt and put the wisdom to work. I breath in and the most important thing I can remember is that I am not doing any of this for me, or to get anything, I do this work for others who have it worse than I do. I do it to lift the vibration of our world. Because when I elevate myself I elevate everyone. And an elevated world is what I wish to leave for my children and my children’s children.

Enough in-between, I’m jumping to that other cliff!