Forgiveness


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I’ve always had a hard time with forgiveness not that forgiveness is hard it just seemed like a get out of jail card. “That’s ok I forgive you”, over and over and nobody learns and you become a doormat of “that’s ok I forgive you”.

The course of miracles assigns forgiveness as the only act we need perform. That not being forgiving is what is causing the breakdown of our lives. This action takes us back to what they consider the original sin, the guilt that plagues us because we turned away from God and are ultimately responsible for the need of a savior that had to die for us.

Our unwillingness to forgive ourselves holds us away from the love of God that is ever-present though unrecognizable. Most everyone who has suffered abuse by family members find forgiveness difficult and it becomes a hallmark of their lives. Oh woe is me and all that has happened. It takes a long time to realize the pettiness of our lives is surrounded by our small-minded thinking that we came to this world to be victims of it.

Forgiveness is the key to power. When a person moves away from childish thoughts and immature beliefs, we can begin to open our eyes to a greater belief in what life is about. It is but growth, and the hardest form of growth because it is seemingly hard forgiving someone who would rather you see you in pain and/or dead. As children we do not see our parents or any abuse as a fault of the perpetrator but only in a guilt ridden state of ‘what did I do to deserve this’, which becomes a mantle life rests on.

If we can make that bend in the road towards maturity and spiritual maturity at that, we can see the pain of our others that has only been seen as “what a bitch you are”, “how could you treat me so badly?” to what motivates their need to perpetrate pain on others to begin with. Like the Christ said, “Father, forgive them they know not what they do.” is that awareness. Those who are motivated by fear lead fearful lives. What’s hard to see is that those perpetrating pain are the most fearful.

In a world of eat or be eaten, you can see how this theory plays out. Who ever has the loudest voice, most powerful fist, gun or bomb, becomes the winner. But it is their fear that makes them want to shoot first ask questions later. That’s still a child’s game.

Forgiveness is what most women will carry for their children as an act of unconditional love. The wise woman who understands her man. But do not think forgivenss as act of weakness because it is only the strong who recognize truth, beyond what it is wrapped in. If my child is lying then it is because they fear being found out.

So I guess they are right, forgiveness is an act of love and the greatest of all actions. It does not produce doormats, or weak women who can’t or won’t get away from an abuser. Forgiveness is an act of strength and is an active word. We can forgive as we move on, we can forgive as we try to forget, we can forgive because love is a force whose true strength really is not recognized in our world of pop culture, and popularity contests.

For the new year, choose someone or some act perpratrated against you to forgive. From your mother, father, brother, sister, child, priest, teacher, lover, husband, wife, any group of people or organizations. Because in the end forgiveness will release you. The energy it takes to stay in anger, fear or loathing is great, and unnecessary. Open your eyes and your mind to what growth would be yours if forgiveness was your next move.

Let’s make 2018 great, let’s do it for ourselves and watch how it releases everyone.

 

Awareness in Relationship


images-2.jpgI am having many ah moments reading Paul Selig’s books. It has reignited in me what my last disappointment I thought put out. Part of my search lately is trying to rise above the ceiling I kept running into while looking for truth in the many spiritual systems I have studied. In Churches, yoga studios, meditation centers and all manner of self-help gurus the same ideas of a rise was in place but they were held back by a wall or door that only the special could pass.
But within every organization I saw very few who had actually walked through the door and down the path to enlightenment but rather many that were teachings the steps while holding collection plates. And this group was usually the elite, the VIPs, the ones holding the knowledge that if you got close enough you could get too. Or so you thought.
Until we do the work of monitoring our influences, the false teachings will surround us and the truth will elude us, and all for thinking someone more powerful or with greater wisdom needs to lead. Every teaching you stumble upon is designed to awaken you to yourself. But our matrix is well designed and all you see, is whatever wrong you thought was done to you, whatever unfair thing happened to you, or an all around what the hell is going on you’re just a victim here…, it doesn’t make any of your projections real.
The true teachers teach love. Love as a vibration, a frequency not a sugary feel good orgasmic experience. It is a living frequency, the all-encompassing creative thread holding everything together.
Redefine true love for yourself and you will find that it has been there the entire time. In the beauty of a sunrise, the smile of a baby, the laughter of children, the purr of your cat, the wag of your dog’s tail, the snow flake falling on your hand, the last-minute nudge to turn right rather than left, the frequency of love is everywhere. You exist in the frequency of love and it is always in communication with you.
When you are in a love relationship with someone and they need you to change in some specific way in order to continue the relationship, think hard on this moment. Love in it’s truest form is freedom. In love we are free to be who we are with the choice to change that at any given time based on new information, free will baby. Love in the form of control, (you must do this for me), makes sacrifice a requirement of love. In love there will be sacrifice but to force a sacrifice of character is to kill off self-identity. That is not love but control.
From Paul’s work, “But when someone else sacrifices their own identity or those things they require to make them feel true to themselves for the benefit of another, you are not supporting integrity in your relationship. Period.”
We are free! Be free. Word I am word.
I’m reading “The Book of Love and Creation”, start with “I am the Word” if you are not familiar with Paul Selig’s writings.

What expectations

What expectations

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One of the hardest things to admit is the gigantic amount of energy that is expended holding onto expectations. It’s a difficult day of adulting when you learn that your expectations for life may have been a dream and one found only in your head. Similar to the scene in “Little Miss Sunshine” when big brother in the throes of puberty, sees his dream of being a pilot vanish as he discovers he’s color blind.

Oh what mighty expectations do you hold.

    • ex·pec·ta·tion
      a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
      a belief that someone will or should achieve something.
      one’s prospects of inheritance.

     

And expectations have to do with belief, we believe something is going to happen or we will be saved or rescued, we have a ton of expectations. The worse kind are the expectations we carry in our heart about those we love and care about. We expect certain behavior. We expect that we can trust that person, or what this person is saying. Again expectation is a belief, but it doesn’t make it real, it just shows all of us that you hope it does.

Expectations have become an afterthought of “the secret movement”, or the law of positivity. Stay positive! See it happening!

What happens when it doesn’t? Is it now your fault for not reaching high enough? Is it your inability to expect correctly? Are you not doing it right? Do you need a refresher course in manifesting your destiny? Now for a limited time….$99.99 a refresher course on manifesting your destiny, hit the buy button…

The expectation on the planet is that there is answer to your specific issue. That there is a special staircase for your special rise to the top. There is a special person/teacher/pastor/partner waiting for your specialness and they will tell you what you need to do. You are most special , please continue to give, hit the button, and buy some good feelings, for a limited time only $19.95.

Our expectations are a problem. It is time to put responsibility back in our lap. We need to quit expecting anything. I know expecting seems correct, yet in the end expecting is you letting go of responsibility of whatever it is you are expecting. The highest spiritual teaching is the constant and consistent awareness of oneness with creator. There is no need to expect, constant oneness produces knowing, wisdom, and truth.

No one can make you happy or make you a success. No person on this planet has the permission to do for you what you must do for yourself. But, believe me, there is a gigantic population of would be helpers brimming with the promise to fulfill all of your expectations. And they take credit cards, cash, bitcoin and ultimately your blood.

Hand over your power to any human or group to fulfill your responsibilities and you can expect to be fulfilling someone else’s dream. You were created and placed here to figure out why. And please, quit expecting someone to tell you what your why is. No teacher or spiritual leader walking in truth will tell you because you have to know, you must have a knowing of yourself.

Dig deep, look within yourself, seek guidance but do it with open eyes or expect that guidance to lead you falsely.  Seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will be opened, ask and ye shall receive, all actions statements.

Stop expecting anything and begin knowing everything.

 

 

 

Are you a human being…


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This is a much repeated phrase that needs more repeating because it has constantly gone past the minds of all the human doings. We are doing and doing and doing, all the while claiming our being.

Here’s a line for you. If you find yourself sick, ill in any way, you have separated yourself from all the human beings. A human doing is a human alone, which in and of itself is impossible, but through our deluded ego we believe our doing is an act of our own will. We believe that we exist outside of creation. We believe in what we see, the world around us, but this does not include that which we do not believe or cannot see. I like them but I do not like those “others”.

Myself even, deluded into believing any other had power over me, or my thoughts. That any disadvantage I feel, comes from a lack my ego says comes from another, trying to take from me. Through all my spiritual work this belief has stuck, like a nail in my shoe no less. We are all deluded into the belief that we are lacking or something is missing and only in being a human doing can we fix it. Yet each human doing trying to fix that which is unbroken is swirling in a cycle of endless repetition of more and more doing. Getting no where really, really fast.

I have searched in dozens of spiritual communities for someone who “had it”. Someone not held in the fake belief that we need to do something to get “it”. I’ve encountered “enlightened” people still selling their beliefs when the belief of we are all one as humans beings and part of God, doesn’t need to be sold. Even our spiritual leaders are lead to believe they must sell their beliefs so that we can become humans doing the “right thing” in some “right” way.

What if freedom, true freedom which exists in the mind, was free and ours for the taking. What if the truth we desperately seek from someone we feel; more important, smarter, better able, really was none of those things. What if the guy next to you was as valuble to God as you are. What if every so called bad person was actually a human being trying to get to their truth. What if instead of seeing others as good or bad, smart or stupid, right or wrong, we began seeing them all as children of God.

Do we really think the God force of creation, created you, but not you, them but not those, this but not that. See how deluded we have become. We choose for the creative force who is worthy, us, human doings, putting ourselves in the creative hot seat, hmmm…

Do you know the mind of God? Do you think there is a human doing that does? Only a human being, exisiting in the light of God, is that you?

While many seem far away from the true teachings, any teachings really, they are still here and a part of us, you know human beings. What if your presense as a loving inclusive being made the difference to someone lost in ignorance of their true birthright. What if you chose to believe we are all a part of the creative force, beloved of God.

Underneath the pain and ignorance of human life is the mind of God at work, its not easy. I’m not God. I don’t know why my baby grandson had to die, or any child for that matter, but in the mind of God is the answer and that’s where I desire my mind to be attached. And as a mother, when truth comes to me, I desire for my children to have it, just as I imagine the mind of creator desires for its.

I reach for the truth for my creations as I know God reaches for me, and you, and you over there, all of us human beings. You are a part of humanity and you didn’t have to do a thing but be…

Almost done


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How do you write about those times in your life that push you so hard that you can hear your back breaking under the pressure. I for one get extremely tired of it. But it completely speaks to what this last 2 years have been for me and I am almost done. Done with the bull shit, done with falseness, done with fake spirituality, done with lies, done with manipulators, done, done and done.

What is with women who will beat an idea, hope or dream to death? “It will work, he will change, she will do what she said, they will keep their promises”, done, done and done. No they won’t, nor will he/she/they ever.

A human reveals their truth easily but often through rose colored glasses we refuse to see, or acknowledge what we instinctively know, and then we will walk right into a glass door all the while pretending this isn’t who they revealed themselves to be.

I’ve been teaching about self responsibility as long as I can remember and here I stand having denied my own truth. I gave away my power and lessons learned are having to be relearned. Thank God for our brains! Through my own volition I can make mistakes and correct them as often as I need to, that’s life. That’s why we are on a practice planet working at being human. But it doesn’t change that I am done dealing with this.

We are at a collective time of hardship on our planet, end times and all of that. We must have our eyes open and our hearts and minds engaged and their-in lies the problem. When life gets tough we close our eyes and ears singing lalalalalala I can’t hear you, so its not real. We spend time fooling ourselves until it is written on our face or reveled in our sickness and/or broken relationships.

Look up, Listen up, for the truth is there to see and is being sung for us all to hear.

This is not an easy ride; people are hurting, people are dying, hearts are being broken and lives are being changed forever. I am almost done.

After the death of my grandson my life was never going to be the same again because I would never be able to think on my pathetic weakness without remembering the horror my daughter had to endure. I allowed weakness to overtake me and hide the truth that was in front of my face. I had made a tactical error and trusted the untrustworthy. I had to face the lies I was telling myself. I leaned on myself rather than turning to God, the higher power that has always lead me.

My mistake, and I am done.

 

testing mother’s love


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Just to be a part of the world right now is a mighty test to my mothering self.

I am a mother and grandmother, it is a job I stumbled into, many many moons ago. It is one I hold with pride, dignity, and it is and will be, hands down, the hardest job of my life. In every minute there is something happening to the kids or the grandkids, they are constantly testing my love. Asking for this, needing that, they are constantly testing my love.

Am I ok, not ok, Are you proud of me, Am I doing alright? We ask and ask because we want to know, Are we ok, Are we doing alright? They want to know. They are constantly testing my love.

Even in the dark days of horror and drugs and screaming and fighting I stood there, never moved, I am the mama, they were constantly testing my love.

In the sad days of loss and divorce and life will never be the same, I stood there never wavered, We are ok, we are doing alright! They were constantly testing my love.

When they were seperated from me by meanspirited behavior that sought to take me from my children, it was worse, they asked and asked, are we ok, are we doing alright? They were testing my love after I had been removed from them. I never wavered. I never moved. I was always right there. They needed to test my love.

So many years later and testing goes on, Are we ok, Are we doing alright? A mother’s job is never done and the testing of a mamas love unending, because I am an ocean. You can test me and push me, I am a force that can’t be moved easily, but I can easily move over you.

By pain or might I am a force that can’t be moved. I stand in the stead of the father who resides in the useen world, I see what they cannot. They are constantly testing my love because my love overflows for them and they can. They can test me and test me because…

It’s what I do to God, Are you there, am I ok, Am I doing alright?  I am constantly testing God’s love. As I am a mama containing infinite love I stand beside the one who has that same love for me, for as I am tested, I am testing and together we learn that we are protected, guided, and lead right where we need to be.

test my mothers love and I will wrap my big arms you and love you up, test me all you want, my love for you cannot be moved,

because the one I test has never let me down. I am held so I can hold you!

 

 

Does it take strength to be strong?


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And does it make you strong to have strength?

There is a yoga sequence we do called t-sequence, you stand feet together, arms out, shoulder height elbows straight, like a T. We hold this in class anywhere from 3 minutes( I wish) to however long teacher decides we need to have our arms out straight without screaming for mercy. Try it, see how long you can do it! Because it’s funny, women with no real body strength are so much more likely to be able to hold their arms out longer than men who claim to be strong.

Eventually we get it does not take being strong to have strength. I may not be strong but don’t you mess with me or you will see my strength.

Being strong is awesome I need someone strong to open things and destroy things but thats it. I’ll need your strength for every thing else. Strong will not hold my heart, it will not ease my pain, it will not kiss the boo boo away, but your strength will.

I don’t need you to lift a car today I need you to have the strength to sit with me while I feel this way, and cry or laugh. Your strength gives me the freedom to be vulnerable. If you wave your strong in my face I may falter and not speak to you. I need strength to get me through.

When I reach for creator because there is no one else to reach towards I need creator’s strength. I need to know I’ll be ok and that God has my back. Because you people who claim to be strong often run when the going gets tough. You may be strong but truly you are weak. What happens to you when the strong is gone?

I’m tired of strong, I’ve been strong my entire life in every way possible, I have tried to be so strong until life got so hard, so difficult, so painful, that I let the pile of control I was holding fall to the floor. I told using manipulative people to hit the road. I refused the strong arm applied to make me feel weak and unsure. I refused the strong worded opinionated human and had them take their story of strong somewhere else.

In essence I told strong to move on and I felt my strength comeback to me.