Are you a human being…


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This is a much repeated phrase that needs more repeating because it has constantly gone past the minds of all the human doings. We are doing and doing and doing, all the while claiming our being.

Here’s a line for you. If you find yourself sick, ill in any way, you have separated yourself from all the human beings. A human doing is a human alone, which in and of itself is impossible, but through our deluded ego we believe our doing is an act of our own will. We believe that we exist outside of creation. We believe in what we see, the world around us, but this does not include that which we do not believe or cannot see. I like them but I do not like those “others”.

Myself even, deluded into believing any other had power over me, or my thoughts. That any disadvantage I feel, comes from a lack my ego says comes from another, trying to take from me. Through all my spiritual work this belief has stuck, like a nail in my shoe no less. We are all deluded into the belief that we are lacking or something is missing and only in being a human doing can we fix it. Yet each human doing trying to fix that which is unbroken is swirling in a cycle of endless repetition of more and more doing. Getting no where really, really fast.

I have searched in dozens of spiritual communities for someone who “had it”. Someone not held in the fake belief that we need to do something to get “it”. I’ve encountered “enlightened” people still selling their beliefs when the belief of we are all one as humans beings and part of God, doesn’t need to be sold. Even our spiritual leaders are lead to believe they must sell their beliefs so that we can become humans doing the “right thing” in some “right” way.

What if freedom, true freedom which exists in the mind, was free and ours for the taking. What if the truth we desperately seek from someone we feel; more important, smarter, better able, really was none of those things. What if the guy next to you was as valuble to God as you are. What if every so called bad person was actually a human being trying to get to their truth. What if instead of seeing others as good or bad, smart or stupid, right or wrong, we began seeing them all as children of God.

Do we really think the God force of creation, created you, but not you, them but not those, this but not that. See how deluded we have become. We choose for the creative force who is worthy, us, human doings, putting ourselves in the creative hot seat, hmmm…

Do you know the mind of God? Do you think there is a human doing that does? Only a human being, exisiting in the light of God, is that you?

While many seem far away from the true teachings, any teachings really, they are still here and a part of us, you know human beings. What if your presense as a loving inclusive being made the difference to someone lost in ignorance of their true birthright. What if you chose to believe we are all a part of the creative force, beloved of God.

Underneath the pain and ignorance of human life is the mind of God at work, its not easy. I’m not God. I don’t know why my baby grandson had to die, or any child for that matter, but in the mind of God is the answer and that’s where I desire my mind to be attached. And as a mother, when truth comes to me, I desire for my children to have it, just as I imagine the mind of creator desires for its.

I reach for the truth for my creations as I know God reaches for me, and you, and you over there, all of us human beings. You are a part of humanity and you didn’t have to do a thing but be…

Almost done


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How do you write about those times in your life that push you so hard that you can hear your back breaking under the pressure. I for one get extremely tired of it. But it completely speaks to what this last 2 years have been for me and I am almost done. Done with the bull shit, done with falseness, done with fake spirituality, done with lies, done with manipulators, done, done and done.

What is with women who will beat an idea, hope or dream to death? “It will work, he will change, she will do what she said, they will keep their promises”, done, done and done. No they won’t, nor will he/she/they ever.

A human reveals their truth easily but often through rose colored glasses we refuse to see, or acknowledge what we instinctively know, and then we will walk right into a glass door all the while pretending this isn’t who they revealed themselves to be.

I’ve been teaching about self responsibility as long as I can remember and here I stand having denied my own truth. I gave away my power and lessons learned are having to be relearned. Thank God for our brains! Through my own volition I can make mistakes and correct them as often as I need to, that’s life. That’s why we are on a practice planet working at being human. But it doesn’t change that I am done dealing with this.

We are at a collective time of hardship on our planet, end times and all of that. We must have our eyes open and our hearts and minds engaged and their-in lies the problem. When life gets tough we close our eyes and ears singing lalalalalala I can’t hear you, so its not real. We spend time fooling ourselves until it is written on our face or reveled in our sickness and/or broken relationships.

Look up, Listen up, for the truth is there to see and is being sung for us all to hear.

This is not an easy ride; people are hurting, people are dying, hearts are being broken and lives are being changed forever. I am almost done.

After the death of my grandson my life was never going to be the same again because I would never be able to think on my pathetic weakness without remembering the horror my daughter had to endure. I allowed weakness to overtake me and hide the truth that was in front of my face. I had made a tactical error and trusted the untrustworthy. I had to face the lies I was telling myself. I leaned on myself rather than turning to God, the higher power that has always lead me.

My mistake, and I am done.

 

testing mother’s love


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Just to be a part of the world right now is a mighty test to my mothering self.

I am a mother and grandmother, it is a job I stumbled into, many many moons ago. It is one I hold with pride, dignity, and it is and will be, hands down, the hardest job of my life. In every minute there is something happening to the kids or the grandkids, they are constantly testing my love. Asking for this, needing that, they are constantly testing my love.

Am I ok, not ok, Are you proud of me, Am I doing alright? We ask and ask because we want to know, Are we ok, Are we doing alright? They want to know. They are constantly testing my love.

Even in the dark days of horror and drugs and screaming and fighting I stood there, never moved, I am the mama, they were constantly testing my love.

In the sad days of loss and divorce and life will never be the same, I stood there never wavered, We are ok, we are doing alright! They were constantly testing my love.

When they were seperated from me by meanspirited behavior that sought to take me from my children, it was worse, they asked and asked, are we ok, are we doing alright? They were testing my love after I had been removed from them. I never wavered. I never moved. I was always right there. They needed to test my love.

So many years later and testing goes on, Are we ok, Are we doing alright? A mother’s job is never done and the testing of a mamas love unending, because I am an ocean. You can test me and push me, I am a force that can’t be moved easily, but I can easily move over you.

By pain or might I am a force that can’t be moved. I stand in the stead of the father who resides in the useen world, I see what they cannot. They are constantly testing my love because my love overflows for them and they can. They can test me and test me because…

It’s what I do to God, Are you there, am I ok, Am I doing alright?  I am constantly testing God’s love. As I am a mama containing infinite love I stand beside the one who has that same love for me, for as I am tested, I am testing and together we learn that we are protected, guided, and lead right where we need to be.

test my mothers love and I will wrap my big arms you and love you up, test me all you want, my love for you cannot be moved,

because the one I test has never let me down. I am held so I can hold you!

 

 

Does it take strength to be strong?


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And does it make you strong to have strength?

There is a yoga sequence we do called t-sequence, you stand feet together, arms out, shoulder height elbows straight, like a T. We hold this in class anywhere from 3 minutes( I wish) to however long teacher decides we need to have our arms out straight without screaming for mercy. Try it, see how long you can do it! Because it’s funny, women with no real body strength are so much more likely to be able to hold their arms out longer than men who claim to be strong.

Eventually we get it does not take being strong to have strength. I may not be strong but don’t you mess with me or you will see my strength.

Being strong is awesome I need someone strong to open things and destroy things but thats it. I’ll need your strength for every thing else. Strong will not hold my heart, it will not ease my pain, it will not kiss the boo boo away, but your strength will.

I don’t need you to lift a car today I need you to have the strength to sit with me while I feel this way, and cry or laugh. Your strength gives me the freedom to be vulnerable. If you wave your strong in my face I may falter and not speak to you. I need strength to get me through.

When I reach for creator because there is no one else to reach towards I need creator’s strength. I need to know I’ll be ok and that God has my back. Because you people who claim to be strong often run when the going gets tough. You may be strong but truly you are weak. What happens to you when the strong is gone?

I’m tired of strong, I’ve been strong my entire life in every way possible, I have tried to be so strong until life got so hard, so difficult, so painful, that I let the pile of control I was holding fall to the floor. I told using manipulative people to hit the road. I refused the strong arm applied to make me feel weak and unsure. I refused the strong worded opinionated human and had them take their story of strong somewhere else.

In essence I told strong to move on and I felt my strength comeback to me.

walk in grace


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I do a lot of walking so I see a lot of things. I see the looks on peoples faces, I hear their conversations. I see which way they have their gaze. It feels like walking through everyone’s living room sometimes, I see too much. I have seen peoples private parts, yes I am talking walking on the street. I have seen bad looks in mean people’s eyes. I have seen lust filled eyes ogling boys, ogling girls. Wrapped in the arms of depression I am looking to see something and I am seeing something else. We are all lost, looking for something.

Sometimes we are looking for relief. Sometimes we are looking for the door. Either way to win in the perceived war of this time is to walk in grace. To walk in fear just makes matters worse.

Either we trust in the process we proclaim our faith in or we should shut our mouths and ride the waves of our fate given lives. To pretend in this day and age that we are victims of anything beyond our own limited minds is to state your immaturity. You are responsible for your life and your reactions to it, plain and simple.

The next step is remembering the higher power or vibration in charge of it all. We are all moving, what you see is not all you can get. When we choose to walk in grace then we walk with an invisible mantle that says, “Its all good, God’s got this.” Unfortunately we wear a mantle that proclaims our victimhood, “I don’t have this, my life is out of control” We think we can think ourselves out of our troubles, when all we need to do is continue to live our best lives and watch how our steps are led, whether in times of joy or strife.

Walking in grace is walking with the confidence in a higher power that not only has your back but allows you to fall flat on your face so you become bigger and better than you ever dreamed of. In whatever way you believe walk in that spirit, so others see how your path works for you.

Proclaim your faith by living your faith, do it by walking in grace!

pressing on


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Each day comes with its difficulties and we have the choice to press on. There was a time when pressing on wasn’t a statement but a battle cry,

Nothing can hold me back, I am pressing on no matter what!

I get tired of the ever popular “stay positive” phrase. At times there seems very little realism in such a phrase, there will be times when things will most definitely not be fine. But press on we must.

My son recently told me I taught him that if you didn’t have a security blanket to hold you in life you didn’t sit down, you kept pressing on. When there is no one to save you, you must save yourself. This can be the motivation behind the phrase pressing on.

I am doing it for myself. I am doing it for my family.

When we press on, we declare we are doing it, taking the lead in our life towards change. One step in front of the other, even a timid step is a step, we must keep on taking steps. We must keep pressing on when life gets heavy because we all know that a burden is easier to carry while moving than starting and stoping. Best to get there and set that burden down than trying to lift it up on your back everyday.

Understanding the principle of pressing on means you can’t get lost in failure and retrying is part of the pressing on motto. Don’t let fear stop you from anything you choose to do. Take bold steps towards your goals.

Keep on pressing on!

On being instead of doing


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These are tumultuous times! Problems with the environment natural disasters and the personal life of most of us is being thrown into the air. Its time to change people or like the hard wood you will be snapped. Its time to be like the bamboo, bendable, changeable, adaptable, surely you feel this. The old ways are just not going to do, we need new answers to old questions.

Like most, my life is in an in-between space, the one between my old life and the new budding one, to young to be its own, yet I must nurture what I do not know is coming. Change is in the air but so is chaos hard to read the signs. No wonder our bodies are a mess there are mixed messages running the airwaves. Where do we go for help? What do we do when we feel overwhelmed?

As a very mental person, I am always thinking, always thinking. On a walk recently I was out of my mind with an issue that has been plaguing me, the what do I do? It seems so trivial in a world with so much pain but every human going through a life changing life transformation is hurting in some way. Some in small ways, a little dissatisfaction with their present situation, others downright depressed over the oh my God of it all. What are we supposed to do?

If you know me you know I have conversations with God, like Jesus said when asked how do we pray, he said, pray like you are talking to your father, I talk to God in prayer. Lately the conversations have been heated as I feel desperate in my knowing that I’m not where I am supposed to be or doing what I am supposed to be doing, the feeling is undeniable.

In walks the idea of faith, faith is continually moving when you see nowhere to go. I am trying to walk in faith like I am held and lead, but my mind makes me a slave to the oh my God what am I supposed to be doing, over and over. So I say to God, I just don’t feel right, I just don’t feel like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing or I should be doing more, Oh my God please,

I get this message back, “What do you think I am doing out here? DO you think I worry about my work or where I am going to go? DO I worry about being in the right space, I am everything, everywhere. DO I plead to the heavens to be heard by my very creation? I, God do not have to do anything, nothing at all because I am being everything all of the time. Look at your arm, it says be still and know I am God,

so know I am God and doing it by being God.” Awesome!

Then we can go back to being human beings and not humans doing.

Let’s BE with God so God can Be with us.