What’s the point!


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I’m not sure what the point is anymore. I’ve been writing and writing and just like teaching if no one is getting it, why continue?

I see pain, I have gone through pain, the entire country is going through pain and yet everyone seems stuck in their own limited mind-set. It doesn’t matter what you say, nobody is listening. They can only hear their own voice because they are soooo right. So many people believe they are right. God only knows what is going on.

If everyone is right why are we in the shape we are in?

I just read that a first grader took a gun to school and it fired into the ground thank God. Yet gun control, no way, you can take my gun from my cold dead hand, which in the hand of a 6-year-old is entirely possible. They don’t know what that gun can do. You kill someone on a video game they get back up, they turn into zombies, they don’t die.. but you will if it’s aimed at you when it goes off.

There are negative racist remarks on the bathrooms of our schools, you know where we keep our precious children safe. There are grown ass adults spouting racist, prejudiced rhetoric everywhere, and we wonder why their children do?

TV is hard to watch, the news? what news… if these are the end times then I say speed it up.

I’m tired of war mongers, haters, people only interested in taking…

In my country the welfare of the people is dependent on the number of rich influential beings who may either profit or be harmed by what’s going on. For example the pipeline, let’s poison these people’s water , but not these people over here…

The entire teaching of we are one is so lost on the rich. The teaching we are our brother and sisters keeper, so lost on the rich. The teaching this land is your land this land is my land, so lost on the rich who would own everything and charge us for it…

But no one cares and woe be to you who do…

Sorry people I’m tired of it. What’s the point…

I’ll tell you what the point is, my family, my children, my grandchildren, my adopted people of all races, genders and faiths…

Come near them, and I’ll show you the point of staying the fu*k back…

That’s right its not funny anymore

testing mother’s love


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Just to be a part of the world right now is a mighty test to my mothering self.

I am a mother and grandmother, it is a job I stumbled into, many many moons ago. It is one I hold with pride, dignity, and it is and will be, hands down, the hardest job of my life. In every minute there is something happening to the kids or the grandkids, they are constantly testing my love. Asking for this, needing that, they are constantly testing my love.

Am I ok, not ok, Are you proud of me, Am I doing alright? We ask and ask because we want to know, Are we ok, Are we doing alright? They want to know. They are constantly testing my love.

Even in the dark days of horror and drugs and screaming and fighting I stood there, never moved, I am the mama, they were constantly testing my love.

In the sad days of loss and divorce and life will never be the same, I stood there never wavered, We are ok, we are doing alright! They were constantly testing my love.

When they were seperated from me by meanspirited behavior that sought to take me from my children, it was worse, they asked and asked, are we ok, are we doing alright? They were testing my love after I had been removed from them. I never wavered. I never moved. I was always right there. They needed to test my love.

So many years later and testing goes on, Are we ok, Are we doing alright? A mother’s job is never done and the testing of a mamas love unending, because I am an ocean. You can test me and push me, I am a force that can’t be moved easily, but I can easily move over you.

By pain or might I am a force that can’t be moved. I stand in the stead of the father who resides in the useen world, I see what they cannot. They are constantly testing my love because my love overflows for them and they can. They can test me and test me because…

It’s what I do to God, Are you there, am I ok, Am I doing alright?  I am constantly testing God’s love. As I am a mama containing infinite love I stand beside the one who has that same love for me, for as I am tested, I am testing and together we learn that we are protected, guided, and lead right where we need to be.

test my mothers love and I will wrap my big arms you and love you up, test me all you want, my love for you cannot be moved,

because the one I test has never let me down. I am held so I can hold you!

 

 

On being instead of doing


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These are tumultuous times! Problems with the environment natural disasters and the personal life of most of us is being thrown into the air. Its time to change people or like the hard wood you will be snapped. Its time to be like the bamboo, bendable, changeable, adaptable, surely you feel this. The old ways are just not going to do, we need new answers to old questions.

Like most, my life is in an in-between space, the one between my old life and the new budding one, to young to be its own, yet I must nurture what I do not know is coming. Change is in the air but so is chaos hard to read the signs. No wonder our bodies are a mess there are mixed messages running the airwaves. Where do we go for help? What do we do when we feel overwhelmed?

As a very mental person, I am always thinking, always thinking. On a walk recently I was out of my mind with an issue that has been plaguing me, the what do I do? It seems so trivial in a world with so much pain but every human going through a life changing life transformation is hurting in some way. Some in small ways, a little dissatisfaction with their present situation, others downright depressed over the oh my God of it all. What are we supposed to do?

If you know me you know I have conversations with God, like Jesus said when asked how do we pray, he said, pray like you are talking to your father, I talk to God in prayer. Lately the conversations have been heated as I feel desperate in my knowing that I’m not where I am supposed to be or doing what I am supposed to be doing, the feeling is undeniable.

In walks the idea of faith, faith is continually moving when you see nowhere to go. I am trying to walk in faith like I am held and lead, but my mind makes me a slave to the oh my God what am I supposed to be doing, over and over. So I say to God, I just don’t feel right, I just don’t feel like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing or I should be doing more, Oh my God please,

I get this message back, “What do you think I am doing out here? DO you think I worry about my work or where I am going to go? DO I worry about being in the right space, I am everything, everywhere. DO I plead to the heavens to be heard by my very creation? I, God do not have to do anything, nothing at all because I am being everything all of the time. Look at your arm, it says be still and know I am God,

so know I am God and doing it by being God.” Awesome!

Then we can go back to being human beings and not humans doing.

Let’s BE with God so God can Be with us.

 

the art of sacrifice


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I have been trying to understand the difficulties of my life in a different way, through a different lens. Frankly if I don’t do something my head is going to blow off. I’ve had enough. Every time I turn around lately something is going on that threatens to derail my peace, over and over again, my peace is invaded either with negative thoughts or images and all due to the horror in our world. So many people are suffering! But it seems to me there is no way to get through life with any sense of reality unless we understand suffering and sacrifice.

I’ve been hearing  for a while now and frankly I feel the same way about, how hard everything is right now. How hard life is, how hard it is to have a child, how hard it is to hold our families together. While no one said life would be easy and that having a child is a pathway filled with bliss I don’t think any one anticipates the many pitfalls along the path meant to trip our children up. I believe that having a child is the most difficult job there is and for most, the one they are least qualified for. It’s a forever job, a real sacrifice.

Many spiritual story’s speak of a being that comes, bringing wisdom, bearing a light into the ignorance of darkness and in the end has to sacrifice so that light may reign and the promise of prosperity rules. This same story can play out in our homes when our parents sacrifice so that the children may thrive. To have children is the highest blessing and draws to you a constant stream of sacrifice you must swim in.

In a contrived world of “let’s stay positive” and “everything is coming up roses” is the need of a reality check. Being positive is amazing but living with a veil over your eyes doesn’t help you or anyone around you. Having the strength to live a life of constant sacrifice is a high spiritual teaching and the only true road of growth and sometimes it’s not a positive place. There is no love without sacrifice and until you truly love someone you will not get this. Like many women know, we will lift cars off our children if we need too.

When we take children on we must fully understand the nature of the sacrifice.

When we choose a career over family we must understand the sacrifice. When we choose any one thing over another we must understand the sacrifice. It is where most people trip up. Unable to move, unable to choose, unwilling to fall, unwilling to fail, chaos has to move our antipathy. To change and move towards the best version of ourselves is to sacrifice what comforts we embraced and exchanged for our excellence. We either sacrifice for our wants and needs or we are sacrificed for someone else’s, that of course is your choice. But there is no love without sacrifice.

Do a mental check and find your self-imposed sacrifices. Make sure you are not putting your self on some cross of martyrdom, it’s your life be in charge of it. But let me say this about choosing to raise children or be a support staff for a handicapped individual, do your best job, know and understand the level of the sacrifice asked of you, be a grown up and do your job.

I know the level of dedication it takes to be a mother and a partner plus trying to be a complete “you” but there is such a small amount of time that is given to make a lasting positive affect on someone who needs and counts on you. Learn that true sacrifice is seen by the unseen world as you doing the work of Creator, loving without limits and desires for reward. Did you thank God for that last breath, how about that one? God’s love is a constant sacrifice given to us.

Be a student of God’s love. Practice loving everything. Love without limits and sacrifice your ego to the altar of your family. Be who they need you to be. Ask yourself is someone suffering in your family? If so sacrifice some time and offer it to them with a great big smile.

When you sacrifice in love of your family you will be surrounded by a light that will protect you and lead you right where you need to go. And that’s awesome!

 

 

let’s talk about unconditional love


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There is a lot of “I love you” talk in spiritual circles. A lot of people feel the use of these 3 words can be uttered with little to no regard. Throwing around the phrase like pearls before swine. When we saw we love someone we better be saying it in the spirit it was meant.

Because if you cannot back up the phrase with the unconditional love you are exclaiming then maybe you need to reconsider the use of the phrase. We are so quick to use and reuse words until they lose their power and meaning, us pretending to be awakened when we say things without thinking. I think there is also a misconception that the world of God is a democracy. God is not asking you how you feel about certain things he/she desires, God is insisting on recognition that God is the creator of all.

Love thy neighbor as thyself, see God in everything and in every teaching. When we understand the power of these sayings we will surrender and love those around us as we are called on to do, and importantly, we will love ourselves. Love our neighbors as ourself was a directive of God’s.

Few of us love ourselves unconditionally. Do we think we are not heard by the still small voice we refuse to listen to? Every slanderous thought towards the self is a slanderous thought towards the creator who gave us the breath of life. Might want to check yourself. If God created you and gave you the breath of life then you can take that to mean you are loved by the creator who created you.

But as a whole we feel unloved, un-cherished, unseen by God. It is only because we choose to love that which is outside our self rather than searching within our own heart for the truth that resides in there. We can only know God when we turn within.

Meditation turns us in towards ourselves, so that we may revel in the gift of life that has been given to us by our creator. So that we may remember that there is a mysterious force animating our world and our being. Being grateful allows us to ride with this force not push against it. Unconditional love allows us to be healers of our own life.

When we feel grateful for our life and to the creator who created it, we change our perception of the world around us. When we have love for the creator who created us, we will stop killing the other creations God has made whether in thought, word or deed.

Having gratitude is the understanding of unconditional love. I was given breath and so were you and you and you, must be something creator wanted with us all. There is to much going on for us to think it a coincidence that we just happened upon the path of life. We are on a ride of life and the more grateful the better the ride.

We have to be grateful because we will never be able to fully understand the story of life. What looks horrible today maybe fine tomorrow. Look up at the night sky its filled with an infinite number of stars, this is a big, big world, in a big universe, inside another universe, moving towards and with other universes heading who knows where directed by who knows what.

Unconditional love and maintaining unconditional love towards life puts you on the river of life. Conditional love will push you under because judgement is heavy and heavy gets pushed down. Stop judging and start loving. Love is the force that will lighten your load, unconditional love will heal your heart.

Learn to love the way you truly desire to be loved. Allow everyone to be who they are so you may be who you truly are. Figure out that unconditional love is the game, all other games are being finished as it has been determined that love is the answer.

You yourself cannot be filled with love if you believe that anyone else cannot be loved by the force that is God. Unconditional love is the love of God. God is love. Period, end of sentence.