Whose voice is that?


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Most of us would venture to say we are in control of our lives but truth be told everyone is held hostage by the voice in their head. Unknowing to them they are lead around like a dog on a leash to feel certain things when certain things are said, to react a certain way when certain things happen. We may have a great sense of justice constantly correcting ourselves or others, but the nagging interior voice may be completely different making you feel bad about everything you do or don’t do, say or don’t say.

Even the most assured person you see is dealing with a voice that is trying to mess them up, trip them up and lead them astray. We come onto the planet innocent little children but soon we are overwhelmed with the truth of our situation, and innocence disappears as survival becomes the game. The voice in our head can be helpful giving us the support we need in a tight spot, but left to its own devices that voice would rather chase you down the road to negativity-ville.  “Shut up and keep your head down”, it says.

I started my spiritual path when my life just became to hard to handle on my own. I needed more than that voice telling me I was never going to make it, or be it, I was doomed for failure. The voice changes tone and frequency depending on how well you feel or how much you are serving your false self. You know this one, dressed for work, the voice, “you wearing that?” You work hard for a meeting or project and that voice,”this is not going to work” The voice when not in check is certainly checking us.

I have grown weary of a voice in my head that just reappeared. It’s the voice of fear, the one that comes just as you are moving in a new direction, establishing new habits or growth of any kind. It’s the voice that says, “who do you think you are?” A long time friend that bitch voice, always talking in my ear sometimes in the voice of husbands, parents, sisters, brothers, that voice can be any bodies voice but it is going after me, making me feel bad. As if my dreams aren’t good enough to follow, like I don’t have something to say, like my opinion doesn’t matter, that I am no body going no where, who do you think you are…

In spirituality you learn that to be a follower is not the answer, it’s a stepping stone to help establish new habits but you must be in control of your own life. The voice in your head was put there as a support system, “you go girl” but some where along the line that voice lost itself and began taking over and becoming a vehicle the darkness can use on every one of us, because we all have that voice, we hear that voice, we listen to that voice inside of us.

Stop doing it! Take control of it! That is what meditation is all about, learning how to quiet that voice, taking back control of the thinking mind and making it your servant rather than your master. You can use breathe work and counting, or chanting, to help control your thoughts. Just focus on your inhale and exhale until the voice quiets or come up with a short phrase and say it over and over, especially loud when the negative voice is doing its work. Over time you can learn to control it. It’s worth it, that voice is not the boss of you! You are the boss of that voice! And as you grow in spiritual strength that voice becomes the still quiet voice that has been there all along.

resetting the clock


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We humans are experiencing burn-out. Its hot, the world is on fire and it’s making everything difficult. Tempers are flaring with the temperature and without tending to ourselves we will get hot under the collar spewing the excess heat accumulated in our souls on everyone we meet. Like the trash can, we too need to be emptied and frankly it needs to be done everyday. It stinks when we don’t empty the kitchen trash it’s no different in the human vessel. Leave the trash of negativity inside the body and boy, the smell.

If we haven’t yet discovered the true reason to meditate, then we ourselves are not emptying the trash and are accumulating ideas and experiences that are sitting on top of each other. Sometimes this mishmash of thoughts and ideas just don’t gel and you have a stinky mess inside of you holding you down or back. We need to reset our clocks, clean out the trash, start with a fresh view of our life and what’s happening. Some many of us are stuck.

Stuck is not realistic, nor a place to stay. But we see it all of the time. I can’t leave my husband, my job needs me, my mom, my dad, my kids my dog, you name it and it’s the reason we must stay stuck, you know, for them. Being stuck is a famous trick of that being who hopes you will sit down in your misery and pick up your pointer finger looking for someone to blame.

So easy to blame someone, anyone, the times, the sky, my lunch, sorry baby its all designed as the lesson that will push you over the edge of blaming everything and back towards reason. We get stuck in old stuff and we fall as we refuse to get what we are here to learn. The rejection of our life lessons leads to the fall, off our rocker, out of reason, towards being a victim.

With a firm meditation practice and true spiritual belief, when you are falling, the hope is that you will reach for your tools, remember what you know, and at the very least, scream out for God. We must reset our own clock, fix our own issues, deal with ourselves, it is after all our life. In that moment of realizing just how much work it is to be you that needing to control everything and everyone around you will stop and you will get down to work.

The sunrise for me is the sign of see, its brand new day. It resets my clock. How do I hold on to my crap when the sun comes to burn the remnants of yesterday away, sweeping my mind of clutter making room for the potential of this new day. How does the sun get to work for us if we keep dragging yesterday into today?

Take responsibility for accepting the fact that yesterday is gone, this new sunrise is this fresh new day. Use the sunrise and turn your face towards it, let it pour its light into you. It’s no joke just how powerful keeping the image and feeling of the sun inside of you is. Its mighty that sun, and over time you will feel its mightiness. Remember, that which you constantly have on your mind will filter through your thoughts and move down into your reality. My life sucks, and so it does. Keep saying the sun shines in me and on me and it will.

The sun shines on us everyday, cloudy or not. Spend a few minutes with the early sun and use it to help let go of yesterday. Then be the presence of the sun for those around you, shine so great that they will not want to rehash their past with you. You will be the presence that makes them want to shine, telling good stories, uplifting stories.

Daily mediation will take whininess out of your life. The sun is not into whininess it shines to bright for that. If you want a life that is uplifting for yourself and others then pull that sun right down into your chest and imagine it sitting inside you shining on everyone. The moon comes and goes, it helps us maintain balance but to much and you can’t get yourself up and you may finds yourself down. The sun is uplifting all the way through the day. It’s setting energy  is also a powerful thing, think on it. It takes a long time for the sun light to be extinguished and the sky to get completely dark, it stays with us just being the boss of the dark.

Because truthfully the sun doesn’t set, we the Earth turn away from it. That sun is shining every minute of everyday for more years than any of us can imagine. The sun doesn’t darken or leave, we turn away from it. So reset your clock by facing the sunrise in the morning giving thanks for the life giving sun. Clean out your trash by meditating. Let the hot rays of the sun burn yesterday right out of you so today can be a new day, a great day, or at the very least a day you have your eyes wide open through it.

God bless the sun, and God bless you!

constantly tested


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We as humans walking on this planet are being constantly tested. Every minute, while we walk, drive, breath, think, be, work, we are being constantly tested. Every minute the decisions we make influence the following minutes, so the constant testing can cause results to happen right away, or later when you least expect it. Every action you take is causing a reaction of some kind, every time you are reacting to something, you are causing another action somewhere, that is causing a reaction somewhere else, endless and endless testing, and it all looks like life.

The reason to have some kind of spiritual practice is to keep physical life from looking like the end all be all of what’s up. If you sink into the lie of reality then you will never succeed at life the way you could have. Life is a game and the more you know the rules you can turn the game in your favor but as in all games there will be surprises, cheating, heroes, villains and happy endings and tragedies beyond your wildest imaging. That’s just gives you a taste of the power and potential of life.

When we let fear block us, and consume us, then we become the robots on the planet whose life is in service to the ones playing the game. Is that what you want? Do you want to be of service to the game of life by being a bit character to someone else’s drama? And you can, and most do, all movies need bit players, support actors, producers and directors just like life, but fantasy style. In a movie you can make anything real. Hmmm, isn’t that the same in life?

Allowing yourself to open to life and its constant testing allows you to open and grow to be able to handle large flows of energy which opens you for greater life experiences on the physical level. But be clear, be careful of what you ask for, as an increase of life is an increase in the attention of the dark as balance is an ever seeking force. To conquer the dark is to be fiercely unafraid of life, then like the bible passage says, with God for us, who can stand against us? Allow the sorrows of life to run over your back staying neutral eyes wide open to truth, you will still get heart-broken but through the wisdom of truth, the tears are quick as understanding brings peace.

When we feel like God has its mighty eye on us and its one thing after another, test after test, “…enough already!”, you scream into the heavens, know that it’s a testing ground to see just how much can you take and how strong is your faith. Our power is developed through the tragedies of our life, heroes are not born there are made, anyone can be a hero. Just as anyone can have a successful life, and a bountiful life. The price of such a life is the foundation that was built on hard work and long nights, many tears, lots of fears, but you kept on keeping on.

It’s a choice how we act, this is how we enact our free will. It is equally how we show our growth and our willingness to be a player not a thing to be played with. Make the tough choices, stay with your decisions, remaking them through dedication and wisdom. The better able we are to make the tough choices, to do the right thing when the other is so much easier. To stay sober, when you don’t want, to not eat when you do want, to cry when you need to, and not scream because you want to, so much testing.

Never under-estimate the power of the experiences you are surrounded in right now. Look hard at them and choose to tackle the tough choices, make the right choice, for you, not anyone else, there is no passing of a test when no choice was made. We must pass the test, through victory not avoidance. Take your testing like an adult and allow personal growth to be your true aim, not your ego’s wish for ease and fame.

Ok, now go, and face your fears, get back to work, and let’s get on with bringing the light first place in our lives. Having a spiritual practice allows you somewhere to go when it gets tough and unseen helping hand when you need one, reach for it…

Life


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One of the biggest misconception in life is the idea that your life is your own and that you are actually in charge. We are very egotistical people and often can’t see what is passing before our eyes. We see what we want to see and feel how we want to feel and pretty much do what we want to do. And if things aren’t going well, we love to complain about our lives.

We will push our systems to the limit by eating a crappy diet, not drink enough water or simply not get enough rest but when we get sick or feel like crap over our broken down body we start looking for someone to blame. You pushed your body and now your body is pushing you. Off to the drug store! But they don’t sell fix my mood, or lift this depression pills over the counter, you need a doctor for those.

The same things that will make you sick physically will also make you sick mentally and while we will try to manage physical symptoms we never think about dealing with the mental mess. My Dad had chronic stomach pain, and digestive issues, nearly every year I lived with him, he also had a terrible anger management problem. He was angry all the time. He thought it was because the entire world was made up of idiots that had to be yelled at to do a good job. It never occurred to him, his mother or his wife, that his chronic stomach issues, that he constantly complained about, were related to his constant and steady anger.

Or think about the many stories there are of women caught in the madness of “the change” as it use to be called. Think of hormonal imbalances in women who have no idea what a hormonal imbalance is, most think she is crazy because one minute she is up and the next she is down. Really how many people have been heavily medicated over issues that were related to something else. Our bodies are like machines that have certain maintenance requirements for steady service. And a breakdown in one system can be related to a problem in a different system.

When we do not take car care of the car the car will break down on us, if we don’t take care of the body it will not take care of us. Right now, can you take in a deep breath without coughing? Can you bend and reach your toes? Can you stand on one foot easily? Are you in charge of your mind, or do obsessive thoughts plague you? Do you have pain? Everything that you think you are “dealing” with is something that will simply grow into a bigger problem if the underlying issue is not being tended to. The body is hardcore like that. It will give you what you ask for until the day it can’t and on that day you won’t just be changing the battery!

These bodies were given to us. You woke up one day and looked in the mirror and there you were, but you came from somewhere and when you leave you will be going somewhere, obviously something is in charge of this game called life. We are players on the planet just as the animals. We are under a constant threat of natural disasters, and radical environmental changes, just like the animals. But as humans we were given the thinking brain that was to go above and beyond the instinct brain to the active participation of life brain, rolling with the changes rather than rolled over by them. Figuring out what works and what doesn’t.

Why are we constantly recreating the wheel? Or better yet when did people start thinking they could get away with stuff?

Our body is the vessel we are playing the game of life in and we are in charge of taking care of it. As players of the game we learn the rules and try to stay alive but as in any game there is an entire underworld at play trying to throw us off our game and take over our lives. When we are not consciously in charge of ourselves there is another power(your subconscious animal self) that will take over and do your job. To win at life is to stay as conscious as you can, as much as you can, through the entire day, week, month, year, consciousness is the goal.

From a place of consciousness comes the connection to that that is more than the small nature of the minds of men.It is the creative current that sustains life. As humans it is time to redefine what it is to live a successful life.

Everyday is another change to start again.

Dealing with days after death


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Time is the only thing that moves the sting of death. The further one is from the date of the tragedy the further the remembrance of the impact the tragedy produced. We as humans are asked to go through many challenging events, death is but one of them.

We are often tested by virtue of circumstances like war separating the men from the boys and girls from the women. Other times its something that happen’s hitting us close to home. A death or great tragedy in a family brings out the survivor, the victim, the teacher, and the follower. It will bring out the worst in us or the best in us but most of us need the tragedy to turn on the hero or see the tyrant within us. Tragedies are meant to stir this teaching that we are greater than the small-mindedness of our beliefs and we have the chance to grow and change everyday and sometimes we will be pushed.

The days after a great loss or death are filled with the sorrow of those around us. We come together to share memories and stories and sometimes a shoulder to help bear hearing the story again under hushed whispers. These are important days and must be shared with reverence but the real work of loss is found in the days when others can return to a “normal” life and you cannot. They go back to a before and you are now stuck in the after.

The empty days after the tragedy are fraught with too much time for thinking and rethinking, finger-pointing and guilty flag waving. And some must be expected as our human emotions left unleashed do unleash the torrent of sadness and anger left behind but not played out. Why did you do that to us?, we are left to ask, no one…

Faith is tested and we need to help stand next to the wobbly, next to those God is testing the most. Do not so easily walk away from someone who has experienced a tragedy. They may be strong in your eyes but behind closed doors we are all human. We are meant to learn all the hard lessons God thrusts onto us whether we want to or not. It is through community a person can gather the strength of remembering what is forgotten in the darkness of disbelief and despair. Being a spiritual warrior is to be present when someone needs you, not when its convenient for you.

Be true to your sister or brother who has experienced a tragedy and be like a mighty oak unwavering in your support. Though we will never know the mind of a God who allows us to be penetrated by the greatest of tragedies we can have solace in knowing there is no love without sacrifice.

If our hearts are involved in the pain of the teaching, or the lesson we are surrounded in then you can guarantee God’s hand in it. There is no sacrifice without love, if it is happening to you it does prove God’s love. We, in our finite understanding of love will sacrifice for our loved ones so how much greater is the sacrifice made by the creator of the universe for us. The more you hold to the teaching that you cannot know God at all if you do not see God in all makes every experience part of the all of God. Everything comes from the all. Everything seeks to return to the all.

Some just chose to leave way to soon…

 

More tragedy, more faith


I have not written in a while because my heart is broken from events that occurred within one months time. The last time I wrote it was about the death of my father. He had struggled with some physical issues and was tired of living in a body that he couldn’t get to work with him anymore. He didn’t want a less than life, so he chose death.

It was hard when he told me he wanted to die we had just reconnected after 3 years and I had hoped he would see the worth of living to be of help to his grandchildren and great grand children. He didn’t, he didn’t want to fight for his life, he was done fighting. That was a hard moment. I walked him through death like I did my mother and certainly thought that would be enough sustaining heartbreak for a while.

and then…

My eldest son embroiled in a terrible situation was sentenced to jail over an incident with his wife and the tragedy of their story is falling out around the shoulders of my grandson who I haven’t seen in months and whose mother will make sure that I don’t, because she is mad at my son. Their tragedy bleeds into my life but my heart bleeds for my son and for the grandson who has become a victim to the selfishness of parents. That was less than a month after Dad died.

But almost to the month of Dads death was the greater tragedy and that was the sudden death of my infant grandson Oliver.

My daughter calls me distraught and I think my son has done something awful or he is dead, it was neither, it was her son, her baby, it was my grandson, my baby grandson, he had died in his sleep. Falling to your knees becomes the only response.

What is it to keep your head up when all it wants to do is fall? My heart is broken and my family nearly destroyed. And God has now got a target on his back in the eye of my daughter. Where is your God? They ask me, how can I have faith in this moments, why would God do that to us, to her? It goes beyond the pale and there is no answer at all. There is no understanding the mind of God.

As a matter of fact we don’t even get asked, we are just to deal with it. The gnashing of teeth, the screaming until your hoarse does nothing but prolong the pain. There is no rhyme nor reason,  we are not allowed to know why these things happen or we would. We are forced to stand with the weight of the tragedy on our shoulders being the strength everyone needs to see.

My daughter couldn’t lay down and die after her baby did because her daughter is still alive. I couldn’t get distraught because it was my daughters loss, she needed my strength. We can’t get lost in the darkness of despair though the door to depression and sorrow is standing opening begging us to go through it. What does not kill us actually does make us stronger.

What moves us forward is the next day, it’s not that you want to move on you have to. It’s not that faith sustains us it’s that unwavering faith in a higher power in charge is the only thought that makes sense. The order in the universe serves as a reminder that there is indeed a higher force, higher than the mind of any human, that is making the world go around.

The force is not personally trying to hurt us, things happen. Sometimes we are instigating these things to happen and sometimes people are thrusting their stuff on us and it makes things happen, (that we do not want!), it is our ego that believes we are in control, and we are not. The best we can do is to stay in the lane marked God’s will, God’s world.

I am a peon on this planet and a person who lives my spirituality in a real world way, it’s not fairy dust world, dealing with God gets ugly and my world just got ugly. But I won’t throw God out with the bath water. I will see God in every moment in every act, I will work to see the unseen, I will remind myself there is no comprehending the mind of God and we are all small peons on this planet, all at the mercy of forces beyond our control.

Best to stand under the shadow of the most powerful force there is, call it what you want, but when God starts cracking my skull open I get down on my knees and pray. If God wants to tear my life open and watch me bleed again… then bleed I will. Eventually God will release me and peace will be restored. You can count on that!

fit in, don’t speak, watch what you say, or…


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A marina in Zurich or a boat parking lot. All we see are different boats near each other, no one boat stands out. All of them are various examples of the word boat. I feel the same about car parking lots, a bunch of cars together no one car stands out. Just like a crowd of people, bunches of people hanging around each other, no one person stands out.

Different are the fancy. The fancy boats are hanging with the other fancy boats, and the fancy cars are valet-ed away from everybody else’s not so fancy car. Same as all the Vip lounges across the world over, the special fancy people do not like to mingle with the not so special fancy people. The mingling of the people leads to the mind field of Facebook commentators, a sea of opinionated people hiding among everyone. They like to mingle online everywhere with everyone, just sitting on their computer with their spoon of terror ready to stir the pot.

Those who hide behind the skirts of everyone’s computer screen are stalking us all. Punishing someone for spelling wrong, not getting the joke, wearing the wrong clothes, weighing too much or not enough, they sit in judgement of everything we do or say. They make fun of this group, they expose that group, nothing is sacred, nothing is off-limits. If they need a picture they will steal one, if they need a different identity they take one. The world of the internet is their oyster and we are the pried open shells.

There are those who still believe that change occurs because we want it to or it should because its right, just don’t understand the laws put in place to run the universe. Fairness is not part of the laws. Every cause begets a result, as above so below, everything is vibrating, it all about the laws. When we work with the laws things work when we work outside of the laws we are getting our asses kicked and we may not even know why.

They say there is safety in numbers but that’s only if you want to be a sheep or part of any herd. Not me baby, lone wolf. I will get my opinions from my intelligence and not because joe blow said so.

We must put our conscious mind to work but that can only happen when we think for ourselves and not turn into robots spouting someone else’s word. We must use the sword of our tongue in a righteous way or that same forked tongue sword is coming after us. The world is a mind field of the ignorant and you will learn to either to keep your head down so as not to be noticed or you will become a leader. Powerful in your thought word and deed.

Funny how after all this time, all the advantage that the internet has offered people still struggle with what is the truth. You can only find the truth through your heart. You can read words you can hear words but only your heart will tell you if those words are truth. Divinity is simplicity, it’s either the truth or it is not.

The need to dominate is a real threat to humanity unless you engage your own inner master and access the strength lying dormant within most of us. Jesus wasn’t called a shepherd for no reason, humanity has constantly needed the guidance of a shepherd. But with so many sheep a few more shepherds are in order but more importantly I think is the wisdom of the world teacher who said, “these things and more will you do in the name of the father who sent me…” I think he meant humanity would one day remember that God made us in the image of the creator not so we could be victims of life but victors, co-creators of our own reality.

That’s a powerful statement

Let’s talk about the word God for a minute…


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The light in this church is a great representation of God. The light itself falls over everything and anyone. It does not choose based on race, gender or how much money you have, the light shines.

We are all very confused over the idea of God, or whatever you want to call the higher power that is running the universe.

As you know I am traveling and the one thing I have begun to ask people, is there take on God or religion. Frankly it is amazing how many people simply do not believe in a God, or a higher power of any kind. We are simply on a spinning planet having risen out of the muck, waiting to see what’s going to happen next. Wow!

I am often told to watch how I use the word God and in many of the places I teach they moved to the words, universe, light, creator(same to me), architect of the universe, just so we don’t say the word God because I guess some of you don’t want to hear it. Well let me tell you how I see it and then you can decide if there is a need to get so up in arms, over a word.

I was raised in a born again environment, harsh beliefs, believe it or you went to hell kind of thing, didn’t make sense then, doesn’t make sense now. Really this powerful God has a temper, and is judgmental to non-believers and anyone who would think to die before being saved. Oh and that entire God’s chosen people thing… SO we have all been put here but only some of us are God’s chosen, please people, it doesn’t make sense!

I learned that God can be defined in 3 aspects, G-generating, O-organizing, D- destroying, God was not a person after all, thank you God. God is a force, a verb, not a noun. God is not and has never been your ‘father’ but God is your creator, different story…

When we look at God as a force then we understand that learning and working with the Divine Spiritual Wisdom that explains the laws of the universe, its working, and how we are influenced by everything around us, makes so much sense. It is a force, a moveable force, that is directing us, moving through us, and it is more than the mass that makes up our physical body it is also that which makes us, us. We are also a force living inside a physical vessel. We are animated bodies, not just vessels, we have the capacity for thought, consciousness, God in action all of that outside of our bodies.

The G-O-D words or the principle behind the word God allows us the knowing that we cannot understand the force called God. We will not ever understand the need to destroy in order to recreate, none of us wants to see death at the hands of evil or death by natural disaster it is too hard for us, yet it is part of the GOD force. We all know the new can only come at the destruction of what was.

When we understand that God is a force then we can learn to work with the force, it can be a feel good thing, and we can feel this great force around us, you know the chills you get sometimes when your lover is near, or the sudden awareness that something is up, that is the force of God working with you.

The cool thing is, the force of God is completely unconditional and available for everyone, headscarf, bald head, on your knees,  or silently praying every minute, or ignoring it altogether. This force is available and frankly effecting us all. The wind on your face, the sun in the sky, the pull of the moon, the repeating cycles of nature, are all sure signs of an organized universe given to us, for our comfort and growth. Not just yours, everyone’s.

Its time to get away from the label thing or even the trying to name things beyond our comprehension thing, some things we will never understand, ask the quantum physics guys, some things are just miraculous, ask doctors, nurses and every mother who has ever given birth. But to think we humans are it, when the GOD force is defined as infinite, then we as finite creatures will always have a hard time understanding it. But when we open ourselves to our own infinite nature, given to us by the animating force of the universe, you know G-generating, O-orginizing, D-destroying God, then we will one day all be on the same page of the book of life, knowing without a doubt that we are the GOD force’s children after all.

People being people


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Could be anywhere on the planet. There is no context for you to decide whether you ‘like’ these people or not. They walk upright, head over the shoulders, feet on the ground, just people.

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People smiling and friendly. Living life where they are. What makes us so afraid of “others”? We all want to eat, we all want love, we all want to be ok…

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Workers in the kitchen of any restaurant anywhere. Just people being people, people working hard for their currency. What is it about the way we believe, or love that makes us believe that they are others and we are people? Why is the idea we are all people so hard for people to swallow?

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I think in the end while there is a portion of the world’s people dead set on owning, and controlling everything, there are still many people just trying to have the best life possible. As I travel I see that to be true. Praise God!

On the road again!


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I am traveling for the next 2 weeks. I am taking my book and CD to Europe and I get to teach in Prague. I am in a state of gratitude as I see life at work. Right now I am sitting in my hotel room in Paris gazing out my window. I am looking at history while reviewing mine.

Mine has been a long game. I am not even sure I saw the half time show or which one of my stories would have been considered a half way through the bull shit story. But as a think on it my life has finally taken that turn away from the horror and on to the road of awesome. Don’t be fooled it took a lot of work.

Each of us has stories that propel us through life. It’s how it goes because face it, none of us would sign on for a difficult life even though we know there is no growth without pain. I would venture to guess that many of us would get in the “that is enough of this growing bullshit” line if we could find it. But life is about growth and the intelligent person figures it out as soon as possible. Let’s take my insomnia for instance.

I have had insomnia since I can remember, it runs in my family. It is the “you people think to much” part of the family dynamic…hmmm, anyway I can remember going to bed when the kids were small and wanting to blow the world apart because I couldn’t get to sleep.The slightest thing would wake me up and boy oh boy it better not have been you. I would lie there fuming, I had to get up the next morning, I had kids, a job, school. I would lament the loss of my sleep, over and over. Napping was not an option. There was no time for naps, it was just fatigue all the time. Now as I write this it seems it didn’t kill me, this horrifying how am I going to live without sleep thing. Apparently it was a pain in my ass but not life threatening, sorry kids! Fast forward 35 years and funny thing about being on a 24 hour clock is that it makes international travel a breeze. I’m up all the time.

God has blessed us with the ability to gain wisdom through every experience, even the seemingly ridiculous. We have to know and remember that we are always going through phases and they will pass as the next phase comes into play. Our children grow up and move on. We won’t be dragging their asses out of bed for long though it may seem like forever. Things will change. We will (hopefully)change. Things in our life will change(guaranteed) as well; jobs, partners and we may never have to be any where at any time ever again. One day the life you were living will be gone and the one dreamed of will be yours. Unless you were dreaming a nightmare and then well, your life will be a nightmare. Keep your eye on the ball. The best reason to do spiritual work.

Time is an interesting mistress that most people refuse to tend to properly. If you get the long game; raising children, higher education, aiding someone through illness or learning, or just being trapped in a difficult situation, you will understand that some things in life take time to acquire and/or fix. Learning Divine Spiritual Wisdom, the Laws of Nature, understanding what is affecting us goes a long way in helping us to master life not to mention get out of hard situations. We don’t get to have knowledge because we want it, it must be acquired just like experience. But once we have it is ours!!!

Be less hard on yourself, you have no idea what is coming around the corner. You also have no idea that what you are learning to handle and negotiate through your now daunting horrifying experiences is what will change the outcome of your long game. I have wanted to travel and teach since I knew it was a thing. I love to travel and I love to teach people how to see and deal with their lives differently. But during the years when my insomnia was kicking my ass I couldn’t see past the glaring clock in my room. It was simply a training ground for later not a torture set up to piss me off, again sorry kids, and maybe an ex-husband or 2. Hahahahahaha!IMG_1697

It’s true if you let it be true, time can heal all wounds!