Anchor of Hope

Anchor of Hope

I stopped writing some time ago, why bother? What difference does it make?

My life was derailed years ago and I have been swimming like hell to get back to some kind of shore. And I see a lot of people out here swimming the waters of “OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME” with me. It seems we have become fish in a barrel to what ever feels the need to point a gun in our general direction, are we safe? What is life about now when we have stopped feeling safe in our surroundings? Safe in any sense of the word.

As a spiritual teacher I have looked around and watched the teachings fail us. Why are we in such a mess? So, I put myself and my work on hold. I needed a different teaching than everything is going to be ok, please! those people and their platitudes make me want to hit something. Have you seen the level of suffering that is going on? What can be done? What can we as a single person do to help? Is it all lost until this apparent fall is finished and the old guard dead?

Hopeless is how it feels!

But maybe that’s ok, maybe the old guard needs to die. Maybe what we are feeling is the death of the old world and its greedy humanity hating ways. Maybe it has to be a painful death so that light can begin to enter into the minds of men again. To bring humanity to the brink of extension, giving us all a near death experience especially to awaken the walking dead.

What we have to be careful of is the hopelessness of watching the worst of humanity struggle to keep in control dowsing us with a daily dose of negativity and back bending fear. Tragedy after tragedy can make a person turn their head away from the suffering of their brother or sister. “I’m only one person what can I do”, said way to often…

In the words of Jack Nicolson as the Joker in the first batman, this world needs an enema…

because as a humanity we are full of shit…

First rule of change, be the change you are looking for

Want to be peaceful in a non peaceful world, be peaceful at all costs.

Want to be loving in a non loving world, be loving at all costs.

Want to have hope in a hopeless world, be hopeful at all costs.

Last night, another sleepless night of never ending oh my God, What now? What next? the endless supplications to what feels like a unhearing God… I decided to listen to a podcast of Joel Osteen, I know so many people hate on this man, but I’ll tell you he loves God more than most do, anyway… he was talking about anchoring in hope,

here comes the God talk but listen to it this way… faith is the hope of things to come, faith needs hope, do you get that? If you claim you have faith, then you best be anchored in hope. In this easiest terms it means if you are steeping in fear like a used tea bag, you have lifted your anchor from hope, its trailing behind you like a tail not an anchor…

When life bogs you down with any kind of weighted personal issue and you have begun lamenting it, you have let your anchor go and you will find your self drifting back to hopeless ocean,

Open your eyes, see where you are and put your anchor back down.

Keep your anchor in check. Keep your anchor moored to hope. If you believe in a higher power then leave your anchor next to your God and quit flailing around like you don’t know, because you do know…

God is always there! Its you that moves around and forgets.

Anchor in Hope!

 

messages for the push


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There are times in life when the cheer leading squad of your world gets busy or is uplifting someone else, you can beg and plead with your God or the universe for a kind word and the silence will be deafening! I mean the screaming sound of nothing can take your breath away. It is the loneliest feeling, needing something you can’t find or reach for yourself. Yet, what do we learn, the strength you need to get through your sh*t is inside of you.There is inside of all of us a self-regulating monitor of love and support which can be activated if you quit looking for a source outside of yourself. The great power of the universe is inside of you. When we scream in frustration sometimes it’s because we know, we need to do something. Crying into the wind only can do so much…

So here are some push notifications to use when you need to remind yourself of the power in YOU

  1. You are unique. The world seemingly desires consistency between us humans, all the same wonderful weight and degree of success. But that level of sameness will burn the world out. We were made unique, a single vortex of creative energy that can suck a room dry with its neediness, or swirl in its wonder becoming everything you were meant to be. So stop trying to be “them” or “one of them”or “just like them” You were meant to be you, singularly you, without you where would any of us be?               SO BE YOU
  2. There is no wrong answer. Sorry perfectionists but each of us develops our own answers for our own unique life. I’m not Betty and you are not Joe. So what works for Betty may not work for Joe. And for every question you have there are a multitude of answers, there is not just one. An experiment is done over and over with minute changes in the problem to test outcomes. What is an answer today may become a problem tomorrow. SO KEEP TRYING, don’t stop searching for the unique answer for your unique question.
  3. You look like you are supposed to. It cannot be stated enough that your physical shell is not you, just the entity that houses you. We change houses all of the time. We remodel our houses. But if you tear your house down before you have another house you will be homeless, a spirit without a body. This is how most people live, as a spirit without a body because they hate their body. Hate yourself long enough and your body will begin to play along. Look in the mirror and see you, if you need to do some remodeling then do so. But remember you are not your body, it looks like its suppose to. You are awesome just as you are.
  4. Material success is not real. Change fixes that, one day this makes you rich the next day your money is gone. Material plane anything is a but a dream. Because frankly material success is a trap. Once you are dead your material success stays here and you go to the next world taking with you what can’t be carried. Don’t be fooled by a world that wishes to make you a slave to material things and this desire your primary concern. You can’t take it with you so work to have that which is not material.
  5. Love is the answer. The horror is most people have no real idea what true love is. The level of sacrifice, the amount of pain we endure, the hopelessness we face in an uncertain world all contribute to our suffering. This one is easy and hard but the lord gave us the one law, love your creator with all your might and love your neighbor as yourself. Correct your eyesight from dismissive judgement, see the other in front of you as you, see the world as a parent sees a child, love with the fury of a mother and the world will love you back.
  6. It is all a mystery. There is no human who knows. There is no one better than another, in the eyes of the big game of life. There is no second place. There are no winners or losers. There are no rules only consequences. The mystery of life is like a veil over our eyes keeping us from truth but focus your eyes on the third eye and your vision will  clear. Be better everyday. Be open to all that is happening and the mysteries of the universe will open to you.
  7. Be in charge of you. Face it no one knows you better than you know yourself.
  8. Don’t let anyone be the boss of you. Think for yourself. Be your biggest fan.
  9. Do your inner work . Be flexible in your beliefs. Keep your eyes on truth. Do not let someone else influence your beliefs. Be your own monitor.
  10. Use silence as a spiritual practice. When all else fails put your hands in front of your mouth, stop talking, start listening. That incessant chatting inside of your head is getting you nowhere fast, silence that voice. Harness inside of your self the voice of truth. Believe me, truth has a distinctive voice, you will recognize truth when you hear it. Believe in silence and let nothing penetrate your inner most self. God made you so be quiet and hear the voice of your creator, it calls for us.
  11. Be still and know that I am God. You can’t do it alone. We were not meant to do it alone. The help and support we need has been there the entire time. Inside of you is the strength of the universe. You are massive in your power so know that God is with you and the be that power.  Be still and know God has you, everything is going to be alright.

Another Awakening


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The only real way to know you are moving forward on your path is the constant awakening that comes to shake things up. We become complacent in our ways, and fear keeps us stuck in repeating behaviors and cycles. Then the blessed breath of God blows through our lives moving us when we feel we can’t be moved.

It sometimes feels “bad” but it’s a blessing none the less.

There is an awakening waiting for you when you open the eyes of your heart and see your truth. It happens to me over and over again, it just happened.

When things change; in our level of understanding, when we can accept that our thinking may have been wrong, or truth may have been veiled from us, is when the greater consciousness shakes us up.

Our creator is interested in our growth not our stagnation.

To repair the relationship between Creator and ourselves is to be open enough to accept the truth that has been badly misconstrued as taught by some of our spiritual teachers and leaders. We are not bad we are misinformed. The seeming break in our relationship with Creator is false. We are not sinners to God we are sinners to our selves and each other. God never turned from us we turned away from God or consciousness or love, try hard not to get so caught up in language you miss the forest for the trees..

Now another way to say this for those who are intolerant of “spiritual language” is to say our relationship with our world presupposes that the world has no consciousness at all. We are just here and it doesn’t matter. Its our planet, it has no feeling, we can rape it of whatever we want. To many our planet has no caring for us and the universe is a cold place where stars and planets hurl through space, with maybe a rhyme and reason, depends on who you talk to. We have been lead astray and we know it. Tell me I’m not connected with my child and I will speak to you about my truth which is also yours.

The awakening is the awareness of the greater truth. It is a truth that has existed before us and will be here after us. Truth is truth. The awakening is to remind you of your connection to Creator so that no one can claim you are less than anyone or any group.

It’s the ultimate understanding that we were made or created in the image of…

Powerful words of truth that release everyone and allows us our rightful place. They are the truths of our faith.

walk in grace


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I do a lot of walking so I see a lot of things. I see the looks on peoples faces, I hear their conversations. I see which way they have their gaze. It feels like walking through everyone’s living room sometimes, I see too much. I have seen peoples private parts, yes I am talking walking on the street. I have seen bad looks in mean people’s eyes. I have seen lust filled eyes ogling boys, ogling girls. Wrapped in the arms of depression I am looking to see something and I am seeing something else. We are all lost, looking for something.

Sometimes we are looking for relief. Sometimes we are looking for the door. Either way to win in the perceived war of this time is to walk in grace. To walk in fear just makes matters worse.

Either we trust in the process we proclaim our faith in or we should shut our mouths and ride the waves of our fate given lives. To pretend in this day and age that we are victims of anything beyond our own limited minds is to state your immaturity. You are responsible for your life and your reactions to it, plain and simple.

The next step is remembering the higher power or vibration in charge of it all. We are all moving, what you see is not all you can get. When we choose to walk in grace then we walk with an invisible mantle that says, “Its all good, God’s got this.” Unfortunately we wear a mantle that proclaims our victimhood, “I don’t have this, my life is out of control” We think we can think ourselves out of our troubles, when all we need to do is continue to live our best lives and watch how our steps are led, whether in times of joy or strife.

Walking in grace is walking with the confidence in a higher power that not only has your back but allows you to fall flat on your face so you become bigger and better than you ever dreamed of. In whatever way you believe walk in that spirit, so others see how your path works for you.

Proclaim your faith by living your faith, do it by walking in grace!

On being instead of doing


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These are tumultuous times! Problems with the environment natural disasters and the personal life of most of us is being thrown into the air. Its time to change people or like the hard wood you will be snapped. Its time to be like the bamboo, bendable, changeable, adaptable, surely you feel this. The old ways are just not going to do, we need new answers to old questions.

Like most, my life is in an in-between space, the one between my old life and the new budding one, to young to be its own, yet I must nurture what I do not know is coming. Change is in the air but so is chaos hard to read the signs. No wonder our bodies are a mess there are mixed messages running the airwaves. Where do we go for help? What do we do when we feel overwhelmed?

As a very mental person, I am always thinking, always thinking. On a walk recently I was out of my mind with an issue that has been plaguing me, the what do I do? It seems so trivial in a world with so much pain but every human going through a life changing life transformation is hurting in some way. Some in small ways, a little dissatisfaction with their present situation, others downright depressed over the oh my God of it all. What are we supposed to do?

If you know me you know I have conversations with God, like Jesus said when asked how do we pray, he said, pray like you are talking to your father, I talk to God in prayer. Lately the conversations have been heated as I feel desperate in my knowing that I’m not where I am supposed to be or doing what I am supposed to be doing, the feeling is undeniable.

In walks the idea of faith, faith is continually moving when you see nowhere to go. I am trying to walk in faith like I am held and lead, but my mind makes me a slave to the oh my God what am I supposed to be doing, over and over. So I say to God, I just don’t feel right, I just don’t feel like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing or I should be doing more, Oh my God please,

I get this message back, “What do you think I am doing out here? DO you think I worry about my work or where I am going to go? DO I worry about being in the right space, I am everything, everywhere. DO I plead to the heavens to be heard by my very creation? I, God do not have to do anything, nothing at all because I am being everything all of the time. Look at your arm, it says be still and know I am God,

so know I am God and doing it by being God.” Awesome!

Then we can go back to being human beings and not humans doing.

Let’s BE with God so God can Be with us.

 

Dealing with days after death


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Time is the only thing that moves the sting of death. The further one is from the date of the tragedy the further the remembrance of the impact the tragedy produced. We as humans are asked to go through many challenging events, death is but one of them.

We are often tested by virtue of circumstances like war separating the men from the boys and girls from the women. Other times its something that happen’s hitting us close to home. A death or great tragedy in a family brings out the survivor, the victim, the teacher, and the follower. It will bring out the worst in us or the best in us but most of us need the tragedy to turn on the hero or see the tyrant within us. Tragedies are meant to stir this teaching that we are greater than the small-mindedness of our beliefs and we have the chance to grow and change everyday and sometimes we will be pushed.

The days after a great loss or death are filled with the sorrow of those around us. We come together to share memories and stories and sometimes a shoulder to help bear hearing the story again under hushed whispers. These are important days and must be shared with reverence but the real work of loss is found in the days when others can return to a “normal” life and you cannot. They go back to a before and you are now stuck in the after.

The empty days after the tragedy are fraught with too much time for thinking and rethinking, finger-pointing and guilty flag waving. And some must be expected as our human emotions left unleashed do unleash the torrent of sadness and anger left behind but not played out. Why did you do that to us?, we are left to ask, no one…

Faith is tested and we need to help stand next to the wobbly, next to those God is testing the most. Do not so easily walk away from someone who has experienced a tragedy. They may be strong in your eyes but behind closed doors we are all human. We are meant to learn all the hard lessons God thrusts onto us whether we want to or not. It is through community a person can gather the strength of remembering what is forgotten in the darkness of disbelief and despair. Being a spiritual warrior is to be present when someone needs you, not when its convenient for you.

Be true to your sister or brother who has experienced a tragedy and be like a mighty oak unwavering in your support. Though we will never know the mind of a God who allows us to be penetrated by the greatest of tragedies we can have solace in knowing there is no love without sacrifice.

If our hearts are involved in the pain of the teaching, or the lesson we are surrounded in then you can guarantee God’s hand in it. There is no sacrifice without love, if it is happening to you it does prove God’s love. We, in our finite understanding of love will sacrifice for our loved ones so how much greater is the sacrifice made by the creator of the universe for us. The more you hold to the teaching that you cannot know God at all if you do not see God in all makes every experience part of the all of God. Everything comes from the all. Everything seeks to return to the all.

Some just chose to leave way to soon…

 

More tragedy, more faith


I have not written in a while because my heart is broken from events that occurred within one months time. The last time I wrote it was about the death of my father. He had struggled with some physical issues and was tired of living in a body that he couldn’t get to work with him anymore. He didn’t want a less than life, so he chose death.

It was hard when he told me he wanted to die we had just reconnected after 3 years and I had hoped he would see the worth of living to be of help to his grandchildren and great grand children. He didn’t, he didn’t want to fight for his life, he was done fighting. That was a hard moment. I walked him through death like I did my mother and certainly thought that would be enough sustaining heartbreak for a while.

and then…

My eldest son embroiled in a terrible situation was sentenced to jail over an incident with his wife and the tragedy of their story is falling out around the shoulders of my grandson who I haven’t seen in months and whose mother will make sure that I don’t, because she is mad at my son. Their tragedy bleeds into my life but my heart bleeds for my son and for the grandson who has become a victim to the selfishness of parents. That was less than a month after Dad died.

But almost to the month of Dads death was the greater tragedy and that was the sudden death of my infant grandson Oliver.

My daughter calls me distraught and I think my son has done something awful or he is dead, it was neither, it was her son, her baby, it was my grandson, my baby grandson, he had died in his sleep. Falling to your knees becomes the only response.

What is it to keep your head up when all it wants to do is fall? My heart is broken and my family nearly destroyed. And God has now got a target on his back in the eye of my daughter. Where is your God? They ask me, how can I have faith in this moments, why would God do that to us, to her? It goes beyond the pale and there is no answer at all. There is no understanding the mind of God.

As a matter of fact we don’t even get asked, we are just to deal with it. The gnashing of teeth, the screaming until your hoarse does nothing but prolong the pain. There is no rhyme nor reason,  we are not allowed to know why these things happen or we would. We are forced to stand with the weight of the tragedy on our shoulders being the strength everyone needs to see.

My daughter couldn’t lay down and die after her baby did because her daughter is still alive. I couldn’t get distraught because it was my daughters loss, she needed my strength. We can’t get lost in the darkness of despair though the door to depression and sorrow is standing opening begging us to go through it. What does not kill us actually does make us stronger.

What moves us forward is the next day, it’s not that you want to move on you have to. It’s not that faith sustains us it’s that unwavering faith in a higher power in charge is the only thought that makes sense. The order in the universe serves as a reminder that there is indeed a higher force, higher than the mind of any human, that is making the world go around.

The force is not personally trying to hurt us, things happen. Sometimes we are instigating these things to happen and sometimes people are thrusting their stuff on us and it makes things happen, (that we do not want!), it is our ego that believes we are in control, and we are not. The best we can do is to stay in the lane marked God’s will, God’s world.

I am a peon on this planet and a person who lives my spirituality in a real world way, it’s not fairy dust world, dealing with God gets ugly and my world just got ugly. But I won’t throw God out with the bath water. I will see God in every moment in every act, I will work to see the unseen, I will remind myself there is no comprehending the mind of God and we are all small peons on this planet, all at the mercy of forces beyond our control.

Best to stand under the shadow of the most powerful force there is, call it what you want, but when God starts cracking my skull open I get down on my knees and pray. If God wants to tear my life open and watch me bleed again… then bleed I will. Eventually God will release me and peace will be restored. You can count on that!

make a decision, be a dreamweaver


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At some point we have to make the decision that defines our life. We have to chose to step over the line of complacency and accept responsibility for where we are at even if we have been stuck in a rut for years. The greatest act of freedom is in acting free. But you are not free if the voice in your head is not yours and the path you are following was dictated to you not the path of your heart.

Life is scary and none of us want to be caught with our pants down. No one likes to fail, or look stupid in anyway but it is also the reason we become stuck. You must be willing to fail in order to move towards what you truly want for yourself and your life. Do you want it written she lived but she was scared and never did realize her dreams. Its not easy to be a dreamweaver.

We are born with gifts and talents, as is everyone you see. All of us were born with potential. Those who have succeeded listened to the voice of their soul way over the voices of the naysayers of “who do you think you are?” and became their hearts desire. We as humans are willing to settle way to quick. Life is hard, get over it and pursue your dream.

The road in front of you is going to fork over and over again. It will present opportunities for growth and healing and it will be your choice to heed the call or stay wishy washy in your approach to life, boo hooing to God for leaving you behind. We are God’s children, not God’s spoiled brats, God expects us to live our life not follow someone’s life or be told by another. We were to engage our own thinking mind and as we realize our potential we will know what a gift we have been given.

Make a decision to be better. Dream of your life not of your horror. Project a future of happiness and fulfillment. Your future is coming anyway so make a decision to work with flow and the force that is God. As you move past your victim thinking you will open to the field of possibilities that you are walking through each day. That field is full of potential, creative energy looking for someone to serve, might as well be you!

Quit being thrown around by life. Quit allowing that broken person in you to have a voice, enough already. Make a decision to walk in faith believing in better days. Make a decision not to be so negative. What you change about yourself will be the change that affects the your entire family. It happened to mine.

You are a walking ball of potential. You are carrying inside of you the power that once ignited will change your life. Make a decision to walks towards it. Learn how to be silent so that the voice of soul can be heard.

Make a decision and be a dreamweaver!

Conscious Giving


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This is a track from my cd. I have been a chanter for many many years so when my teacher encouraged me to do a chanting cd it seemed both an awesome and challenging idea.

Plus, it scared me a lot! “You want me to do what?” I was in a difficult place emotionally and didn’t want to ‘do’, anything. But ask any artist and they will tell you heartache is the stuff of greatness. By turning our difficulties around God blesses our pain creating beauty with the ashes of our burnt dreams. I had tons of fuel for a fire and my teacher helped me turn the fire into gold. I am grateful for his encouragement! God is great!

We have heard a thousand times to be grateful. In every thought, word, and deed, every minute, every second, of every day. Yet we have a hard time moving our consciousness outside of our small selves. So self involved does our inner talk become that we believe ourselves stars in a movie and the world our set. The truth teaches that our lives are nothing out side of the creative energy that sustains us, nothing, poof, gone! We actually do move, live, and breath through God’s being.

Maybe it is easy to have a grateful attitude when you walk through a constant stream of blessings, I don’t know. I have gained entrance to the spiritual world through the Planet Saturn, the planet of hard knocks and figure it out! There was a certain time in my life when the shit storm had grown so over whelming I fell to my knees and in doing so I was given the strength to get back up. God gave me this track on one of the days I was down on my knees and through the strength of this prayer I got up and finished recording the cd.

We can be experiencing the most difficult of circumstances. It happens to us all at some time and it is a test of what we are made of. All we have to do is walk in faith keeping the divine laws active in us and we will be led through our inner wisdom and spiritual intuition. This wisdom is a gift and it counteracts the imbalance we often face when we indulge our free will towards our animal nature. Knowing the laws of cause and effect makes toeing a righteous line, a much easier task! Believe me!

I hope one day for each person to understand their potential greatness and through their struggles they have learned to reach up for support and felt the guiding light. It is always there. We have often been remiss labeling it coincidence or accident. Nothing is done by chance, its something we have to learn.

There is a force leading us not by force but by course. Every time you trip yourself up, its something trying to get your attention. Every time you experience success, you have let the divine show itself through your unique voice. Open yourself and the force will move gifts through you, its how it works.

If it is still dark in your life, keep reaching, keep working to better yourself. I can tell you it can get really dark before the light of wisdom and understanding can reach us. It is through working with sacred vibrations that helps to elevate the spirit allowing us a glimmer of what could be, what shall be… Use this prayer of God to sustain you, share it with others. Let God guide you like God guides me.

Peace

Completion


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Well I did it! This is a picture of my book and chanting CD. It has been a long process and a sometimes painful and frustrating one but I did it. I went through the creative fire and was able to produce something that I hope will help many lives. This project pushed and pulled me through many emotional peaks and valleys but it also forced me to grow on so many levels and has become the foundational platform from which my next work will be created.

I’ve talked before about the book. It’s about my journey through a nearly 4 year illness and what I did to recover. The story is very important to me because at the time of my illness the doctors were never really able to determine what was wrong with me. I was very ill, in a great deal of pain, very weak unable to get out of bed. I ended up having about 6 surgeries and was in and out of the hospital a great deal. Not to mention that during the same time I was so ill my Grandmother dies, my Mom is diagnosed with stage 4 non-smokers lung cancer and she dies, soon followed by my husband leaving me. By the time I turn 50 I had pretty much had enough of life. But the spiritual fire that had been stoked by my long illness was still lit and the teacher I worked with while I was so sick told me I should write a book, so I did. And because of the energetic healing belief I have in the power of chanting, it made recording a chanting album next on the list.

I am as grateful to my teacher for helping me to recover from my illness as I am to his pushing me to finish and publish my book and for helping me get past the sheer terror of recording a CD. But I did it! I am so proud of what I did and that has been a bit tricky as well. Any time one of us steps forward we can find others milling around blocking our ability to pass, negative well wishers, jealous and stuck in their body of pain wanting to take everyone down with them. It makes celebrating your accomplishments feel like an exercise in self indulgence or something you wish to avoid.

But life is to be celebrated. Most people are genuinely happy for someone else’s accomplishments and successes. It helps us to remember that all things are possible and when we are willing to put in the work we too can make our dreams a reality. Celebrating a finished accomplishment is an important part of the cycle created when the idea was first born. Remember again that most people are filled with ideas, one after another of brilliant ideas, and not a lick of follow through. It takes work, and lots of perseverance to make something happen. You have to be willing to fail, and fail again, it can be humiliating but it’s movement, it’s action, it’s doing…it’s life.

We need to do creative work in what ever capacity it comes to us. Whether we are writers, painters, homemakers, landscape artists, people who like to color, being creative in whatever capacity allows the creative force of God to move through you. And really, let me tell you, when you are in that creative zone, in the fire, it is just like they say, time stops, nothing matters, just you and the work. You will feel God, even if it just feels like the best rush of good feelings you have ever felt. In allowing the flow of the creator to move through you is also to remember that creator also works through us and our creative endeavors become the teaching experience and tools used to push stories, and new information through the masses.

Sit in a Church with paintings of the stations of the Cross, watch the unfolding drama of the story of Christ and tell me you can not see what torture was at hand, what sacrifice was made. These paintings are a meditation on faith, without saying a word. In the creative flow of images and words, songs and chants is the ability to lift people, move people, inform people and offer a glimpse of the vast concept that is our creator. We must do our work in order that God may be heard through the masses, in voices that the masses understand. Each of us has a unique voice and way to tell a story that reaches every soul in a vastly different way. So we need everybody sharing so the wisdom may move to uplift our brothers and sisters. All of our voices together become a choir singing to God.

You can find my Book on Amazon, BN.com and my CD on CDbaby on 1/20/2015. If you have any questions feel free to email me. Find me on Facebook and message, either way.

Get out there and get your creative on!