ThanksGiveIng


thanks to the world of sorrow, and thanks to the world of pain

we have found ourselves once again blessed, to live as we are ordained.

dropped on our knees, are heads held low, just how far down will we go?

then we stop and look around, every head is on the ground.

What has happened, why oh why?

Wait! What is that light high in the sky?

all eyes look up and with a thunderous roar,

the sun spoke these words, so we would worry no more

“this earth has been spinning a really long time,

your creator and I have this, your fear and worry are out of line.

When filled doubt and fear has you down

look to the sun because here comes your shakedown

you have what you need and you need of no thing

because the light of the sun is your wellspring.

So get up, shake off, God has this thang. (bet you didn’t know the sun used slang.)

Happy Thanks Give I ng—

 

 

 

 

mistakes, I’ve made a few


Here’s my declaration. Here is my truth. This is my line in the sand.

I have made a mistake. One that is nearly 12 years old now. A continuous mistake that I have been trying to fix, inside myself mostly. It has been a costly mistake, financially yes, but far worse, emotionally.

I gave up my power to another. I gave away my dignity. I nearly broke myself.

I don’t want to say I was caught up in a cult but I was behaving like I was and so were they. Nothing anybody could say would change my mind about this person until I found myself boo hooing again. Surprised by continuous let downs, oh did it happen again, people would say knowing I had lost my fu*king mind. Just like the song lyrics, whoops I did it again, he played with my heart and I got lost in the game, oh baby baby, maybe Brittany knew something I needed to know.

I have been railing against this knowledge because I kept thinking I was to smart for someone to take over my life and override my common sense. I have been the boss of myself since I was a child, never needed someone to tell me anything and then I got sick and didn’t want to die. So I let someone tell me what to do and I followed them like a child forgetting that even I in my ignorance knew God was in charge.

As I watched myself do it again, put myself in harm’s way, allowing that other voice to lie to me again, it just felt like a sick addiction and I was sick of myself. I had been through too much for this stupidity, yet here I was doing it again. I was so lost in my life that going backward and back into the trap seemed the only answer to all this loneliness and horror.

Wrong, so f*cking wrong.

Where are the brakes in my mind? Where is the delete button? Where is the reset button? But it would never be that easy. I had something to figure out, a need to know. Why do we do this? Why do intelligent people give themselves away to charismatic teachers? Why do we sign so many checks?

I have started watching documentaries on cults and spiritual teachers from other lands in my country stepping on the backs of their students and followers until kool-aide is served or your back account empty and your worth stripped away and you are sent away or to jail. These teachers were just here to play, with our minds and hearts. People meant to be trusted. The hardest thing about watching the others talk about it on camera especially about their leader was how much I saw of myself and my own stupidity and desire for someone else to lead. What is wrong with us? Are we really sheep that need to be led? Hell to the yes, it seems.

Our creator put a brain in our head. We are supposed to be using it ourselves, not fueling other egos or being brainwashed. I feel bad for all the middle age women who are lost and with money whose lives have been sacrificed by a being with the sole agenda of fame and money. There is no love there as they proclaim, I love you I love you I love you, palms pressed together, lies all lies. How do you love what you so easily give away or steal or take? It’s not love, its manipulation.

It’s our fault. We did this. We allowed it. I did this. I allowed this. My mistake!

So I made this mistake and now in confession I will stop making it.

Let’s hope!

I would love to hear from others who have had similar experiences and learn what helped you to finally move on.

God help us all!

 

An ode to guilt


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Guilt

Oh how we hold our head up so high

pretending to reach a God in the sky

but we worship our pain

and we wallow in dread

aww the sound of guilt became our god in its stead

we think ourselves capable of making this choice

as if we created this guilt ridden voice

sad is the human with so much to bear

the guilt and the pain always ever there

the ego inside us a seed once planted

became the voice of reason even though slanted

why do we listen to such a negative Nancy

or wear the clothes of the ego we think so fancy

what if what is taught is marvelously wrong

and we are allowed to sing a different song

does God truly wish for us to suffer

or are we using guilt as a giant buffer

the ego we lift and hold with such fervor

is the enemy at the gate you should send further

away from the door and our precious heart

turn away from your guilt and make a fresh start

listen instead to the spirits around you

they are speaking in words not to confound you

it is God’s greatest gift to lift up your life

to heal your heart from all of its strife

the sound of guilt suddenly missing

allows the gift of love to keep on giving

a new voice that sounds so loud in your head

Why ever did we listen to the guilt instead?

Baby it’s dark outside


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Here in the Northland, daytime is but a memory as clouds, snow and 3:30 sunsets become the norm. In this part of the world the idea of the Winter Solstice and the return of light, is the light at the end of the tunnel reminding us that the universe does a lot of work under the cover darkness but the promise of the return is inevitable, and undeniable.

I have holiday lights ever twinkling, candles always burning and have created a beautiful cave for this season of interior work. While it is often hard to deal with so much dark there is an innate intimacy that is created between myself and the would be spirits that hang around. I feel the spirit of my grandma when I think on my loneliness and feel her assure me I am not alone.

When the sun does come out for just a brief time I stand in my window and let its rays wash over me so I can remember and stay hopeful for its return. I love the sun and sitting outside, less lonely out there. But now I sit inside looking out, it can be lonely in here. So as soon as I wake and after the so-called sunshine goes down, I turn on my twinkling lights and burn my candles and sit in this wonderland that I have created.

Only in the quiet do we hear the sound of our soul’s yearning and learn to discern the voice that may be God’s. Only in the dark without witness can I let myself be free to be me. In the dark where I am not afraid but released from eyes that hold judgement and I can sing and dance, and cry and scream, until all of me is free. My spirit soars into the sky, my dreams become bigger and the dragon I ride moves darkness away. The darkness is a presence that seeks to keep me down, but that’s not what the dark is outside this time of year.

This darkness is a blanket, it is a freedom of sort, a blank slate for recreating. This time of year reminds us of the impermanence of all things. Just like the dark to the day. The seasons call on us to change, be more, be different, be the same, just be, because the greatest gift to humans is our ability and freedom to be-come.

You may become whatever you wish. So baby it maybe dark outside but inside of the soul is a light that can’t be put out, unless you put it out. Use the dark to find your true self. Use the dark and be silent and listen to your hearts desire. Sing your song, write your story, be your dream.

The dark is only scary if you have no awareness of your light. Shine on baby, shine on!

 

That’s right I’m angry


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That’s right I am angry. Oh does that hurt your precious sensibility? Funny how in spiritual circles we are to shun anger. Don’t be angry! Don’t get mad, get glad! Well you know what, I’m angry and I am ready to feel this anger and then tend to it. I figure if Jesus got angry and then anger is sometimes appropriate.

I think anger is useful! Because, and here’s the kicker, most humans won’t do anything about anything, until they finally get mad as hell. Then and only then, will they put down their phones, turn off the televisions, get off their asses and take a stand or do something about it.

I’m angry because mostly I see people bitching and whining like 3 year olds and their “life’s not fair” sentence. Get it in your head, LIFE IS NOT FAIR. That was a humans idea, nope, a humans opinion of how the world should be. In nature the snake eats the eggs of the birds, is that shit fair. We kill off everything for some whim, any whim, is that shit fair. We slave humans for greed in every possible way, is that shit fair. There is nothing fair about this world, I mean come on, our president walks around with the nuke codes and uncontrolable power to use them, is that shit fair.

Does it change anything to say it’s not fair. Yes sirrrrreee I’m angry.

I expected people to be for people, nope they will be for you if they can have what you have, or take what you have….

I expected woman to rise, to stand up. Now they are and it’s because they have been forced underneath men and their perverted sexual/power needs. Very few men believe in equality, ask one, or better yet check their track record. Most men slave their women and their children, and their mothers, and……………………….. I said most,

I expected humanity to rail against violence to children, nope men like to violate children, in the workforce, cheap labor and in the bedroom for titillating disgusting fun. Man once thought babies couldn’t feel pain, REALLY

I expected Gun control, nope I guess we will pry their guns from their cold dead hands, after a gunman shoots them with it. The horror is our country will never allow gun control until, and I doubt even then, someone powerful loses their child. This country loves guns not people. Money not people. Fame not people. Power not people.

I seek a divide in those living in skin suits who are not human but subhuman. Sound judgie…

I seek a dismissal to all positions lorded over children, parents learn to parent be the expert and boss for your kids. A wounded, unloved, used up child, grows up into a force that has become the backbone of our world, you know Dog eat Dog.

I am tired of all the humans who sat down because life was hard, drugs easier, blame faster, unconsiouness more desirable. What is fu*king wrong with you people.

And for all the so-called spiritual teachers, the self proclaimed gurus, the God gave me this assignment asshole church leaders, (talking to you Scientology and many others) bilking their people out of their hard earned money so you can be rich and famous, talking to you spiritual masters who use people, so you can be rich and famous while waving your God flag watching those around you suffer.  How’s your new Range Rover?

For family members who judge their family, boo on you. Who made you a God.

For the humans who use words like I love you, you are my friend, I will be there for you, and don’t mean a word you say, ******************************** this sentence has been censored.

So there, there’s my bitch. I am angry. Tomorrow maybe not so much.

Be a decent human. Be a team player. Be there for your family and friends.

Be something, stop doing nothing!

One step away

One step away

I sometimes wonder if humanity feels fear and pain the way they do because we are always like the poem reads, one step away.  We continue dwelling on our negative issues feeling lost and abandoned, as if the boo hoo-ing has gotten any of us anywhere.

We feel one step away and we stay one step away.

Frankly, I think we humans, are like puppies lost from their mother who is simply on the other side of the blanket but totally absent to them.

We cry out in our own loneliness and pain, because when we look up, our eyes are so swollen with tears we can’t see that something is actually there watching over us, there always was.

And it’s waiting for us to take a step, or a stand, or a breath, or something…

Deep down inside of us is the awareness that we were once a part of something, just like that drop of water aware of the ocean it lives in, that is how our beginning was. But we are spilt off from our beginnings and now feel all alone.

Because, we forgot where we came from. More importantly, we forgot that we did not create ourselves.

We are here, wrapped in our individual skins suits, thinking we are alone in our bodies and our experiences. We are not. You are but one step away from your brothers and sisters at all times, and at one, with the source of life, all of the time. You are perfectly seen in the unseen world, recognized as a spiritual being lost in your physical life.

You are at one with all the unseen spirits surrounding you, who are working to try to get you, to see and hear them. Not with your physical eyes and ears necessarily, but with the other sense you have

…you know your knowing, you know that you know at least sometimes, no one can tell you what you KNOW is wrong. You have been aware of your knowing of something in truth all of your life. Time to put that part of yourself to work.

This life is for you to figure out, no one not even your God will do this for you. It’s all you baby, and all your choice to do, or not to do.

You are here for a reason and the “what” that put you here, is well aware of you. You don’t believe in it but believe me, it believes in you.

When you feel that sense of aloneness that comes with despair, use your mind to remind you that you are one step away from the source that created you. One thought away from the creative energy that sustains you.

You have come one step away from everything and there you stay, far from everything, one step away.

So be with everything and there you stay, at one with everything, that’s never been, one step away.

 

 

 

Anchor of Hope

Anchor of Hope

I stopped writing some time ago, why bother? What difference does it make?

My life was derailed years ago and I have been swimming like hell to get back to some kind of shore. And I see a lot of people out here swimming the waters of “OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME” with me. It seems we have become fish in a barrel to what ever feels the need to point a gun in our general direction, are we safe? What is life about now when we have stopped feeling safe in our surroundings? Safe in any sense of the word.

As a spiritual teacher I have looked around and watched the teachings fail us. Why are we in such a mess? So, I put myself and my work on hold. I needed a different teaching than everything is going to be ok, please! those people and their platitudes make me want to hit something. Have you seen the level of suffering that is going on? What can be done? What can we as a single person do to help? Is it all lost until this apparent fall is finished and the old guard dead?

Hopeless is how it feels!

But maybe that’s ok, maybe the old guard needs to die. Maybe what we are feeling is the death of the old world and its greedy humanity hating ways. Maybe it has to be a painful death so that light can begin to enter into the minds of men again. To bring humanity to the brink of extension, giving us all a near death experience especially to awaken the walking dead.

What we have to be careful of is the hopelessness of watching the worst of humanity struggle to keep in control dowsing us with a daily dose of negativity and back bending fear. Tragedy after tragedy can make a person turn their head away from the suffering of their brother or sister. “I’m only one person what can I do”, said way to often…

In the words of Jack Nicolson as the Joker in the first batman, this world needs an enema…

because as a humanity we are full of shit…

First rule of change, be the change you are looking for

Want to be peaceful in a non peaceful world, be peaceful at all costs.

Want to be loving in a non loving world, be loving at all costs.

Want to have hope in a hopeless world, be hopeful at all costs.

Last night, another sleepless night of never ending oh my God, What now? What next? the endless supplications to what feels like a unhearing God… I decided to listen to a podcast of Joel Osteen, I know so many people hate on this man, but I’ll tell you he loves God more than most do, anyway… he was talking about anchoring in hope,

here comes the God talk but listen to it this way… faith is the hope of things to come, faith needs hope, do you get that? If you claim you have faith, then you best be anchored in hope. In this easiest terms it means if you are steeping in fear like a used tea bag, you have lifted your anchor from hope, its trailing behind you like a tail not an anchor…

When life bogs you down with any kind of weighted personal issue and you have begun lamenting it, you have let your anchor go and you will find your self drifting back to hopeless ocean,

Open your eyes, see where you are and put your anchor back down.

Keep your anchor in check. Keep your anchor moored to hope. If you believe in a higher power then leave your anchor next to your God and quit flailing around like you don’t know, because you do know…

God is always there! Its you that moves around and forgets.

Anchor in Hope!

 

Rough patch


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Nothing like a rough patch to send you off your rocker and straight to the loony bin. Nothing like having your world derailed by somebody elses actions. And there is nothing like the feeling of sliding and falling, as you realize the rough patch you were afraid of is already underneath you and that feeling is your feet losing their hold. One rough patch of unbelievable size can bring a human to their knees. Time to put some knee pads on!

What we constantly forget as we move through life is, that its life. We have been so removed from reality that a human experiencing a rough patch looking at social media would assume that they are the only ones suffering. In fake-ville or the land of virtual reality everyone is; tan, healthy, on vacation, their children are well-behaved, they have the most loving partner, they got a big raise, new house, lost 20 pounds, blah blah blah.

Really people! Back in the day, we were told (I was told a least a billion times) what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. It was understood that life was hard and the only sure way to get through it was to live your life. Hiding won’t help, denying won’t help, blame won’t help, AT ALL. You have to do it, live, you have to live!

Staying stoned – not living , staying drunk – not living, staying in denial – not living, starving yourself – not living, staying mad- so not living, ignoring your dreams – not living, pretending you do not matter- not living.

We go through life one day at a time. You can sit inside your head or in fantasy, living a yesterday over and over again or plotting your tomorrows, it will not help you live today. Each day you get up is your opportunity, your chance. It may be today that the rough patch shows itself, it might be tomorrow, but believe me, there is another rough patch ahead, just around the corner, outside in your yard, inside your kids head,

Believe me, there is a rough patch ahead.

You are alive you can’t avoid them.

My world was tossed around AGAIN, and I wallowed, my misery was all-consuming. My world was trying to fall apart again, AGAIN. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I have had a very large portion of troubles in my life, rough patches would be an understatement. Just like you, I suspect. None of us are getting through this without a lot of pain, this is a growth spurt for humanity. Unfortunately, we will not grow unless we are forced to, so rough patches are designed to move you from pain, to smack you until your vision clears so you see what’s in front of you. One rough patch is not the big picture, the big picture includes rough patches.

So for 3 days I wallowed in the are you kidding me, again, I have to go through this again, again, like a broken record, again.

Wallowing feels good for a moment, oh woe is me, oh God leave me alone already, how am I going to get through this…………….

and on the 3rd day I rose, again.

It was just rough patch, which is not the big picture, nor the end of this story…

messages for the push


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There are times in life when the cheer leading squad of your world gets busy or is uplifting someone else, you can beg and plead with your God or the universe for a kind word and the silence will be deafening! I mean the screaming sound of nothing can take your breath away. It is the loneliest feeling, needing something you can’t find or reach for yourself. Yet, what do we learn, the strength you need to get through your sh*t is inside of you.There is inside of all of us a self-regulating monitor of love and support which can be activated if you quit looking for a source outside of yourself. The great power of the universe is inside of you. When we scream in frustration sometimes it’s because we know, we need to do something. Crying into the wind only can do so much…

So here are some push notifications to use when you need to remind yourself of the power in YOU

  1. You are unique. The world seemingly desires consistency between us humans, all the same wonderful weight and degree of success. But that level of sameness will burn the world out. We were made unique, a single vortex of creative energy that can suck a room dry with its neediness, or swirl in its wonder becoming everything you were meant to be. So stop trying to be “them” or “one of them”or “just like them” You were meant to be you, singularly you, without you where would any of us be?               SO BE YOU
  2. There is no wrong answer. Sorry perfectionists but each of us develops our own answers for our own unique life. I’m not Betty and you are not Joe. So what works for Betty may not work for Joe. And for every question you have there are a multitude of answers, there is not just one. An experiment is done over and over with minute changes in the problem to test outcomes. What is an answer today may become a problem tomorrow. SO KEEP TRYING, don’t stop searching for the unique answer for your unique question.
  3. You look like you are supposed to. It cannot be stated enough that your physical shell is not you, just the entity that houses you. We change houses all of the time. We remodel our houses. But if you tear your house down before you have another house you will be homeless, a spirit without a body. This is how most people live, as a spirit without a body because they hate their body. Hate yourself long enough and your body will begin to play along. Look in the mirror and see you, if you need to do some remodeling then do so. But remember you are not your body, it looks like its suppose to. You are awesome just as you are.
  4. Material success is not real. Change fixes that, one day this makes you rich the next day your money is gone. Material plane anything is a but a dream. Because frankly material success is a trap. Once you are dead your material success stays here and you go to the next world taking with you what can’t be carried. Don’t be fooled by a world that wishes to make you a slave to material things and this desire your primary concern. You can’t take it with you so work to have that which is not material.
  5. Love is the answer. The horror is most people have no real idea what true love is. The level of sacrifice, the amount of pain we endure, the hopelessness we face in an uncertain world all contribute to our suffering. This one is easy and hard but the lord gave us the one law, love your creator with all your might and love your neighbor as yourself. Correct your eyesight from dismissive judgement, see the other in front of you as you, see the world as a parent sees a child, love with the fury of a mother and the world will love you back.
  6. It is all a mystery. There is no human who knows. There is no one better than another, in the eyes of the big game of life. There is no second place. There are no winners or losers. There are no rules only consequences. The mystery of life is like a veil over our eyes keeping us from truth but focus your eyes on the third eye and your vision will  clear. Be better everyday. Be open to all that is happening and the mysteries of the universe will open to you.
  7. Be in charge of you. Face it no one knows you better than you know yourself.
  8. Don’t let anyone be the boss of you. Think for yourself. Be your biggest fan.
  9. Do your inner work . Be flexible in your beliefs. Keep your eyes on truth. Do not let someone else influence your beliefs. Be your own monitor.
  10. Use silence as a spiritual practice. When all else fails put your hands in front of your mouth, stop talking, start listening. That incessant chatting inside of your head is getting you nowhere fast, silence that voice. Harness inside of your self the voice of truth. Believe me, truth has a distinctive voice, you will recognize truth when you hear it. Believe in silence and let nothing penetrate your inner most self. God made you so be quiet and hear the voice of your creator, it calls for us.
  11. Be still and know that I am God. You can’t do it alone. We were not meant to do it alone. The help and support we need has been there the entire time. Inside of you is the strength of the universe. You are massive in your power so know that God is with you and the be that power.  Be still and know God has you, everything is going to be alright.

What’s the reason for the season


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For me Christmas is for children to keep some semblance of hope in their hearts. A jolly Santa tends to their wishes. But the real reason for the season is the celebration of the return of light.

For the many Christians it is to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the way shower to the oncoming tide of love the teaching were meant to bring. They saw and celebrate a heavenly child but often forget the vast importance of his role. This great teacher changed the course of our understanding of the force of God. God was no longer a punishing God but a force of love offering relief to those bogged down in laws they would never find relief from.

Jesus was the physical holder of the great light emerging as the fulfillment of the law releasing us from this life of sin, claiming a life of light and love. This fulfillment changed his name from the human form of Jesus to the being of light or the Christ. The Christ like God is a force of light available to everyone, let me repeat that, EVERYONE. It is as the Christ taught within each of us waiting for our acknowledgment. Accepted, we too can be filled with this light that surpasses understanding. That means it comes to me, it comes to you, and is beyond our small minds just how encompassing it is.

Everyone will have access to this light, no one owns it or controls it or can name it. Beyond the name of Jesus the light endures because if humans can touch it, it will be put out.This light cannot be put out as the Christ taught us and physical death will show us.

The light is eternal.

Beyond the little minds of humans the great stories continue to do their work. The seasons are marked as story holders to jog our memories to the truth innate within us. Deep down we know, deeper still lies the truth that through the time of winter season and the darkness, we feel this light our eternal hope for a better world.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

My hope for the return of light is for the children. May we all be as children before this light, innocent, heart open, and filled with love.

May your holiday be blessed!