Dealing with days after death


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Time is the only thing that moves the sting of death. The further one is from the date of the tragedy the further the remembrance of the impact the tragedy produced. We as humans are asked to go through many challenging events, death is but one of them.

We are often tested by virtue of circumstances like war separating the men from the boys and girls from the women. Other times its something that happen’s hitting us close to home. A death or great tragedy in a family brings out the survivor, the victim, the teacher, and the follower. It will bring out the worst in us or the best in us but most of us need the tragedy to turn on the hero or see the tyrant within us. Tragedies are meant to stir this teaching that we are greater than the small-mindedness of our beliefs and we have the chance to grow and change everyday and sometimes we will be pushed.

The days after a great loss or death are filled with the sorrow of those around us. We come together to share memories and stories and sometimes a shoulder to help bear hearing the story again under hushed whispers. These are important days and must be shared with reverence but the real work of loss is found in the days when others can return to a “normal” life and you cannot. They go back to a before and you are now stuck in the after.

The empty days after the tragedy are fraught with too much time for thinking and rethinking, finger-pointing and guilty flag waving. And some must be expected as our human emotions left unleashed do unleash the torrent of sadness and anger left behind but not played out. Why did you do that to us?, we are left to ask, no one…

Faith is tested and we need to help stand next to the wobbly, next to those God is testing the most. Do not so easily walk away from someone who has experienced a tragedy. They may be strong in your eyes but behind closed doors we are all human. We are meant to learn all the hard lessons God thrusts onto us whether we want to or not. It is through community a person can gather the strength of remembering what is forgotten in the darkness of disbelief and despair. Being a spiritual warrior is to be present when someone needs you, not when its convenient for you.

Be true to your sister or brother who has experienced a tragedy and be like a mighty oak unwavering in your support. Though we will never know the mind of a God who allows us to be penetrated by the greatest of tragedies we can have solace in knowing there is no love without sacrifice.

If our hearts are involved in the pain of the teaching, or the lesson we are surrounded in then you can guarantee God’s hand in it. There is no sacrifice without love, if it is happening to you it does prove God’s love. We, in our finite understanding of love will sacrifice for our loved ones so how much greater is the sacrifice made by the creator of the universe for us. The more you hold to the teaching that you cannot know God at all if you do not see God in all makes every experience part of the all of God. Everything comes from the all. Everything seeks to return to the all.

Some just chose to leave way to soon…

 

Difficult days


There is never going to be an early warning sign that big trouble is afoot. It will blindside you with its horror leaving you reeling with bruises all over your heart and soul. It is, I am sorry to say, a part of our growth and the forward push for a person on a spiritual path. To think that having God or spirit in your life will make life easier is like saying you can diet when there are no cookies in your house or people bringing them in. Life is not like that, we are to be challenged until we can withstand any and every horror coming our way. If we have not learned to live under pressure or learned how to stand up in life when everyone around us is sitting down, we have not done our job.

We are each charged with cultivating the strength we need to deal with the kind of pressure that exists in our world. Many people have stressful lives, I would venture to say most people have stressful lives, it’s how you handle it that counts. For me it has been the continual search for the ability to walk in faith. Holding onto the knowing that a higher power is at work and thank God for that. I can’t do it alone. I physically have to without family support I am alone, again a big why I have a spiritual path that allows me to have a spiritual community to lean on.

When I say I have God I mean I have a relationship with a higher power that through my work I have come to understand as a connection with a force moving through our world that is responding to me. My chanting practice allowed me to open that door, now I can experience what I believe to be the presence of God within me, my higher self, ok face it it’s a force or being more powerful that me and when I follow the directive of living in faith seeing with love even the horror of my life falls into perspective.

It is hard being human right now. I see horror everywhere. I want to fall on my knees and cry my eyes out for the pain and suffering that is getting ready to happen to people I love, people who have no idea that that was a plate glass they just walked into. In one minute your entire life can change forever and damage done that can’t be taken back.

We must cultivate a relationship with our souls, with our creator, we must for our own salvation. If we are to have peace, love and happiness, we must stand in our power, walk in faith and move through life with our hearts leading the way. We have to start, there is just to much pain…

Hit the delete button and free your mind!


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I have been thinking about the delete button on my computer. I can hit the delete button and everything disappears, way cool. I think we need a delete button in our heads, yes we do! Some people hold on to antiquated beliefs like a dog to a bone when what they need is a delete button to clear their thinking, reassess and change their mind. It’s not easy to convince someone of a new idea or philosophy when frankly convincing is the exact opposite of what we should be doing. If you have to convince someone of what you believe it becomes to me an act of control. I would never want that.

When I believe your idea is no longer relevant, or biased, racist, or sexist and maybe just plain in my book wrong, I really can only share my beliefs with passion, through my actions and leave you to your own devices. Which of course means hitting the delete button in your head, I hope. All of us have stores of memories, ideas, and prejudices, that just need to be deleted. New information is sometimes thought of for a while but deeply held beliefs can have a long staying power. Hit the delete button already.

It’s an under used button for the mind. Ridding yourself of the noise in your head is a good thing. When the delete button is used, you can have a fresh perspective. You can make your beliefs your own, not your fathers, or mothers, or your church. As leaders in our families, or communities, hitting the delete button every once in a while would put us all in a place of receptivity. The world is an ever-changing place, new ideas come with new information but we have to be open to it and frankly most people have cluttered minds.

I think it makes a good point for a spiritual and meditation practice. A once a day remedy for not getting stuck in a mind rut. What was true for you yesterday might not be true tomorrow. My Mom couldn’t eat onions when we were growing up so everything had to have onions removed from it. My grandma would make 2 dishes one with and one with out and since I was her daughter she figured I would have the same issue. And I felt I did until I was married and he fed me onions in my food and I about became an onion addict. I ate onions on everything in everything and I still do. I had to hit the delete button on her mandatory onion band and make up my own mind.

Think on ways you can use a delete button. Do you get mad at your partner over the same issue over and over again, time to delete that thought and try to negotiate another way to get what you want. Resistance is always a delete button issue. Why stay mad and frustrated over something you know will never change? Why waste your breath? There are more important things in life than clothes hitting the hamper and shoes in the door way.

Practicing with the delete button frees your mind. Truth is we can not control anyone they can give us the appearance of control but it just builds resentment. Try hitting the delete button when your server pisses you off, you know it’s a crap job. Try hitting the delete button when driving who cares if you got cut off. Death by drive by shooting because you finally pissed off the wrong driver is a stupid way to die.

You get what I am saying. Hit the delete button every now and again. Free your mind and the rest will follow!

 

Mental illness and family


images-2My son is bipolar, tough words to write because of the looming negative stereo type of responses I have received over the years. He is not only bipolar he also suffers from PTSD, which makes all things worse. Before he was diagnosed life was a nightmare of “why are you acting this way?” He would get in trouble and my family was less than supportive about it. The “all you are doing is enabling him,” sentence got on my last nerve, he is my child. Of course the big family secret was that bipolar was running rampant through our gene pool, information I would have loved to have so much earlier in my life. But I didn’t get to know.

What I know now is that my family secret is a lot of families secret, not to mention our beautiful children that went to war and have come back so broken and afflicted with mental illness themselves. Frankly none of us are fully able to handle this on our own. The words, It takes a village, is so much more than a buzz phrase, it is the truth. For the last 2 weeks I have been plagued with interior feelings of overwhelming sadness and red-hot anger and yesterday I tried to call my son and he didn’t answer my call or call back, then I knew. It wasn’t me at all, my boy was in trouble, I write this and my eyes fill with tears because I should have known something was up.

He had started talking of wanting to be more responsible so I could go and try to start my life again. We both know none of us can live someone elses’ life for them, we really can’t control another human. We can only lead, with our words, with our love and with our support. I hear the agony in his voice when I finally get him on the phone and it breaks my heart. He ran out of his medicine 2 weeks ago and we were all on a count down and he couldn’t reach out. So the other shoe drops and the fall out of a 2 week blow out spills onto me and my daughter and I would say his wife too, if she was emotionally even sitting in her body anymore.

There are no easy answers to this issue. There is no guarantee of long-term help when medicines that work for a while then stop. There is no running away or sending it away, God gave us this challenge as God has done to so many others. Chances are you know somebody who is suffering with some kind of brain disorder. What we can do is maintain a deep and personal relationship with the one suffering and their family. Most importantly maintaining our spiritual practice and closeness to the creator who gave us this responsibility. We all have heard God does not give us anything we can’t handle, though we certainly would like to argue that point. We can surround our loved one with the white light of consciousness, when can encourage them to take good care of their body, by eating right, getting rest which is like asking a child to sit still for 3 hours, not even close to real but sometimes it sinks in. And most importantly we can encourage each other.

So my hat is off to you, if you are like me and my daughter holding a family together. My hat is off to you who stand next to your loved when others say step away. My hat is off to every parent who had wished health for their child and watched as it was drained due to an accident, birth, or fricking war. My hat is off to those who work with the ones trying so hard to make sense of such a difficult situation that often has no end date. My hat is off to my daughter who does this job with me when she certainly doesn’t have to. I love you so much!!!

My hat is off to us all!

All is well


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I am at a very interesting point in my pursuit of a spiritual path, a path of truth. I have gotten to that point where the knowledge I have found is working its way into my daily life and without thinking I am not reacting but accessing and then acting. Not all of the time, way to human for that, yet…

It is unrealistic to think we will not get pissed off. Even the most enlightened being you can think of is going to get overwhelmed with this play called humanity. Humans are as they are and really we cannot expect any different, said with such disappointment…

But, all is well.

Now here is another idea that can help me past the bullshit I see. I am a doer. If I see an injustice I will speak up. When someone mistreats their child in front of me, I say something. When a partner belittles their partner in front of me, its my eyes they see while their partner is looking down. I have not always thought all is well. As a matter of fact I have thought humanity way past well and sick as hell.

That is a view that doesn’t see beyond to creators will. My mistake was in thinking that free will had a bigger role than it actually does. We are all free to fu*k up our lives as much as we wish and for lots of people it’s the suffering they endure because of their fu*k ups that finally turns them towards the light of a spiritual path. But what had been lost in translation is that everything that is happening is happening as planed. Just as Jesus told Peter he would deny him 3 times, Peter was shocked, “who me”? But when the time came Peter’s free will did deny Jesus 3 times. It was part of the story all along.

When we who walk a spiritual path make every step with the divine in mind we are doing God’s work. It can be a hardship to turn and look at humanity that seems hell-bent on destroying everything on God’s green earth and the inhabitants there in, it becomes for me a need to wear blinders before I am screaming, “destroy us, we know exactly what we are doing and just don’t give a shit anymore”.

I wonder how the movie Noah is going to do? But God made a promise not to do that again so I guess I am going to have to get the phrase all is well firmly planted in my head. God wishes us to look through eyes that know all is well. Look around long enough, live long enough, suffer long enough, and you will get that all is well. Though it sometimes doesn’t look like it or feel like it or even remotely seem like it, all is well.

The big creator in the sky has this story already locked down and it seems God is not into tragic outcomes though a good story always has plenty of tragedy in it. But like a good Hollywood movie usually a good outcome is assured, or frankly who would go. Even in the worst of circumstances we find a silver lining to stories and events and learn that indeed all is well.

It’s a statement of faith. It’s a statement of maturity. It’s a statement given by God. Can’t argue with that. So when Oprah asks me what I know for sure, I am going to say, what I know for sure and beyond any doubt but will stumble to remember over and over again, is that all is well. All is well!

 

Why can’t we see?


After reading about the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman I am sick to death of what we cannot see.

I am walking the streets of Santa Monica sick of what we do not see.

I am tired of the words people use and that fact there is no power behind what they say, they talk to hear the sound of their own voice.

I am tired of people putting this idea up on a platform and tearing this idea down.

I am tired of lifting these people up and tearing these people down.

I am tired of how who is important changes from day-to-day.

I am tired of what seems important today is nothing tomorrow and forgotten in a few days.

I am tired of what wasn’t important suddenly being important.

I am tired of the collective “they”.

I am tired of worthy phrases being posted on social media so we can all feel better over nothing.

I am tired of all the spiritually enlightened people, are you really?

I am tired of self-importance, yes yours!

I am tired of feeling invisible.

I am tired of all the other invisible people, I see you.

I am tired of all those who believe themselves to be seen, or “in the know”. that makes you a “they”

I am tired of the division of the sexes, races, genders, religion, money, WTF

Who are “they” anyway?

I am tired that the collect “they”, aren’t as tired as I am, if “they” were the world would change.

I guess nothing changes until “they” want it to.

And we continue to lose people like Philip Seymour Hoffman and others suffering like him, to a world where “they” refuse to see.

Do you see?